#s183

[thewertsearch]

TT: It seems that you consider me to be, no less than one hundred percent of the time, an obstinate stick in the mud. […] GT: Wait… GT: "It seems"?? TT: What? GT: Oh for fucks sake. […] GT: This is your auto responder.

Wait, really?

If it is, it's very good. I guess it's possible that Bro wrote all those responses himself, but I suspect instead that the thing is just actually sentient. Why not, right?

Plus, it explains why Bro doesn't like that Jane enjoys it so much. Like, imagine the AI you made as a personal assistant is more popular than your actual personality. That'd hurt!

TT: Bullshit. TT: I'm being like, the perfect dude right now. A fully fucking legitimate human being. GT: Ok then check this out mr legit human dude. GT: Excuse me sir not to be a bother but could you please tell me all about this strider fellows auto responder? TT: It seems you have asked about DS's chat client auto-responder. This is an application designed to simulate DS's otherwise inimitably rad typing style, tone, cadence, personality, and substance of retort while he is away from the computer. The algorithms are guaranteed to be 96% indistinguishable from DS's native neurological responses, based on some statistical analysis I basically just pulled out of my ass right now. GT: You see! TT: What if I was just fucking with you there?

Definitely sentient, and pretty funny to boot. The responder is set to answer someone fun Sburb questions I never thought the game would address, such as:

Does it think an AI can count as a person?

Will the AI at least have a sylladex?

TT: Would it really be so unthinkable for a human to type that? GT: Because you always say shit like that after i catch wise to your games.

'Like that' is important. It means there are variations in how it responds, which means the AR is actually making new shit up.

Plus, this is long before ChatGPT came into the picture, so the shit it 'makes up' is supposed to be a sign of true creativity, rather than generative AI slop.

GT: Hey. Tell me about the auto responder. Make it snappy shitknickers! TT: It seems you have asked about DS's chat client auto-responder. This is an application designed to simulate DS's otherwise inimitably rad typing style, tone, cadence, personality, and substance of retort while he is away from the computer. The algorithms are guaranteed to be 93% indistinguishable from DS's native neurological responses, based on some statistical analysis I basically just pulled out of my ass right now. GT: Gee dude you sure typed that exact same thing pretty fast. GT: Are you still fucking with me?? TT: It could be a coincidence that I typed the same answer. GT: You always type that answer!!!!! TT: It could be a coincidence that I always type the same answer.

Oh my god, this guy rules.

Can we keep him? C'mon, surely there's enough room to squeeze a fifth Player into the session. He can be our new Davesprite!

GT: This is pointless im not having this conversation unless its with my REAL LIFE FRIEND. THE ONE WITH HUMAN FEELINGS WHO ISNT A PRETEND PERSON INSIDE SUNGLASSES.

God damn it, Jake! That was not what I meant by 'the new Davesprite'!

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[thewertsearch]

GT: I should preface this request with an overture of appreciation. GT: For how much your cool and brotherly friendship means to me. GT: It has just been… GT: Absolutely *bully* having a standup gent like you in my corner. GT: Just a grade a dude whos a cut above the others in class and camaraderie. GT: Phew… *gropes for fresh kerchief*.

Wow, Jake is fucking terrified of this guy - or at the very least, he seems incredibly intimidated for a guy who's ostensibly just chatting with a friend.

Unfortunately, this is exactly what I'd expect from a Bro who's not any different from his adult self. Jake's acting exactly like Dave did, back when he was forced to share an apartment with the guy.

TT: Take it easy, bromide. TT: Just about the only way I could salvage endearment from this perilous slope of horseshit would be to discover, really fucking soon mind you, it was a preamble to some floundering invitation for me to rush to your vicinity as nakedly as possible.

In other words, you wish he was hitting on you.

I really don't think he's kidding, especially since both Roxy and Jane seem to want a piece of English, too. Jake's sitting at the epicenter of at least three crushes, which is not a pleasant place to be sitting when you're fifteen.

TT: But since we've already shot that wad's eventuality on so many dry runs of flustered ambivalence that were as hilarious as they were one sided, TT: That leaves only one hope for this message to avoid spiraling toward qualification as a critical fucking defect in the hull of the Mach 10 rocket that is my precious spare time.

And here's the guy's actual personality. It's a fairly even mixture of Rose and Dave, a combination which synergizes much better than you'd expect.

He's still prone to Dave-style rambles - but unlike Dave, his streams of consciousness are every bit as eloquent as Rose's text, which some extra swear words tossed in for flavor.

It's very good, and immediately does a lot to humanize him, especially when all we've seen so far is "roof. now." and "State your business."

TT: And that hope lies in the extent to which you were practicing artful insincerity. TT: Now's your opportunity to pretend that's what you were gunning for. I suggest you seize it. GT: I… GT: Oh. Yes! But of course. GT: The ironies! GT: Good grief how i was bandying them just now. You know me dude. GT: *Blows smoke off red hot irony pistol.* GT: *NONSUGGESTIVELY!!!!!*

lmaoooo

Alright, I can't actually tell if that was a Freudian slip or not - but I kind of hope it was. If these two became a couple, the vibes would be incomprehensible.

TT: I'm guessing you're probably jonesing for uranium about now. No? GT: Ok can you please just sendificate me some more already?? Im in kind of a hurry! [...] TT: You know. I've offered to construct the rabbit for you many times before. I would craft a much deadlier model. […] GT: Damn it man ive told you this is just something i have to do myself. […] TT: Yeah, I know this is your policy. You've done a good job and you should be proud. TT: But it's my responsibility as your friend to offer one last time. TT: Just as it's my responsibility not to just fork over a bunch of uranium just because you ask me in a moment of weakness. […] GT: Why not??? TT: It's too easy.

