#saki rambles

[shreddingdoodls]

Hi *takes a huge bite out of your shredder and leaves*

well... i guess hes fine

[jasakime]

I will be working on a new ref sheet for Anti, don't worry, he's still gonna look the same, just gonna get some new haircuts ☺️

[shreddingdoodls]

i wonder if anyone else thinks about just how much shredder has issues regarding his own identity.

he's human, obviously, and he's the son of oroku keiji, the previous leader of his actual family heritage. he's later taken and forced to be someone who he isnt, someone who's complacent towards the hamato clan, someone who's supposed to be willing to "understand" things whenever he was just a child and adults around him were putting all this baggage onto him, purely for being someone who's not hamato blood. he's hamato yoshi's younger brother, and later a lover to tang shen. albeit it didn't last long. saki later in his life realizes he never was hamato, and his actual family have been wiped out. he has and always had been oroku, and pure oroku blood. now, what does this say about his identity?

so far we know so little of him, we only see tidbits of his temper, his pettiness and inability to understand and take accountability but it never shows us anything too deep. he was a part of a tragedy and a disgusting meaningless result of the hamato clan sparing him out of the "kindness" of their heart.

he was a son of hamato yuuta, and then he was the son of oroku keiji.

but what does he see himself as? what kind of person is he, under all that angst, anger, hatred and spite? nothing meaningful.

he DOESN'T know himself. saki thought he knew what he was supposed to be, what he was supposed to do and act like but that all shattered. and now all he has is a broken heritage and honor that he HAS to restore again. because the hamato clan took that away from him and he wants to keep the only thing that had any connection to his real family alive. what does that make him?

the only last remaining oroku to have ever lived. but that doesn't make you, what you are. that doesn't make and shape you to what person you want to be. and that's all he is. he's dedicated himself to being just that, a symbol and vengeance and anger and hatred, a symbol of tragedy of what happened to the foot clan because centuries old petty fued between the two clans leading to both later falling and crumbling apart. he's dedicated to the honor of his clan that he LOST himself, lost his own identity, lost his own humanity because even though he is human he never saw himself as anything but someone, someTHING, to bring back what little honor he could to the broken clan he was left with.

all he saw himself and let himself be was a reminder of past grief and trauma. the son of the deceased oroku keiji and the leader of the new found foot clan. he never let himself be anything outside of the clan, because he desperately clings onto it, his only connection to some sort of real identity compared to the previous one he had to live with that was filled with lies, deceit and falsehoods. so thats all he made himself out to be. a clan leader, a father to the next heir of the clan, a man who was successful and had everything, but nothing at the same time.

oroku saki, shredder, is human. but he never let's himself be what makes you humane because he doesn't know how to be himself. his identity lost and broken through so much pain and grief he doesn't allow himself to be anyone else outside of his clan. doesn't allow himself to have hobbies, to have fun, to spend time with his daughter like how other fathers do, it always has to have some connection with his clan. he can't and doesn't allow himself to be ACTUALLY human.

and that's one of his many flaws.

[shreddingdoodls]

PLEASE hear me out on this idea. we all know shredder redemption arc aus are a must, and we all need it. BUT I represent you an alternative:

Forced Redemption.

Because think about it, in actual canon, it'd be so unlikely he would have any form of redemption arc due to how the writers decided to have written him, very poorly. What if as an alternative, a redemption arc is placed but not WILLINGLY? What other choice does he have? Either a second chance, or death. And despite how unlikely he'd be able to recover, maybe he sees it as an opportunity to have another chance to get back at the turtles, and Splinter.

He wouldn't easily back down, despite his hatred of the idea of redemption, he sees that as a means to survival and having another go at finally killing that wretched rat he so despises so much. Despite this though, what if he was just utterly miserable while being forcely redeemed? Redemption is one thing, but it has to be willingly to the person who has done wrong to people. If it isn't willing, then it isn't redemption. As you cannot FORCE someone to redeem themselves, and expect results to come out good.

The reason why he's being forcefully redeemed? Is because of Splinter himself. The turtles have managed to defeat him, but what if they know how much Splinter misses his brother, Saki, no matter how much he tells them that what has been done is done, how Shredder has made up his mind long time ago. But despite this they know of his hope and longing to have his little brother back. How much he misses having him by his side rather than in his shadow. He never got to tell Saki how much he truly cared for him and that aches his very heart.

What if just like Shredder, Splinter is as stubborn as you'd think he can be. Despite knowing not to let his heart control and cloud his better judgment, when it comes to his brother he cannot help but have that all thrown out of the window. He knows of the risk, letting Shredder be at their side for his path of redemption, but he holds that hope so tightly, as if letting any gap between his hands would have it slip away from him.

And the PARALLELS. imagine the parallels. Shredder has to face that history has happened once more, how he had been spared as a child by Yuuta out of "the kindness of his heart" despite taking everything away from him since birth, and now? The hamatos yet again spare his life, forcing him to be something he's NOT. Sparing him as their act of "kindness", giving him a second chance he does not want but has no choice but to take. Because it's either that or death. And deep down he is afraid of dying. He is afraid of death, because that would mean everything he's done would be all for nothing. And he won't let that be what the Foot Clan would remain as.

[shreddingdoodls]

wanna know what I've been constantly thinking about shredder? he's literally become what he most likely swore to himself he'd never be. he'd become JUST like hamato yuuta, the very man he despises through his very core. he has so many and i mean SO many parallel potential with hamato yuuta and the things theyve done. they're just bad as each other, shredder just slowly becoming worse than him as time went on trying to kill hamato and the turtles. his jealousy and rage and obsession, his falsehoods of what he tells people... this is literally what HAPPENED to him

the history and cycle still repeats, karai is the only one being able to change that.

[shreddingdoodls]

I'M ALJVE I JUST HATE RENDERING!!!

[shreddingdoodls]

sometimes i look at 2012 shredder and sigh, grieving how almost no one makes content of my man

[shreddingdoodls]

I'M NOT DEAD!! ive been struggling on keeping up with my fixations, but lately my tmnt 2012 fixation has come BACK full speed ahead! it might take me some time to properly update and produce artworks but I wouldn't be opposed to yapping about more self indulgent and potential aus I've been thinking and cooking up for a while even after I felt my love for shredder dwindling. i will be back folks!!