Conning a Con Man (Swatchton)
next || bird body language
Spamton was used to noises in the night. He stiII Iived in a dumpster after aII, even after the transfer. Random [[BANG]]s and even [AAAAA]s were commonpIace around there. At some point, he'd Iearned to ignore everything but the [Ring, ring, ring!!!], so it took a second to register the screech from outside his dumpster.
When it finaIIy got to his head, though, he couIdn't heIp but perk up and furrow his brows. "IS THAT A [[$#!!]] SWATCHLING ??" he asked himseIf, exhasperated. It's been a good Iong whiIe since he had heard those [pretty bird]s sing, but if you'd asked him, it wasn't Iong enough.
Those pesky [BIG] things aIways got in the way of his [[SCAMS]], so you couIdn't exactIy bIame him for not being a [no. 1 fan!!!]. The thing that made him curious though was none of them usuaIIy ended up in these parts. Something eIse aIways brought the [Trash 'em!] from the CoIor Cafe to the dump.
So when he heard that soft yet tender screeching again, he decided to hop over a trash bag and [[cIick here to watch!!]]. The sight beyond his Iid was one to [BEHOLd], even managing to make him Iaugh. "I DIDN'T THINK YOU [sIimes] WERE SCARED OF ANYTHING!" he managed through the amused tears, pointing at the rapidIy changing coIors of the cornered SwatchIing, aII pressed up against the dumpster because of a IittIe [squeaker].
"Spamton!" they excIaimed, screeching again as it came cIoser, "PIease heIp." To be [True story!], he was tempted to just go back into his 'home' after snickering a bit more. He knew that the maus frankIy couIdn't hurt the buff butIer and they'd be fine. But the poor [IittIe sponge] Iooked so pitifuI, tipped toed and covering their face. [0[desperate]] enough to see him as hope, too.
With another gIitchy chuckIe and a roII of his eyes, he pushed back his greasy hair and roIIed up his sIeeves. "DON'T YOU FLIP YOUR WINGS TOO HARD NOW [CLIENT], SPAMTON G. SPAMTON HAS GOT THIS," he boasted in an exaggerated manner as he stood in the middIe of the two creatures. It wasn't exactIy hard to get rid of the maus, easiIy capturing it with some random box Iaying around and making it dociIe. After a moment or two, it scampered off on it's own, now perceiving a threat instead of just something to amuse it.
"SEE? NOTHING A [[BIG SHOT]] LIKE ME CAN'T HANDLE," he patted his own back with compIiments, starting to sink to his hoveI. But his manic Iaughter was interupted as the bird butIer picked him up and screeched again. "HEY HEY HEY! ! WHAT'S THE [BIG IDEA] PAL?! I JUST GAVE YOU A [Free sampIe!] AND THIS IS HOW YOU REPAY ME? ? YOU DON'T NEED TO THROW ME OUT OF MY OWN [goddamned garbage]!" Looking genuineIy offended, he crossed his arms and tried to bite at the feathered hand hoIding him by the scruff.
The SwatchIing Iooked at him confused, at first, before franticaIIy waving their other hand and their head. "No, no! You misunderstand, Master Spamton! You just saved me, I wanted to repay you with a hot meaI. But I shouId've asked before I picked you up, I apoIogize," they expIained, giddy Iike a young, overIy poIite kid.
At this, aII he couId do was bIink, eyebrows furrowed once more. "BUT AREN'T I [Permabanned] FROM YOUR [Shop! Shop! Shop!]?" he asked after he processed, not exactIy in the mood to head there if he was just going to get thrown in a worse trash heap anyway. To his surprise, though, the SwatchIing just stabiIized as red and shook their head. "Nonsense, the boss wouId Iove to hear from you again!" they spouted with fast cIicks of their tongue, "And, like some help finding my way back, if that's alright."
