#s119

[thewertsearch]

Sollux, with the amount of collateral your power causes, do you really want to do this here?

I guess I shouldn't be blaming him for this. Eridan's the aggressor here, and he's forcing Sollux's hand.

...oh, no.

How the hell is he this strong? We know Sollux is the real deal, since we’ve seen him overpower Ahab’s Crosshairs before, but he's getting fucking decimated. This guy blew up a skyscraper!

What is Hope even doing here? How does this boost work?

What the hell does Eridan's Aspect even do?

Lest we forget, his prophecy of doom was already fulfilled.

He was only supposed to die twice, and he's already lost both dream selves. Sollux, at least, should make it through this fight.

I don’t think she’ll be going with you today, Eridan.

Will you flee her wrath, then, and leave alone?

Or do you have it in you to actually fight her seriously?

I think I've got my answer.

WHAT THE FUCK!

YOU FUCKING PRICK, WHAT THE FUCK! YOU COULD HAVE KNOCKED HER OUT!

Eridan’s really a lost cause, then. He was always one of the more dangerous trolls to have cooped up here, but I didn’t think for a second that he’d actually kill Feferi.

That was his princess! That was his friend!

But in the end, he didn't care.

After all, she didn’t want to be his girlfriend.

[thewertsearch]

Karkat's becoming cognizant of all the videogame tropes in his vicinity, and he is pissed. This is what happens when you’re exposed to that damn fourth wall for too long.

Jump cut to Gamzee squatting in a dark corner somewhere, a Google results page for ICP open on his laptop, absolutely seething with anger.

[…] KANAYA: Do You Think Terezi Is Aware Of Your Interactions With Her KARKAT: I DON'T KNOW, PROBABLY? KANAYA: I Dont Want To Sound Too Meddlesome Because I Know People Dont Like That Much But Didnt You And She Used To Have A Thing Like That […] KARKAT: THE THING WHICH MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE EXISTED NOTWITHSTANDING, WHAT RIGHT WOULD SHE HAVE TO BE UPSET ABOUT ME TALKING TO JADE. KANAYA: Maybe She Thinks You Are Trying To Make Her Jealous KARKAT: OH LIKE SHE'S NOT DOING THE SAME THING TO ME BY TALKING TO THAT POMPOUS TOOL WHO'S IDIOTICALLY INSECURE ABOUT THE COLOR OF HIS EYES. […] KANAYA: Do You Actually Believe She Was Pretending KARKAT: YEAH SURE. I DUNNO

As the trolls’ party begins to unravel, so too does their intricate web of relationships. The entire John/Dave/Karkat/Terezi/Vriska situation is already a mess, and if Karkat is developing a legitimate crush on Jade as well, things might be about to go nuclear.

Forget Jade - I think Kanaya’s the one who’s really thriving from this cultural exchange.

Well, that’s certainly more convenient for me. Saves me from having to check everything with everyone, as I was originally planning to do.

Initially, I thought the trolls were just losing cohesion naturally as Project Trolling drew to a close. A lot of them won't give a shit about Project Friendship, so I assumed they'd just left to do their own thing.

This, though, seems like a pretty ominous way to describe the situation. It's like the Veil is a little too quiet, and not just because people have dispersed. Has Vriska been doing a few offscreen murders, or is something completely unrelated going on?

KANAYA: Im Returning To The Core To Deposit The Matriorb […] KARKAT: I MEAN, THAT'S GREAT, IF THAT'S WHAT YOU WANT TO DO WITH IT. BUT YOU CAN'T GO, I NEED YOU HERE. LOOK AROUND, SHIT IS MAYHEM. KANAYA: Ill Only Be Gone For A Few Minutes KANAYA: Anyway Youre Doing A Good Job And I Think You Can Manage To Cope With My Momentary Absense […] KARKAT: IN THAT CASE KARKAT: GOOD LUCK, HOPE IT WORKS.

These two are such good friends. They're probably my favourite platonic friend-ship in the entire comic, just on the strength of how earnest their relationship is.

Damn it, did I seriously just get jumpscared by a ‘Be Eridan’?

