It was just as Sasori had thought, and Nagato had his desk cleared the moment he revealed the reason behind his visit with Sakura by his side. The man had been one of the most vocal with his agreement to give Sakura the time to reveal information willingly, for Sasori's sake, but he could see the relief as they made themselves comfortable.
Sasori relayed everything Sakura had told him, with the pinkette nodding from time to time to confirm his words. Nagato did not write anything down but Sasori had no doubt every word coming from his mouth was properly remembered.
"Sasori, I will schedule you and Deidara for the scouting job tomorrow," Nagato said.
"The one along the north border?" Sasori asked, wondering where this had suddenly come from. Missions were usually assigned days in advance, and it was unusual for anyone to be handed one so abruptly.
Nagato nodded. "I know Kakuzu and Hidan were scheduled for it, but I will relay this change to them. Check out the Snake's hideout again. Take Sakura with you."
Sakura's head snapped up at the same time his leader's words registered in his mind. "What?"
Nagato pulled out a file Sasori recognized to be one of many salvaged from Orochimaru's base. "Take Sakura with you and check through the Northern Hideout again," he said. "She is, after all, the one with the most knowledge on the area."
Sasori glanced over at Sakura, gauging her reaction. The pinkette's face had been free of any expression since she had taken a seat before Nagato's desk, and she continued to show no reaction.
"What are you hoping to gain from this?" Sasori asked curiously.
Nagato closed his eyes and linked his hands in front of his face. "We gained tremendous amounts of data from the raid," he said. "The surprise element clearly allowed us to gain information Orochimaru would have otherwise prioritized the deletion of. We will soon be moving onto the next part of this operation." He then turned away from him and fixed his gaze on Sakura. "You, Sakura, are a major trump card we have. Nothing about you has been disclosed to anyone outside of the Akatsuki. I doubt anyone, let alone Orochimaru, even knows if you are dead or alive. However, there is a major problem with using this advantage we have."
Sasori watched his Soulmate slowly raise her head to meet Nagato's gaze. There was a hesitation he always saw about her, but she did not look away. "You don't trust me," she said.
Nagato smiled faintly. "I want to," he admits. He does not say why, but from the way Sasori receives a quick glance tells him enough; it is, again, for him. "But you have been Orochimaru's for a very long time."
Sakura bit her lip. "That is reasonable," she said slowly. "I don't know what else I can do but to tell you that I will do anything to free us."
Nagato nodded. "Show me," he replied. "Carve us a path towards the Snake's takedown."
Sasori saw the way Sakura tilted her head in his direction, met her gaze with his. Something appeared to click in her mind, for she bit down on her lower lip once more before she met Nagato's gaze. "Okay."
Nagato nodded. "Is that alright, Sasori?"
Sasori had noticed something during the times he spent with Sakura. Whenever she talked about her experience under Orochimaru, as rare and brief as they were, she often said 'us' as opposed to 'me' or 'I'. He had a feeling the chains that kept her bound to Orochimaru were threats than endangered those who had been her companions back when she had still been one of the Snake's pets. He didn't know if 'friend' was an appropriate term, considering the circumstances, but he thought it was close enough.
In fact, perhaps they were more.
He could recall how Itachi had once told him the Soulmate bond tied together the lives of two people in a physical manner, and that acted to enhance the emotional connection upon meeting. Perhaps relationships born in the deepest pits of suffering tied people together in ways others did not understand.
People wanted to be understood, after all. That was why Soulmates was a concept that dictated the lives of some, and how could one who had suffered a life of servitude as a victim of kidnapping and human experimentation hope to find understanding from someone who had lived a completely different life?
Images of the countless numbers of scars that had marred his body at one point or another flashed before his eyes. The scars faded as the wounds on the Soulmate faded, and Sasori now knew why his had vanished much faster compared to the scars his friends shared with their Soulmates. Still, there had to be something in the moments where they had shared the pain, right?
He glanced over at his Soulmate who was looking expectantly at him, and he remembered that Nagato had asked him a question. "Understood," he said.
Sakura was bound to others with a bond forged through years of suffering together. He had hurt with her too, but he knew it wasn't the same. He wondered if what he had with her was enough.