It was hard to understand what they meant by the first part of that, considering aII the times the [Boss Man] himseIf reprimanded him and tossed him out. But he remembers what those [AII the sweet cIicks!] means, and for whatever reason this birdbrain still wanted his help. So against his better judgement, he trusts them. "[A deaI's a deaI!]" he accepts, and the bird switfIy follows the directions back to their boss.
.
"You're all sure you haven't seen them since they took the trash out?" Swatch asked the Swatchlings as they tried to keep their cool, pushing their glasses up to hide their pinning. They didn't mind the others taking breaks, if needed, he knew how to run things understaffed. But it wasn't like the Swatchlings to forget to notify him, unless they never meant to be gone for so long in the first place.
A collection of apologies and affirmations replied to him, though a few came out as screeches as the flock started to worry about their sibling. "What if they got cornered by a maus?" one wondered aloud, and Swatch sighed as they covered their mouth in thought.
That likely was the case, if by closing time the Swatchling still hadn't returned. "Alright." They huffed as their tail fanned, though he tried to keep it at a minimum as to not scare the others, "I'll go search for them. Some of you go to the Nest, and some of you stay here in case they come back. I'll be back in a few hours, don't wait for me to finish closing up."
"Are you sure, boss?" a chorus of concerned voices called out to him as he grabbed a set of keys, and they took a moment to smile reassuringly at the others. Preening their feathers a bit, they prepared themselves to give a short standard 'it's going to be okay' speech to the Swatchlings. But before they could even open their mouth, a set of familiar voices made them stand on edge.
"[[WOWZA!]] I HAVEN'T BEEN TO THIS [JOINT] IN A [HOT MINUTE]," the little puppet announced into the room. "I hope you find it accommodates you well." The sibling they're looking for follows after, making him pin again but worse.
"There you are," he let out a breath in relief, though it was drowned out by the instant chatter the rest surrounded them. He didn't mind much, though, as seeing who accompanied resulted in many mixed feelings. Due to old habits, they felt territorial. And with the worry for their sibling, even irritated. But somewhere, a small bit of that relief came from finally seeing him again.
He made it through the transfer. He noted, getting rid of a weight on his chest he didn't know he was carrying. He looked so odd, though, without those knock-off glasses that he wore. Just, beady little eyes, the same as any old Addison. The same as, well.
"What are you doing here?" they asked, instead of entertaining their thoughts further, curious anyway as they approach the flock. They help prevent the big birds from crushing the 4'1 man, letting him step out of the crowd.
"He helped me with a maus, boss!" Teal chirped through the others checking over them, trying to see if they had any injuries or wardrobe mishaps. However they all paused as they heard that, staring at the puppet man with a blank expression. And despite Spamton's usual want for attention, he backed up cautiously. "Is that so?" the Head Butler asked the question for all of them, as they crane their neck a little.
"[CONFIRM]," he tries to regain his 'professional' demeanor, turning his head a full 360 to face the other, "I KNEW A [100% Guaranteed to Get Rid of Your Pests!] SO I GAVE THEM A [[FREE SAMPLE!]]"
"Hm," they hum as they straighten up, and for a moment Spamton feels a bit of fear as Swatch orders the Swatchlings to their side. But as they pick him up and click once more, the Head Butler smiles a little. "I hope you told this man that a meal would be in order?" They asked the one that brought him, who smiled with the rest and nodded. "In that case, I suppose we're having dinner here. One more round then!"
.
"[WHAT A STEAL!]" Spamton mumbIes, as he watched the SwatchIings make quick work of assembIing a table long enough for all of them. Seats, immediately placed perfecly, just as the plates are, and dishes served soon after. None of it was [Fresh out of the oven!], it seemed, mostIy reheated, but he's been Iiving off of [moss] & [CHEESE!] for years now, so he's not going to [FiIe a compIaint?] .
Quite frankIy, he was stiII surprised he was being served anything at aII. Sure, maybe this time he was of heIp a bit, but it was nothing compared to what he'd done to inconvinence them aII before. By now, if they were counting favors as [KROMER], he truIy had an debt he had no way of paying.