[thewertsearch]

ERIDAN: for all that trainin you did ERIDAN: i wwouldnt be the incredible holy wwizard i am noww wwithout your help […] KANAYA: I Hope You Use Your Magnificent Powers Of Light And Hope For Goodness And Purity And Lets Not Forget Science

At this point. Kanaya is Human Sarcasming better than most actual humans.

ERIDAN: dont wworry im all ovver that shit you dont evven knoww KANAYA: Uh Oh I Hope That Didnt Come Off As Too Sarcastic […] KANAYA: Please Dont Take Too Much Offense ERIDAN: haha damn kan if thats your idea of offense bein made then i honestly gotta fuckin wworry for you ERIDAN: tell you wwhat ill givve you some lessons in dealin out the dark umbrage to repay you for your tutelage in the wwhite science

I think Dave taught Kanaya more about the art of trolling in a single conversation than Eridan could in an entire lifetime.

That guy can troll better than most actual trolls.

ERIDAN: wwhats that thing there KANAYA: The Matriorb KANAYA: I Was About To Go Hatch It In The Core To Restore Our Race ERIDAN: that sounds ERIDAN: hopeful […] ERIDAN: if theres goin to be any sort a hope for our race as the prince of hope i demand to be invvolvved ERIDAN: so dont go anywwhere wwithout me got it […] KANAYA: Fine

I’m all for the construction of neo-Alternia, but I really don't think Eridan should be on the planning committee, unless we also want a neo-hemospectrum.

Honestly, the only trolls I'd really trust to rebuild their society are the bottom half of the hemospectrum, and possibly Gamzee. The other highbloods can go sit in the corner.

ERIDAN: its not magic wwe talked about this kar KARKAT: RIGHT, IT'S POWERED BY SCIENCE, I FORGOT. KARKAT: OR HOPE. WHATEVER THE FUCK THAT MEANS

I don’t see how Hope translates to a robot-exploding beam, though.

If it was wizards he was blowing up, I’d understand, because it would be consistent with my theory that he's weaponizing his hatred of FRAUDULENT MAGIC. If anything, his Science Wand should strengthen a robot, since it's a product of the TRUEST SCIENCES.

ERIDAN: i had a harder time than anybody wwith this game ERIDAN: it wwas really fuckin unfair wwhat challenges i got saddled wwith ERIDAN: i wwoulda fuckin MURDERED for a land full of a lot a harmless brains and fire ERIDAN: but no ERIDAN: it wwas so lonely ERIDAN: hey guys anybody wwant to come hang out wwith me in the land a wwrath and angels

That sounds cool, though. Angels, I assume, are how Hope is represented in his Land, and I’m sure Eridan synergized well with its wrath. I wonder what physical form it took?

ERIDAN: anybody at all i knoww it isnt anythin like one of your flippin land picnics ERIDAN: anybody please ill evven settle for the kittycat shipper cavve girl

You can't complain about loneliness and then insult your ‘friend’ in the same breath. That's not how any of this works, and the fact that you're unaware of this should tell you everything you need to know about why you're lonely.

So Karkat does know about Nepeta’s little crush. He is a relationship aficionado, after all.

Poor Nepeta.

I sort of figured Karkat didn't reciprocate her feelings. He's preoccupied with plenty of other redrom prospects, and he basically never mentions her.

Karkat’s honestly a little too nice to Eridan. He’s being such a bro here, but what Eridan actually needs is to be brought down to size a little.

Granted, I think Eridan needs a bigger shock to the system than an angry tirade from Karkat. I feel like Terezi could tear him to pieces - but since it's unfair to expect her to put up with him alone, I'd put both the Scourge Sisters on this assignment. >:)

What Karkat is aptly demonstrating here is that there’s a difference between an Eridan kind of asshole and a Karkat kind of asshole.

Let's be real, here - Karkat's a dick. But he's a dick who holds no true malice, knows when he's crossed a line, and is willing to sincerely apologize for his past actions, and make amends.

Eridan possesses none of these qualities, which is why he sat alone in his house for a month while Karkat befriended the entire cast.