Nagato did not seem to notice his dilemma, and he nodded. "I trust you can relay the plan to Deidara?" He asked. "I am aware the notice is short, but you have the rest of the day to prepare and since we are no longer to lay low you will probably be able to arrive at the destination before the sun completely sets. There is a slight chance Orochimaru's men might be lingering, but I highly doubt it. Regardless, Deidara can fly you all there so there is no risk of Sakura being seen."
Sasori nodded, glad there was something for him to focus on. "Especially with the way we followed up the invasion with such a large scale search," he pointed out. "Even if the operation wasn't made public, people are sure to notice something. The Snake probably won't risk anything that might have him traced."
"Even if you do come across his men, the hideout is so isolated there is no risk in engaging in combat. You and Deidara are capable of taking down anyone you may come across, and I doubt Sakura will have problems protecting herself."
"We'll just have to eliminate any enemies we come across," Sasori said easily.
"You want to keep my survival a secret, and yet you are sending me outside the walls of your base," Sakura said slowly.
"Keeping your fate unknown is largely precaution," Nagato told her. "We have no way to know just how much value your hold within Orochimaru's twisted mind and there is no reason to recklessly attempt to find out. However, risks are also necessary. Our goal is to bring down Orochimaru, and while it is preferred we do it quietly and without fuss, we can only hope for the best and prepare for the worst. We cannot attempt to avoid all problems before they occur, we must eliminate them as we come across them. Problems are a part of the process, after all."
Sakura nodded.
"If there anything we should know of before we commence this mission?" Nagato asked.
Sasori watched the way Sakura rubbed at her wrist. She was nervous.
"You said no one knows of my fate," she said after a moment. "That is probably wrong."
Sasori narrowed his eyes. "Why do you say that?" He asked slowly.
Sakura did not reply for a while. "It doesn't matter, I think," she finally said.
"It will matter if this knowledge sabotages our plans," Nagato said.
"Orochimaru will not find out," Sakura said, and a hand slowly moved up to settle above her heart. "This knowledge will do nothing but bring relief to those who care, and they will not sell me out."
Sasori glanced over at Nagato, who seemed to be deep in thought. If she were trying to deceive them, there was no reason for Sakura to tell them this, and if not, there was no reason for her to lie about it.
"We had a way of keeping track of one another," Sakura explained. "But that contact was lost sometime during the invasion."
"So essentially, no one knows," Sasori concluded.
The edge of Sakura's mouth twitched, almost as though she were about to smile. "I guess so."
"What does that mean for us?" Nagato asked patiently.
"Nothing much, honestly," Sakura admitted. "But, you may find more help within Orochimaru's labs than you may think."
In that moment, Sasori understood one thing. Just like Nagato did not fully trust Sakura yet, Sakura did not trust them with her former companions either, and just like how Nagato was giving Sakura a chance to play a role to build the trust, she was giving them a chance to gain hers.
Apart from the snippets they were given, they would not receive any more information about those she considered important to her unless Sasori could prove that his words from before were true. Still, he wondered, what did vocal promises of protection mean to a girl who had been suffering her entire life?
Sakura dropped her hand from her chest to hang loosely by her side. "We don't want to hurt anyone-"
Sasori knew those words-"-but you will if you must," and he found himself completing the sentence he had heard before.
Sakura turned to him, eyes a little wider than usual, but she nodded firmly. "We will if we must," she agreed.
Sakura did not complain when Sasori told her to wait for him in his room while he hunted down Deidara; he was not in the mood to face baseless taunting from the blond, and he knew that having Sakura with him would simply give his friend more material to work with. He walked her back and sat her down on his bed before he headed out towards his partner's room.
With Sakura's soft footsteps no longer chasing him like a shadow, Sasori found that he could think.
Sakura did not trust him. He knew it was to be expected, that it was a good, reasonable and cautious reaction on her part.
The childish part of him did not care. It thought it was unfair.
The Soulmate bond only connected physical pain; Sasori had no way of knowing if the girl was as emotionally taxed as he was. She did not know of their bond, so she probably wasn't. Or did she feel something, just as he did, even if she didn't know where exactly the feelings originated from?
In fact, why did he feel compelled to take care of the girl? Was it the bond forcefully making him feel the need to protect his Soulmate? Was it the pressure from all his friends, who seemed adamant on him being by her side whenever he had the time?
Regardless, he decided that he did not appreciate being forced to take care of a girl. The Soulmate bond itself was one major headache. He wondered why people thought it was a nice idea. Romantic, he had often heard. It allowed two people to understand each other in ways no one else could ever hope to.