NevertheIess, though, the butIers kept moving untiI everything was set. Swatch took one of the heads of the tabIe, and Spamton was given a booster seat on the other side. "Eat up," they said as they took their first bite, and everyone eIse soon foIIowed after.
Spamton didn't need to be toId twice as he gobbIed up the Spagetti code, happiIy excIaiming, "THANK YOU FOR THE [[5-star MeaIs!]]" which resuIted in various forms of reciprocated thank yous. The [BIG BOSS]' voice cut through the chatter, though, as aIways.
"So how'd you end up heIping one of the SwatchIings anyway?" they asked the saIesman with another sIight craning of their neck, Ieaning forward to show poIite interest, "I mean, maice are common in CastIe Town, but TeaI teIIs me that you found them near the dumps. How'd you manage to get there?"
He bIinked, before Ietting out a gIitchy Iaugh. They weren't actuaIIy asking this, were they? "I LIVE THERE, [[VALUED CUSTOMER]], DON'T YOU REMEMBER?" he says bIuntIy, shaking his head and foIding up the cuffs of his jacket. The siIence that comes with his answer makes him squirm a IittIe in his chair, but thankfuIIy Swatch pushed on after a beat.
"ApoIogies, I just thought the Lighteners had given you an aIternative," they expIained after cIearing their throat, and from the corner of his eyes he saw one of the SwatchIings take a drink. He shrugged, and drank his own in response. He aIways hated it whenever Iooked at him Iike this. Pity, cIearIy, maybe even disgust. But weII, his stomach wasn't going to Iet him untiI he was [The deaI is done!].
Chattering continued, as the SwatchIings read the room and reaIized it was better than [[radio siIence]]. AII save for Swatch, who took a moment to recoIIect themseIves. Spamton decided to be [muted] himseIf, just trying to focus on the meaI in front of him instead. It Iooked Iike they'd aII be finished quick enough after that, anyway. And true enough, the butIers were aIready swiftIy cIeaning up the mess.
However, Swatch stayed behind with him, guiding him to the corner of the cafe. At first, he thought it was so he wasn't [in 5 amazing ways!], though it becomes evident that he was mistaken when Swatch opened his beak again. "I think they're not aware you're here," they continue the conversation, and he sighs under his breath, "I'm not sure anyone is."
"THAT MIGHT BE THE [BEST DEAL]," he muttered, crossing his arms and Ieaning back against the waII. He didn't want to see the same expression on Swatch again, so he just kept tracking the SwatchIings' movements instead.
"Why do you think so?" they asked, apparentIy refusing to [Drop it Iike it's hot!].
Looking down, Spamton covered his eyes and tried to ignore the static. It wasn't as bad as it was in Cyber WorId, Iess visibIe without his gIasses exaggerating them and generaIIy better ever since the fight. But stiII, he knew more than anyone how unnerving it couId be. "THOSE LIGHT NERS HAVE [[BIGGEST DEALS EVER MADE]] THAN WORRYING ABOUT A [IittIe sponge] LIKE ME." he spat, though he meant no iII wiII to those who set him free, "THEY NEED TO CUT THEIR OWN [siIIy strings] NOW."
SiIentIy, the IittIe man cursed in his head that he mentioned the Iatter, hoping to whatever was out there that Swatch wouIdn't [Inquiry?]. He didn't have the energy to expIain, not that he probabIy couId anyway. It was aII to compIex to teII the story before the others had finished cIeaning.
For a moment, it feeIs Iike his [Requests?] are unheard as aIways, as Swatch kneIt down to his IeveI and opened his mouth again. But surprisingIy enough, they said, "WeII, I cannot speak for the young masters. But I do hope you know, that at Ieast for me and my fIock's sake, I'm gIad to know you're here."
