#sadrant

[briannanicole1963]

Man they are really taking us down through there this season. I remember just a year ago Tumblr would be buzzing, my group would excited as fuck....but, tonight I could count the people. Used to be everyone had something to say, the conversation was difficult to follow and before you could hit send the topic's moved on. I remember actually looking forward to it. Fix it fics were rolling out every day and I loved it. I know it's just a show but...I was gone over a year due to working 3rd shift and not being able to watch on time. I come back and its so..silent and sad, the show itself getting harder and harder to watch. But I can't stop now, I gotta see where the family ends up, you know?

Guess I'm just missing the old days. Missing the life of our fandom, whether its my beloved rickyl or any other pairing. I'm just missing it and I hope we're not done yet.

[sororalbean]

I was naive

I was naive to think what I felt before was pain. I don’t think I’ll ever fully recover from the last hour of my life I just lived. I can tell you what the worst pain feels like now in full detail. The pain you can’t make go away and the words I read that I keep seeing when I close my eyes. The words that have ruined any future possible means of working out. I feel sick to my stomach. I feel empty like every light in me went dark. Any hope I had of things getting better in time with us crushed and any love I had demolished. I’ve grown to hate myself in the last hour for putting up with so much just to have things made out to be my fault. I’m apparently a “self righteous bitch” for leaving an extremely toxic situation and trying to heal. One person can only handle so much negativity before they move away from the situation and when you lost me you became an angry disaster, but you have no one to blame but yourself. I know deep in my heart I loved you and did all I could to make that clear I stayed with you through your lying and hiding bad things your lacking effort and choosing to tell me you can’t hangout then going out to see your friends telling me to leave bc you don’t wanna see me and leaving me alone crying my eyes out bc you can’t control your temper even putting me down and saying harsh things and dumping me more than once (even for your ex at one point) then coming back bc it was a mistake and you were “just angry”, you’ve done awful things to me but I stayed. I always stayed begged for you, loved you, I stayed. A year later I finally fall apart and stop putting in all the effort and long behold you break up with me again but this last time I become silent and don’t beg for you back. I’m no longer there and when you realize what you’ve done and when you try to come back there’s nothing left of me to give you bc you’ve taken it all. You are so angry that I’ve grown silent but what else can you expect. It’s so bizarre to me that you don’t see how wrong you’ve done me. I can’t understand you anymore or the situation or how it came to be but that must mean I’m not meant to understand or grasp it. It’s not meant for me and I’m not meant for it.

[endeverous]

why do the online friends all have to (mostly) be close to each other and none of them ever close to me 😢 i don't want to need to spend many hundred dollars on plane tickets I want to be able to land travel to more than 500,000 people before needing to get on a boat. stupid baka island in the middle of the stupid baka ocean.

[mariku-junrei]

A Trying Day

Hello Tumblr its been a while since ive posted in my own words but i guess im just here for a little bit of a vent.

for a long while ive been severely depressed and because of so i havent been able to keep up with my own personal goals that for me to to completely finish a game that im working on or at least get it to alpha ive gone through this possess so many times before and every time i finally get my self up enough to start working diligently the ball really gets rolling and im happy and everything is good... but then “It” always happens the great “Something” Bad always happens... files get corrupted, back up files also become corrupted computers break internet or electricity gets shut off drawing tabled dies something and it just drives me so far into a pit of just UGH WHY i cant even explain it today its the charger to my computer that has been working fine all day then poof no workie...now all that gusto i had to move forward that creative spark all the effort it took to continue just got one shotted... i was so happy about starting again and now im just feeling so utterly defeated i just want to give up.i cried tbh i cried really fucking hard its like the cosmos is against me doing this...

i just want to make games so i can share my imagination with others but “Something” always “Something” has to happen im at a loss anyway thanks to whoever read this if anyone even reads these. 

[shipsburn]

Thinking that someone actually wanted you and gave a shit but now it just feels like only sex. But u like really mentally fucked up and it sorta makes you feel valid???? Idk man, everything's just fucked.

[novemberofninetytwo]

Tonight, I'm craving all those nights where I didn't sleep near enough but I had people surrounding me who wanted me around. I was only a text away from friendship and compassion at any given moment. How did I get so far away from that? I long for companionship; romantic and platonic. Having had a taste of that companionship again for a day is making it even harder to convince myself that I don't care. I do care. I care so desperately. I want to share my love. I want to care for someone. I want them to care for me. I guess I'm overwhelmingly lonely.

[inlackofabettername-blog]

From the moment I bummed a smoke off of him at the small venue that night, something was different about him. It was something I needed to have. From the moment I had first gotten a taste of him personality, I was already addicted. The way he laughed, smiled, walked, spoke, glanced at me, enjoyed music, spoke about life, took a drag from his cigarette. Everything. Everything about him was addicting. Never once did he stop being anything less than a human being I craved and needed. We connected and got along like we had been together for 70 years. I still lay in bed at night thinking about the way he would drive with me at night. The times we lived together. The distance weeks apart. The 13 hour road trip. The scares. The lies and the problems. He is still my soul mate. I hope he's laying his head down now thinking about something sweet. Although I wish he was laying his head on my chest. Some days from start to finish its all about focusing on breathing. Focusing on going through my daily functions knowing he's out there, just not with me. Knowing the love of my life is driving along with no one asking how his days are, no one to wipe away his tears and no one to stare at the stars with. But who knows. Love is one sided and love is all in your head. Medicating day after day to the strongest dose will overcome thinking about it every second. Dreaming about all the old times when my eyes shutter close finally. I never want to wakeup from walking on the beach with him when my eyes are closed at night. Now all I will do is pray he meets me again just like when I was 17 smoking a cigarette at that show.