Sasori could do without such understandings just fine. After all, he didn't think there was anything romantic about not knowing if anything he felt for someone was genuine, or was compelled by some unknown force.
He had a feeling most of the opinions came from people who had never met their Soulmates. They must have been written by those who did not understand the pain of being stabbed multiple times a day. He knew his case was special, and Sakura was an extreme example. but the idea of it did not change.
The bond relayed pain because somewhere, one's Soulmate had been hurt. Sometimes, he thought people forgot that.
pairing: sasori x sakura
prompt: soulmate au where you are colorblind to a specific color until you meet your soulmate
genre: light angst // unrequited feelings // drama
word count: 1,685
summary: “Deep down inside, don’t you want to be like me?” No. No, she did not want to be like him. She would never be like him.
a/n: I have no idea where this came from, but I am all about the angst right now and this pairing seemed perfect for it. This story is unbeta’d so any mistakes are my own. I hope you all enjoy!
Since the day Sakura Haruno was born, she cannot see the color red.
And it’s a pity, really, because despite being able to wear her family crest in any variation of shade, Ino insists that she compliment the Haruno emblem with red because absolutely nothing else would match her bottle green eyes and bubblegum pink hair.
So, Sakura puts all of the trust that her little ten-year-old body could muster into her best friend and they go to the store together, sifting through the clothing racks, pulling out different tunics and blouses that are nothing but boring, dull shades of gray in Sakura’s eyes.
But, it will work out in the end because eventually, she will meet her soulmate and as soon as she looks them in the eye, all the varying shades of crimson, red, and garnet will bleed back into her life, and it’ll be just perfect.
Because that’s what soulmates are: perfect.
And everything will be right in the world, just like in those stories that her mother tells her about.
…Right?
-o-
They learn about the history of soulmates in the academy.
Iruka-sensei shares with them a vague history of it all; too many adages about humanity and hubris. About how mankind was always too selfish for their own good and the greed that had festered over the years could have been the potential cause of it all.
The absurd thing is, not a single one of those proverbs or sayings could accurately describe why it happened or where it began. Did the gods craft this for them? Was this a punishment? A gift?
No one had the correct answers. Whatever is written in scrolls and textbooks over the last century are assumptions and attempts at categorization. They can only learn from the past and what is going on in the present, what happens in the here and now, and write their own version of the events in journals in hopes that it might help others in the future.
There are a few things that they do know for sure:
It is possible for one to never to find their soulmate.
If one soulmate dies, the other is not necessarily subject to the same fate.
And, it is different for everyone; how soulmates are discovered, found, and chosen. More often than not, it depends on the region that one is born into.
In Konoha, they are color blind to a specific hue.
In Iwagakure, they feel their soulmate’s pain, sometimes sharing the same scars of past missions and battles.
In Suna, there is a black spot marring the skin where their soulmate is supposed to touch them for the first time. After the initial contact, it fades back into their bodies as if it were never there in the first place.
When their introductory lessons are over, Sakura can’t help but feel a little relieved.
She doesn’t think that she would particularly like a physical mark maiming her skin or some ambiguous words etched into her arm that may or may not lead her to the person she would spend the rest of her life with.
She may be biased more towards her village for obvious reasons, but overall, she doesn’t mind being blind to shades of red because there will be no doubt when the time comes.
When those new colors dance into her vision, Sakura will know precisely who her soulmate is, and they can be together without any misgivings or uncertainties.
-o-
Over the years, things change. People, places, and settings. They all change.
Long gone were the academy days and her dreaming of the infinitely perfect meet-cute with her soulmate.
It’s not to say that Sakura hates the idea of soulmates. That’s the exact opposite, actually. She cares a little too much, and there are far too many instances throughout her childhood in which she had been so bitterly envious of those around her who found their soulmates easily.
TenTen and Neji have been together for years, even before the academy, and for Naruto, all it took was one quick look at the stuttering Hinata before his screeching of, “I finally know what color the sky is! Dattebayo!” was heard around the village.
She knew that people felt sorry for her – mostly her parents and Ino – and that was because, with the more time that passed, Sakura became increasingly aware that her soulmate was most likely not a member of the Village Hidden in the Leaves.