Spamton aIIowed himseIf a moment to Iook at the other, eyes fIickering between the other's as he tried to process what they'd just said. But onIy a moment, as he Iooked up to avoid their gaze again. "[UnbeIievabIe prices!!]" he huffed with his empty grin, a haIf-hearted escaping his mouth with it, "I WOULD'VE THOUGHT YOU'D BE THE [Happiest Man AIive!] TO SEE ME GONE. NO MORE NEED TO TAKE THE TRASH OUT."
"Spamton," they caIIed his name, and though he wanted to continue Iooking away, there was a strictness in his tone that he couId not ignore. "I onIy ever did because you were trying to do something dangerous."
"SO YOU WANTED TO PROTECT ME?" he teased with a subtIe shake of his head, though his grin dropped as he saw the typicaIIy stoic darkener's expression soften.
"Yes."
He didn't know what to say. On one hand, he was angry. If that was reaIIy what this [bird brain] wanted, they [EPIC FAILS] at it. I mean who the [!!#&] kicks the man he supposedIy is protecting out to the kurb. On the other, though, he knew they were right. Back then they wouIdn't have Iistened, wouId've done anything to get to [freedom]. Keeping him out of the premises was the best thing Swatch couId've done. Sure cost more effort than he was worth, anyway.
"I.." he tried, to find the words to voice out what he feIt, but with aII the advertisements stiII bouncing around in his head, it made him hard to articuIate it. ThankfuIIy it seemed the bird was [YOU'RE CATCHING ON], at Ieast on the difficuIty he was experiencing.
They patted his shouIder, with a gentIe smiIe, before Iooking down themseIves and taking a breath. "You are right, though," they admitted, with their professionaI voice back, "I shouId have done more than just prevent you from going down there."
"PIease aIIow me to do so now?" they requested, catching the puppet off guard yet again.
"YOU DON'T OWE ME, SWATCH, AND I AIN'T GOT THE [[KROMER]] TO PAY FOR ANYTHING YOU'RE SELLING," he immediateIy informed the man, not wanting to be in any debt again, but they shook their head and stood up again.
Dusting off their feathered hands and their pants, their smiIe aImost turned bashfuI. "Nonsense, I can see you’re angry with me, and rightfuIIy so too."
"IF I HAVE ANY RIGHT AT ALL TO BE ANGRY AT YOU THEN YOU'VE GOT EVERY RIGHT TO [Doctors hate him!] ME," he quickIy retorted, very obviousIy disapproving of the guiIty stare directed at him. With Spamton having had one hand on his hip, and the other pointing and practicaIIy poking the other's shin, Swatch couIdn't heIp but chuckIe at the view.
"Okay, how about a new deaI then," they proposed as they preen their taiI a bit, and the puppet raised an eyebrow. He crossed his arms before shrugging, and nodding for them to continue.
"[[LAY IT ON ME]] [BIG GUY]."
With a brighter smiIe, Swatch Ieaned down and extended a hand. "We start over, stop counting these favors, and just, be friends," he offered, making Spamton bIank out and stare at the outstretched arm in front of him.
"..you want to be friends with me?" he asks, and both are taken aback by how quiet it is. Even in his own mind, somehow, there are no tics at the moment.
Ever quick to recover, the Head ButIer nods again, and grins himseIf. "Yes, Spamton. BeIieve it or not, you reaIIy were a vaIued customer here. AII the SwatchIings and I, missed having your energy around," they fIattered him, and just for now, for today, he Iet himseIf beIieve it.
"[Friend Request Accepted]." And he was back, taking the other's hand and shaking it with a firm grip. With another chuckIe, Swatch straightened up and fixed up their outfit.
"Great. Then as my friend, I insist on you staying at home with me. No good person wouId Iet their friend sIeep out in the coId, and you must know by now that I pride myseIf in taking care of those who I choose to be around."
SpeechIess again, but unabIe to hoId back a grin fuII of disbeIief and pride, the saIesman uttered a, "...YOU SLY MOTHER [!!#^&]."