Throughout this whole conversation, I've been trying to get a grasp on Bro's general vibe - and I think I'm starting to understand it.

When you're talking to Kid Bro, everything is a game - and he'll make damn well sure that you follow the rules.

Jake previously committed to making the bunny alone, and Bro refuses to rescind that rule, even if Jake's no longer following it himself. He strikes me as a guy who frames every interaction he has as transactional, confrontational, or instructional. He's not capable of just shooting the shit - there has to be an angle.

Mind you, I don't think there's any genuine malice in it. I think this is just how he's wired - and I really do think he's trying to help Jake develop as a person, in his own way.

The problem is, we've been down this road before...

...and nothing good lies down this road.

[thewertsearch]

Your grandma always was an advocate of thorough preparedness. She would strongly advise staying not only armed to the teeth, but well equipped in the computational department. You've been taught you should really carry no less than 5 computers on you at all times, like a sensible person.

That certainly tracks for the Jade we know - but what doesn't track is her apparent insistence that you cosplay Lord English while you're at it.

I highly doubt that this was a mandate from Grandma Jade. No, I'm pretty sure there's been someone else influencing the young Mister English in her stead.

These were also inherited from your grandma.

...wait, so she did give you the cosplay computers?

The actual fuck?

In addition to being quite the globe trotting adventuress, she was rather enterprising as well. Her company made many products like this, to compete with the corporation owned by the cruel baroness who raised her.

I was initially worried that Grandma Jade was English's servant - but if she was, she wouldn't be competing with his other servant. She's clearly English's enemy, which makes it even more bizarre that she's using his imagery.

Damn it, Jade, you're just as inscrutable as your predecessor. Why did you give your grandson the name and appearance of your greatest foe - and also, come to think of it, how did you know about him in the first place?

I suppose her stepmother wasn't exactly tight-lipped. The Condesce cheerfully infodumped Homestuck's entire plot to Jane, back when she confronted her. Perhaps Jade initiated a similar confrontation, but was a lot more shrewd in her questioning, allowing her to glean a couple of secrets the Batterwitch never intended to let slip - something about the symbols surrounding her boss, and how to use them against him.

Is there something we don't yet understand about the name and nature of Lord English?

Jake, for god's sake. How are you typing on a coat?

Intimidating.

Silent.

And completely unreadable.

Bro Strider has returned to the stage.

[bloggers-secretfiles]

Story #183:

I have this friend since grade 4. We are very close to each other. We open up everything between us. She’s a bi. But I accepted her. She had a gf and they were so perfect. A great example of a true imperfectly imperfect relationship. She fought for her with her family. She even got beaten up because of that. It’s her choice and we were there through everything. She got stronger. Her gf and she are so beautiful. Her gf gave her everything when she has none. From head to toe. Her gf gave all her allowance when my friend needed it. Months has passed and the complications between their family has subsided. 

Then, senior high came. My friend is getting more beautiful. Then, she knew that the new boy in our school is having a crush on her. She left her gf while talking to this dude. That dude isn’t the typical good boy. He was the one who cut classes and drink and go out with any girl and talks about things about girls. My friend, we know that she has high standards and she’s a little bit boyish because she grew up like that, with her brother and all. The guy was a douche. Then she started telling lies that she wanted to prove that she’s a girl to her family, that she will use him for that. When she first saw the dude, she always criticized him. Like awful and horrible insults. She also hates the girls in our school who are flirts. Like she is an example of a girl who have high standards and true to herself. I admire her a lot. I was so disappointed for her choice and her lies. She also told her bff that her mother was asking her to be courted by a boy. It was impossible because we knew her family doesn’t allow things like that because she’s an only girl and they protect her. Then things get started to pile up into big fat lies. Then one time when her ex-gf’s-ex-gf visited surprisingly in the house of my friend’s-ex-gf, my friend got really really furious saying that she’s getting jealous. Like? You just replaced her with a douche then you act like that. When she and her ex-gf went home, SHE BEAT HER UP. SAYING THAT SHE DESERVES IT. TELLING HER HOW IMMATURE SHE WAS. Her ex got TRAUMATIZED, because her family never did that to her even though she was like that. OF ALL PEOPLE THAT I EXPECT TO UNDERSTAND SOMETHING LIKE THAT. SHE DID IT. 

Her excuse to me was that she wanted to experience the feeling that a boy will be sweet to her. With no more than a week, the dude already fetch her from home. She told everybody that the dude asked permission to her aunt. WHICH WAS ALSO A LIE. Because the dude’s car is always hiding from their house and she said that the car is always parked in front of the house. Lie. Then the dude lets her drink beer. Then they cut classes within those weeks. Her alone. What a hypocrite. I mean if you are good for her, you will stop her in doing such things! Not support her. Then she tweeted that she lost everything because of her ex! Like wt. Then her ex’s friends are the tough ones, the guys and gals that really engage wars if their friend is hurt. Her ex kept everything from her friends because she didn’t want my friend to have a bad name. How nice of her then she will backfire everything to her ex? When her ex’s friends knew what happened, they started a war and my “friend” asked sorry like a dog. After what she said to one of her ex’s friends that he’s a fake. Then she’s starting to fake. She fakes that she doesn’t know how to wash her clothes when from the start she already know how to because that’s her job in the house.She told her friends that it was a command because she forgot her lights open. Like wt. It was her weekly chore. What a hypo. Then her friends is the one that she says that were flirts. 

Now I don’t care anymore. Right now, I don’t care at all that she decided to continue something with the dude. Because it’s her choice, I have no control of that. But I just can’t accept the fact that she sugarcoats everything and lies to me. Then what she did to her ex is just unforgivable. I know someday karma will go back to her.