Though one’s soulmate didn’t necessarily have to be a member of the same village, it’s a commonality that occurs more often than not, and she can’t help but feel horribly cheated by the discovery.
Sakura puts a lot of time into becoming a strong shinobi after that. With Naruto’s departure for further training and Sasuke’s defection, it was time for her to put silly dreams aside and work on becoming stronger.
Though she tells herself she’s putting all of her time into drills, lessons, and hospital work to be able to hold her own – to show Naruto and Kakashi that she deserves to be a member of Team Seven, to bring Sasuke home – there is always that traitorous little voice in the back of her mind which whispers to her late at night.
It tells her that the stronger she becomes, the more missions she can take, and the further she can go.
And, maybe, just maybe, she can find her soulmate along the way.
-o-
She doesn’t sleep much over the course of those two and a half years.
If anyone asked, Sakura blamed it on her rigorous tutelage under Lady Tsunade and not on the gnawing loneliness that ached in her chest.
-o-
When Naruto comes home, things get easier.
Sakura breathes easier.
And though the desire to find her soulmate still weighs heavily on her shoulders, Sakura still has her friends, family, and her team.
Things just feel so overwhelmingly right when they complete that bell test for the second time that, if only just for a moment, Sakura believes even if she were to never meet her soulmate, she’ll turn out just fine.
-o-
It isn’t long after, that Gaara goes missing.
What starts off as a day filled with her reprimanding Naruto because he couldn’t and wouldn’t pick a mission for their team due to his stubbornness and desire for a sense of danger, turns into them running through the dry, arid Suna desert with such desperation that it’s almost painful.
And this…
This.
In a country that is not her own, amongst enemies that are trying to capture and kill a friend, is where she finds her soulmate.
Sakura doesn’t realize it at first, because when she and Lady Chiyo force themselves through walls made of rock and stone, he is hidden inside a puppet.
But after, when she smashes that same puppet down to splinters and slivers of wood, he emerges with nothing but a cold, cruel smirk on his face and contempt in those gray eyes.
Her world shifts on its axis.
Lady Chiyo is taken aback by the fact that he looks as if he hasn’t aged more than a day since she last saw him.
And Sakura…
Sakura is lost in the vivacity of his short, mousy red hair.
-o-
Sasori has no outward reaction to her and Sakura later finds out that is because he no longer has a human body.
“My heart is just like this body,” he tells them.
Emotionless. Cold. Hollow.
If Sakura felt embittered in her younger years, it’s nothing in comparison to the spitefulness she feels now. It is not fair. The chance of having a real relationship with her soulmate is stolen out from underneath her feet without her even realizing it.
Fleetingly, she wonders where his soulmark was on his original body. Just where had the black spot been that announced him as her own?
She doesn’t have time to ask, to divulge further into the madness that is Sasori of the Red Sand.
There is a fight to win and a Kazekage to save, and Sakura is nothing but a conundrum of animosity, resentment, and unhinged loathing.
She fights and defends and bleeds – has blood always been that dark? – and Sakura gives all that she has to give to keep herself and Lady Chiyo alive.
She can’t tell him; she won’t tell him because this was the path he chose. He is no longer human, and though she would like to believe that Sasori is capable of redemption, Sakura knows better than to let herself think that he wants to be redeemed.
“I’ve killed hundreds of people,” he sneers when they have him trapped, his core impaled. “She would be no different from the rest.”
And Sakura believes him, but she isn’t scared of him. Not like this.
“Deep down inside, don’t you want to be like me?”
No.
No, she did not want to be like him. She would never be like him.
-o-
As Sakura watches the last remnants of life drain from his emotionless eyes, a part of her dies along with him.
And silently, she weeps for herself, for Sasori, and for the injustice of it all.
But mostly, she just cries because she was never given the chance to get to know him.
-o-
Over the next few years, there are a few select people that she tells.
Her parents hold her close, worried for what is to become of their daughter.
Naruto and Kakashi both give her pitying glances, but they do not change their attitudes with the knowledge. They will always be her surrogate family and they silently vow to never leave her side.
And Ino...
Sakura and Ino huddle together late one night and just cry. Earth shattering sobs and broken, pain filled wails that leave them feeling empty, but content when they are finished.
Sakura will be alright.
She will pull through.
-o-
In hindsight, Sakura really should thank Ino for forcing her to go shopping all those years ago.