[thewertsearch]

ERIDAN: im just saying wwhere the fuck wwere you guys ERIDAN: i had to deal wwith those awwful angels all by my self ERIDAN: do you havve any idea howw hard those assholes are to kill ERIDAN: like at least a minute of sustained fire from only the most legendary wweapon evver and they wwere FAST and ANGRY as SHIT

That's fucking terrifying, what the fuck?

Even without a maxed weapon, John was able to kill a First Guardian Imp in well under a minute.

Eridan's 'angels' survived significantly longer, while under fire from a significantly more powerful weapon. They're massively more durable than the most dangerous Underlings in the game, despite their session's Kernels containing weaker material.

What the fuck are these things made of?

KARKAT: I REALLY DON'T THINK YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE KILLING THEM DUDE. KARKAT: I KEPT SAYING, I THINK THEY'RE LIKE GAME CONSTRUCTS OR SOMETHING. THERE TO SERVE SOME OTHER GAME PURPOSE, NOT FOR YOU TO HUNT DOWN. KARKAT: THEY DIDN'T EVEN GIVE YOU ANY GRIST, YOU IDIOT. THAT WAS YOUR FIRST CLUE.

Far from being random Underlings, these angels are starting to seem kind of important, actually.

Like Jade's frogs, they represent one of the dual traits of their Land - and Jade's frogs are mission fucking critical. Did these angels also have an endgame purpose to serve?

If so, just how badly has Eridan fucked us over?

I don't know for sure if this quote is related, but Sollux described angels as 'terrible' beings who 'usher in the end'.

If these are the the LOWAA angels, then they almost certainly did have an endgame role that Eridan didn't discover.

Guys, I’ll admit it.

Eridan is kind of funny.

Karkat is really worried, isn’t he? He’s desperate to keep his team safe, even though most of them aren’t really listening to him any more.

Everyone gave this guy so much shit for being an ineffectual leader, but even now, he's taking his responsibility very seriously. Most of the other trolls would have thrown in the towel by now.

Six hundred hours.

This campaign went on for six hundred fucking hours, and Eridan still isn’t leaving Feferi the fuck alone. Did shooting all those angels not let off a little steam? Come on, man.

FEFERI: […] Eridan, you weren't really serious about going to find Jack, were you? ERIDAN: of course i wwas ERIDAN: and wwe should do it together ERIDAN: youvve got nothin to fear noww ivve reached a neww heights of powwer no one else can dream of […] SOLLUX: thii2 ii2 the mo2t hiilariiou2 thiing ii've ever heard, he made one of hii2 2hiitty fake wand2 glow a liittle and now he thiink2 he'2 a faiiry god troll or 2omethiing, lmao! ERIDAN: wwas that slander just i heard i cant evven tell ERIDAN: i tend to block out noise from filth wwhose blood is practically the complementary fuckin color a mine

I hate to admit it, but this behavior is actually fairly realistic. The whole world has collapsed, and Eridan is grasping for anything he can latch onto, to provide some semblance of normalcy.

Unfortunately, and predictably, he has latched onto classism like a limpet.

[thewertsearch]

ERIDAN: fight him ERIDAN: are you fuckin nuts ERIDAN: i slaughtered enough angels to knoww my limits and wwhere i stand against the lord of all angels they prophecized

If angels really do ‘usher in the end’, then the Lord Of All Angels would likely usher in a particularly dramatic ending.

Sounds like Perfect Jack to me. He literally has feathery wings, and he’s the harbinger of this session’s ultimate demise.

As a First Guardian, if he turned his attention to ending a game of Sburb, he wouldn’t just erase your save – he’d likely break your console. Maybe he's not just the harbinger, but the mechanism of the troll session's ultimate end - the reason it eventually turns to static.

ERIDAN: of course im not gonna fight him i stand no chance in hell against that guy ERIDAN: im goin to join him […] ERIDAN: and youre gonna join me in joinin him too fef come on lets go

Sigh.

Fine, I’ll bite. Eridan, what the fuck are you doing?

ERIDAN: as the prince of hope im uniquely qualified to recognize wwhen all hope is lost ERIDAN: and im tellin you there is no hope not evven a little bit ERIDAN: only thing left to do is servve him and hope he spares us

And, Mr Ampora, would you care to show the class your evidence that Jack 'spares' people?

