#sa blackness

[sablackness-blog]

Dear Little Sister,

So sweet, so innocent, most precious and pure. It is time for me to be completely honest and transparent with you. I worry about you, though at times you may not be able to see it. I fear that you are not safe in this troublesome world. I wish I could protect you from all things evil and hurtful.

 If my words are of any value to you, I would tell you to be kind and pleasant to everyone. Generating good karma is an important habit. Your spirituality and faith will be key when dealing with difficult situations. It is normal to get discouraged, but believe in yourself and you are halfway to achieving whatever you set out to do. 

Surround yourself with people who will correct your mistakes, celebrate your successes, and motivate you. If there is something you love doing, make sure you practice and take time to become better even if you are the best. All the work you do should be your best. Make sure you are not allowing anyone to deter you from the dreams and goals you have set for yourself. That brings me to bad influences. Do not grant anyone the satisfaction of being able to control you. Be your own person. Individuality will be the best trait you can bring to a friendship or relationship. 

Do not get so engulfed in your feelings and emotions that you lose focus on you. People will hurt you by a mistake and most tragically, on purpose; but do not let heartbreak and betrayal define you. By this, I mean grow through the unfortunate happenings of losing friends and lovers. Develop tough skin and love through your hurt. Do not let one miserable experience ruin you. It is normal to cry and be sad, but do not choose to be sad forever. Pain is temporary and suffering is a choice. Get up and keep yourself preoccupied. Find a new hobby like reading, painting, dancing, or boxing. 

Be stern in your beliefs, but not stubborn. Stay open minded and woke. Know your history and not just the “facts” they teach in school. Find the knowledge on your own by reading books and articles. Your greatest challenge in life will be learning to love yourself, despite the self-hate society promotes. 

My little sister, I need you to know that you are special. You are beautiful. You are important. You are needed. You are loved. You will do tremendous things and I need you to trust that.  My dear little sister, I am routing for you.

Love Your Biggest Fan and Protector,

Your Dear Older Sister

[sablackness-blog]

Black Hair Matters

My hair was permed when I was pretty young, so I do not remember the type of texture I had. However, I remember the struggle of slicking my hair down with jell because otherwise, my ponytail wouldn’t look “right” without it. For some reason, stray hairs are unacceptable, especially in the black community. If you have stray hairs from your ponytail or braids, it’s considered raggedy. This was part of the reason I used to wish I had “white girl hair”, as I occasionally found myself saying. I also often wished that the Hispanic genes my father told me so much about, would dominate and take the wheel. It seemed to never happen. The other reasons I was so fed up with my hair were because it was not draping down my back, it would get nappy and dry if I did not sleep with a scarf, it shriveled up when it got wet, and it only seemed to be silky smooth after my perms every 6 weeks. 

I recall taking my hair out of my neatly done ponytails to “play in it”, as my mother called it. All the girls at school with long hair wore their hair out. They always ran their fingers through their velvety hair at least a million times a day. I wanted to do the same.  My hair just not what I wanted it to be. 

Coming into college, I noticed that almost all of the African girls are natural, but they often wear weaves, braids, or wigs; or regularly alternate between those three and their natural styles. A few of the West Indian girls wear weaves but are natural too. My second year, I began my transition because my hair was severely damaged due to different heat sources and failing to get my perms regularly. I spent a lot of time researching different curling and twist out methods. They often worked. But I was ready for all the damaged hair to be GONE! I began chopping last summer and have not stopped since. 

Spring 2015 - Trasitioning; No perm in 1 Year

Fall 2015 - Two Years w/o Perm

Winter 2016 - Cut into Bob &Two Years & some months w/o Perm; (Straightened) 

Spring 2016 - Two & a half years natural

I committed the BIG CHOP on July 14th, and really do not want to look back. Granted, my natural hair can be annoying sometimes but it is because I compare it to the “good” natural hair I’ve seen on Instagram, Tumblr, and Pinterest. I haven’t quite figured out my hair and what works, but I will admit it’s fun “playing in my hair”.

In a way, I feel like I am getting to know myself just by learning my hair type and texture. I am growing to love my natural, nappy, sometimes dry, shriveled up hair. It’s wonderful! 

July 2016 - Big CHOP