#s: jayson

[roal-playing]

1 AM

by Jason

It's 1 AM. Everything is quiet. My wife, who put on Star Trek in the first place, dozes against my chest.

I don't mind. I definitely don't mind. My arm is around her, all at once a blanket and a shield, but we're on the living room couch so it's not pinned under her and I don't have pins and needles to deal with.

Sometimes, when she's not awake to give me shit for it, I look at Jayme and I think about how beautiful she is.

Not just looks-wise, though I don't think there's a catwalk in the world that wouldn't be lucky to have her walking down it. Beautiful like- Fuck, I don't know. Words aren't my strong suit.

Beautiful like, resilient and sarcastic. Strong, even when she's not trying to be. Creative, with her hair always changing colors like one of those mood rings from the seventies. Funny.

I'm almost thirty. I'm married. Almost everyone I know is either also married, on track to be, or divorced. Or widowed, in Zara's case. Or they kill after mating, in what I'd guess is Penzik's case.

I don't know how I ended up here. I can remember the A to B of it, but I can't make sense of the progression. I didn't even think I would be alive this long, let alone that I would ever be happy.

Damn.

I'm happy.

There's that little pang of guilt when I finally place the feeling. I haven't been able to put my finger on what's different now. I'm happy. For the first time I can remember, I like my life. And why should I feel guilty about that? What's wrong with me that being happy makes me feel guilty?

Because I don't make anyone else happy.

Because I made my mother overdose. Because I walked out on her. Because I was selfish, because I didn't do enough, because she needed someone and I wasn't there. No wonder she hated me.

Because I let my guard down for five minutes and Jayme almost died.

Because everything I touch turns to shit. Because my own sister, let alone my dad, couldn't even stand being around me.

I need a drink. I go to get up, but Jayme shifts, and mutters in her sleep, then cuddles closer. I ease back into the couch.

She's dead.

Shut up.

She's good as dead, and it's my fault.

Shut up.

I can't stop it. I can't stop Breaux. He's going to come for her, and I won't be there.

Shut up. She can handle herself. She doesn't need me there twenty-four hours a day.

Make sure to remember that line for her eulogy, asshole.

I close my eyes, tilt my head up, and take a deep shuddering breath. I need a fucking drink. I don't get up this time. I just sit there, and run my fingers through Jayme's (currently neon red) hair, and wait for the tension to pass.

"I love you."

It takes me a second to realize I said it out loud. Mumbled it, actually. But it was definitely out loud. I've said it to her maybe five or six times total, the entire time we've been married. I know I should say it more. She says she's okay with me not saying it all the time, she says I show her plenty. But I know I should say it more.

'I love you' feels like exposing something, every time I say it. Like I'm showing her this big open wound and praying to God she doesn't stick her thumb in it and twist.

I know she won't. If there's ever been anyone in my life who won't, it's Jayme. But those nerves are always there, in the back of my mind, reminding me how I don't deserve to be loved back.

I'm trying to work up to saying it more. Because she deserves to hear it.

It's eight after one.

I'm going to have to get ready for work in a little under five and a half hours. Probably get up a half-hour before that to do my workout.

I gently shake Jayme awake, and she grumbles at me about it, but we end up going to bed.

I settle in, with my chest to her back and my arms around her. I kiss her shoulder, she squeezes my hand, and I'm home.

I'm safe.

For a few more hours at least, it feels like nothing can hurt us.

[roal-playing]

Jason and Jayme are basically 100% the stereotype of what a marriage between a Gryffindor and Ravenclaw would look like

[roal-playing]

Me, experimenting with blended gifs again

[roal-playing]

[roal-playing]

I found a blending tutorial (x) and I wanted to try it out

[roal-playing]

And wipe the mark of sadness from my face Show me that your love will never change If my yesterday is a disgrace Tell me that you still recall my name

[roal-playing]

Parenting Headcanons

Jayson

Jayme was consistently the parent who bought Selene the presents she actually asked for. Jason constantly bought practical, but unexciting presents like pants and socks and whatnot.

Jason bought Selene her first knife when she was eight. He took her camping to show her how to use it in a survival sense, but waited a couple more years to teach her how to fight with it-- Which, yes, he considered an important life skill.

Jayme taught Selene to drive

Jason used to tell Selene greek myths as bedtime stories, the same ones his mother used to tell him.

Cassie is a surprisingly good grandmother. It's pretty much all the fun stuff she's good at, but without any of the responsibility. She'd always get Selene jacked up on sugar and send her back to her parents.

After Selene was born, Jason ended up getting a vasectomy. He and Jayme talked about it, and agreed they loved the one they had, but didn’t want any more kids. Saved a butt-ton on birth control.

Cassie used to be Selene's weed hook-up, because "well, would you rather see her buy good shit from her grandma, or crappy weed from some sketchy kid named Vape Lord in a parking lot?"

Jason and Bully held a "backyard olympics" one summer for their kids to compete in, full of stupid events like bicycle jousting (it was supposed to be lawnmower jousting, but c'est la vie) and Russo-Roman Wrestling (You know, like Greco-Roman Wrestling, but the participants are Russian and Italian instead of Greek and Italian)

Jason installed a basketball hoop over the garage, and he and Selene would play HORSE a lot after dinner when she was growing up. It helped teach her to spell, but they kept playing long after the fact.

In middle school, Jason told Selene she wasn't allowed to start dating anyone until she could disarm him during a sparring match.

Nas

Gus built his kids a fancy-ass two story high super treehouse that all the kids in the neighborhood hung out at.

Gus is the king of dad jokes, and he's honed himself a pretty good Leon Delacroix impression to deliver them in.

Gus insists that Grandma Marianne is, despite all appearances, black. Uncle Jason, however, is "the white man" who's always trying to steal the kids' great ideas until they get old enough to realize they're being messed with.

Aunt Chloe is over the moon to be, for all intents and purposes, a grandma. She's way less strict with the grandkids than she was with Gus.

At least one of the kids winds up getting a speeding ticket within in their first week with a license. Gus and Nat end up putting on a disapproving front, but they end up laughing about it in private.

Natalie had to give the kids "the talk" because Gus kept insisting babies were made when the stork delivered them and wouldn't hear anything otherwise. 

Gus was the one to teach the kids how to drive. He showed them which back roads they could let loose on and what times it was safe to, and also which streets to be careful about speeding laws on.

The kids all shared their first car, which Gus built himself from the ground up, recycling a frame and putting together the interior himself like he was building a gaming PC. He figured there wasn't a safer car out there for the kids to be driving.

[roal-playing]

who is more dominant in the bedroom?: Jason, but Jayme makes him work for it

who complains the most?: idk

who’s the laziest?: Jayme, but only relatively speaking

who wakes up the earliest?: Jason, at like 4 AM

who does the chores around the house?: They both do

who is the most protective of the other?: Jason canonically once went Full Punisher (killed about a dozen mobsters, blew up a house, and then went on a vengeance-fulled neo nazi murdering spree down the gulf coast with Bully) when Jayme got kidnapped by the dixie mafia in one universe. Jayme once stole a helicopter and gunned her way through a drug lord's fortress to rescue her best friend's fiancee, who she didn't even like. They're both 100% ride or die

who gets jealous the easiest?: In the Wicked Games universe? Definitely Jason

and a song or group of songs that describes the ship: rewrite the stars - zac efron & zendaya // i think i'm in love - kat dahlia // stone - jaymes young // magnetic field - lights