I think, at this point, it's safe to say that Eridan's snapped.

The trolls have been stuck inside a rock for hours, hiding from an invincible threat that they don't really understand. They're all aware that they could die at any moment, and are surely living off adrenaline and cortisol at this point. Most of them can't even sleep, because the Furthest Ring just makes their headaches worse.

These kids have been pushed to breaking point. Vriska has already lost it, and now Eridan's following suit. He wants an end to this, especially even if it means betraying his stinky lowblood allies.

And this is not going to end well for him.

Frankly, I don’t even think he's going to make it off the meteor. He's made the mistake of trying to recruit Feferi – somehow he’s actually deluded enough to think she’d join him – and now that he's revealed his plan, he’s going to be up against the entire meteor, or at least the trolls savvy enough to realize he’s dooming them all.

I have a lot of questions about his Hope wand, but one thing’s for sure – it can’t beat everyone. At best, he'll be imprisoned, because Karkat wouldn't want him killed, but if he throws hands with, say, Vriska, he's going to be reduced to a purple smear on the wall.

[thewertsearch]

GG: i want to know more about stoking the forge and breeding the frogs, and about your time on prospit and all that! GA: Okay I Will Definitely Help You As Much As I Can GA: The Young Prospit Wakers Ought To Stick Together

After the emotional rollercoaster that was Jadesprite, Jade really needed some support - and look who's coming in clutch as usual.

I'm running out of ways to say that Kanaya is the best character in Homestuck - but guys, Kanaya is the best character in Homestuck.

GG: that reminds me, i was thinking of implementing a system to keep some of these confusing conversations simple and linear GA: Does It By Any Chance Have To Do With Passwords […] GA: You Delivered News Of The System By Demanding A Password From Me GG: aaaaa you see?????? GG: you nearly just gave me the idea for the plan in the first place paradoxically from my own future self!!! GG: i just find that kind of thing annoying for some reason, it doesnt feel right… GG: i would rather ideas came from the place they actually came from

Hard same, and I’m glad that Jade finds stable-looped ideas as disappointing as I do. It's basically 'a wizard did it', but for entire plot devices.

GA: The Password System Is Already Paying Overwhelming Dividends Of Ease And Rationality GG: kanaya :o GG: that sounded GG: just a weeeeeee bit GG: sarcastic ;D […] GA: I Hope Im Not Falling Prey To A Crisis Of Sincerity GG: you are just becoming multicultural, thats all GG: i think i am learning to be more multicultural through karkat as well GG: it mostly involves saying fuck a lot

That also happens when you learn to be multicultural through Sally.

Ooh, playable segment! We'll move to a new post for this one.

[thewertsearch]

GA: I Woke Up A Long Time Ago GA: I Had Trouble Sleeping When I Was Young [...] GA: And When I Was Supposed To Be In My Cocoon I Would Often Wander Out To The Desert GA: Where One Day I Was Visited By A Stranger Who Dressed And Spoke In White

Oh, for the love of peace. Is there anyone that this globe-headed chucklefuck doesn’t have in his pocket?

GA: He Put Me To Sleep And I Awoke On Prospit […] GA: He Said He Was My Guardian GA: And Though He Visited Rarely I Did Regard Him As That GA: Then Later He Stopped Coming

This one might not be so bad, actually. Scratch seems curiously uninterested in Kanaya, and she bears none of the telltale signs of his manipulation.

Maybe these visits were actually just part of his day job. As Alternia's First Guardian, Scratch might be obligated to protect the Frog Temple and its associated Player, just as Bec did on earth.

GA: In Time I Began To Believe He Was A Figment Of My Mind […] GA: But Then While Playing Our Game I Learned He Was Real […] GA: And Had Been Manipulating Us All To Advance His Schemes

Bad news like Scratch gets around - but not as much as I'd like it to. Kanaya views Scratch as a menace localized to Alternia, and seems unaware that he's involved in Rose's fall, too.

GA: It Was Saddening To Learn My Fortuitous Awakening Had Been The Product Of A Nefarious Ploy GA: Youre Lucky That Your Awakening Probably Had No Such Entanglements

No, Jade's awakening was part of Vriska’s nefarious ploy. She might be a bit of a loose cannon, but I'd take her over Scratch any day.

