Dear Alexander
It’s been 5 years since you died, that’s 59 months, 1901 days, 4562 hours, 273720 minutes and 16423200 seconds without you. With your death a part of me died, you take a piece of my heart, you have no idea how much I miss you, how I miss our talks, our laughs, and now all that I have left are memories. I have to admit that I was angry a long time with you, because you left me, because, wherever you are I’m sure you are happy now, and you are happy without me, and that’s what hurts me more, that I’m not there to make you happy like you used to made me feel. I’m not angry anymore because I think that I finally understood that you completed your mission here on earth, and that mission was give us all the love you could to those that surrounded you.
A couple of weeks ago I saw Jeremy and your parents, they’re doing okay, your dad is retiring so he can spend more time with your mom, they are planning to make a trip to Europe, like you wanted, they invited me, but I’m not sure if I should go, you know, because all that story with Jeremy and because the next thing I’m about to tell you.
I have a boyfriend now, his name is Damian I’m sure you would’ve like him you could’ve even become friends with him, he gets me, like you used to do, he is amazing and the best part it’s that he is not trying to fix me, he loves me for who I am and I’m madly in love with him. A while ago I talked with him about you, he was so nice and comprehensive, that made me fall even more, I really think he is the one. I know what you might say right now, that I can’t say that But you know what? I actually can, because after your death, I was dying, literally, depression and anxiety took over me, there were days when I couldn’t get out of bed, most of the nights I couldn’t sleep and when I managed to do it this horrible nightmares haunted me and wake up screaming. And then he appeared and things began to get better. And to be honest I don’t love him because of that I love him because of who he is. I think that even if you hadn’t died and I met him I would’ve fall for him anyways.
I have a little secret that no one but your mom knows about it, I keep some of your shirts, jackets and one of your hats in the back of my closet, those things still have your smell and sometimes when the pain is unbearable I take them out and hold on to them and it’s almost like you were next to me. As I say previously I miss you, we all do.