GA: I Feel A Bit Silly That It Took Me So Long To Engage With The One Corresponding Closely With My Role GA: It Must Be A Certain Madness Im Afflicted By GA: To Orbit Those More Reckless And Dangerous Than I And More Daring For It GA: I Guess I Want To Help Them But They Never Can Be Helped It Seems

GG: are you saying rose is reckless and dangerous? GA: Yes Definitely GA: We Have Our Share Of Dangerous Players Who Seem To Do Nothing But Cause Problems GA: I Believe She Is Yours

I think it’s a little unfair to tar Rose with the same brush as Vriska - or even Terezi, for that matter. It's not like Rose has actually killed anyone, and she's generally a lot more sensible than-

...alright, touché.

GA: And If Her Insane Plan Wasnt Alarming Enough GA: She Has Been Communicating With The Stranger I Mentioned GA: And Unsurprisingly She Has Not Been Forthright About The Nature Of Their Conversations

Wait, so she does know that Rose has been talking to Scratch?

That means that Rose is almost certainly aware of the mayhem Scratch caused on Alternia. It was probably the first thing Kanaya told her, when trying to warn her - and yet, Rose is completely unfazed. When questioned, Scratch undoubtedly provided the perfect excuse.

I’m coming to realize that we probably can’t outmaneuver Scratch -at least, not while we're playing by his rules. If we really want to pull ourselves out of the web he's woven, we should focus on exploiting his 'dark spots'. Both the Scourge Sisters are aware of them, but I don't know if they've told anyone else.

GA: And Hes Not Merely A Guardian GA: Im Very Sure He Is A First Guardian GA: Like Your Lusus Was […] GG: im not sure why, but the sound of that makes me really nervous GA: I Feel The Same Way About It

I hate to tell you this, guys, but First-Guardianing is just how he pays the bills.

It's his side hustle you need to worry about.

[thewertsearch]

We're playing as Kanaya, right after Terezi watched Dave die. I guess we're about to see the immediate aftermath, as Karkat tries to figure out what he did wrong.

KANAYA: That Sounds Nice KANAYA: But It Really Doesnt Look Like There Is Much Room In That Pile Of Horns At All And I Should Get Going Anyway SOLLUX: yeah, of cour2e there'2 no room, iit wa2 kiind of a moroniic iinviitatiion two be hone2t. FEFERI: )(-EY, S)(UT YOUR MOP-EY BLOW )(OL-E!!! I was just s)(owing a little bassic courtesea. FEFERI: Really, you are just t)(e grouc)(iest dude sometimes. FEFERI: (And it's really cute!)

I was initially surprised that Feferi found Sollux’s grouchiness cute, since she's had to deal with Eridan's bad-tempered bullshit for who knows how long. However, I think Sollux's 'temper' is fundamentally different to Eridan's, in a way that Feferi would appreciate.

See, Sollux may be a little grumpy, but he's also basically harmless. His only violent moments are the result of manipul8tion or self-defense, and when left to his own devices, he'd rather tinker with his computers than hurt anyone.

Compare and contrast with Feferi's former moirail. He's already complicit in mass-murder, and his jealousy over Sollux 'stealing his girl' has already led him to try and vaporize the guy.

Eridan's a danger to himself and others, and his bad moods are threatening, but Sollux is just a slightly sullen nerd. Feferi can relax around him, and that alone is probably a breath of fresh air.

SOLLUX: you are 2o riidiiculou2ly optiimii2tiic iit'2 kiind of 2iickeniing, why do you even put up wiith me?

Just like our other Witch, Feferi is optimistic to the point of frustration – and, like the Jade of earlier acts, her optimism is based on evidence that that her audience isn’t privy to.

Unlike early Jade, though, my guesses about Feferi's sources can be a lot more educated. Her information generally comes from the Horrorterrors, so if she knows Aradia's alive, her God Tier self has probably made it to the Furthest Ring.

That's honestly pretty cute. We haven't seem much of these two as a couple, but they're starting to win me over.

Oh, you can fuck off, mate. Your guardianship of Kanaya ended on Alternia.