Polymorph- (Critical Role, Fjord)
I’ve been sitting on this fic for a while because I usually find the ‘character with the kink sets of someone’s allergies on purpose’ scenario seems too cartoonish for the characters I like. However, Critical Role gives us:
Fjord- has terrible cat allergies in canon Jester- is sworn to plays pranks in dedication to her trickster deity. Grew up in a sex-positive environment (her mum is a sex-worker) and is really comfortable with her desires. Has the magic to both change her shape and to heal. Has a huge crush on Fjord.
It writes itself really. Here it is- Jester can have a little setting Fjord’s allergies off without his knowing, then getting to heal him and earn his gratitude. As a treat.
Jester took a deep breath and cast ‘polymorph’ on herself.
There was the usual sensation of falling as she collapsed into a smaller body. Upon opening her eyes she took a moment to adjust to her new perspective, much closer to the floor. Jester rolled on her back and took in the whole of her magically adopted form; a lithe, long-haired cat. Perfect.
Her first order of business was to climb up on Fjord's bed and lounge luxuriously on the blankets. She lolled against the pillow, rubbing her face into it and relishing the half-orc's masculine scent. She felt an illicit thrill at this invasion of his privacy. This would be completely inappropriate to do in her normal form. Doing it as the animal he was dramatically allergic to was beyond acceptable. That was why she was doing it.
Well, one of the reasons.
Her next order of business was to explore the room and twine around the furniture, lifting a cloud of fur and dander into the air. It did feel good. She could see why Frumpkin did it. The new, cat part of her brain purred in satisfaction as she rubbed her cheek against a pair of his boots. This is mine, and this is mine, and you're mine.
Eventually she judged that she had spread sufficient allergens into the air. She didn't want Fjord to notice a mess of hair and immediately leave his room, after all. That wasn't the idea at all. Her work completed, she leapt to the open windowsill and settled on the branch of the tree to wait. It should afford her an excellent view.
……………………………
Cat-Jester didn’t have to wait long for Fjord to return to his room.
Even the sound of him opening the door made her giddy with anticipation. Oh, she shouldn’t have done this. What a mean trick to play on someone she was more or less in love with... How perfectly delightful. She could feel the Traveller’s approval at the prank but it was a slight thing compared to the arousal unfurling in her belly at the very thought of what she’d done.
Fjord sat on the bed and removed his shirt.
He really was very handsome. She knew he was self-conscious about his strength and the slightness of his build in contrast to his orcish heritage, but the sight was pleasing. She watched him pour water from the ewer and splash his face, running his hands back through his dark hair to smooth it into place.
Then he paused, head tilted as if listening.
Jester knew what he was experiencing and why, even if he didn't yet, and was ready to catch the subtlest indications. His chest rose with an unsteady breath as he sniffled hard. A broad hand went to his nose and he switched a finger back and forth in obvious irritation. Next, his expression went a little vague.
Ah, there it was. His nostrils flared open and his expression crept from vague to downright concerned, eyes squinting where the horizon would be. A deep, uncertain breath and-
“Hnxt-!”
He didn't cover his face, didn't need to. The sudden thrust of his head was aggressive but almost silent, perfectly contained even in private. Ah, she had wondered about that.
He shook his head and continued about his business but Jester could clearly see that the allergic reaction was only beginning.
“-hh'nkt” A sneeze as he crossed the room to the wardrobe.
Another almost-silent "--mkt!" as he put on a fresh shirt. Another as he gathered the peices of his armour and sat down to oil them. Yet another, making him turn his head from his work and look around for the cause of his distress.
Now he was sniffling compulsively, a wet, chaotic punctuation that must only make the itching worse. Fjord fished out a handkerchief and blew his nose, following it with a series of deliberate coughs to try and scratch the irritation in his throat.
From her vantage point, Jester squirmed deliciously. She could feel arousal blossoming and managed to feel a little guilty, but not guilty enough.
He looked up, pinching fingertips into the corner of his eyes to rub away the gritty sensation.
"Frumpkin?" He called the name of his friend's cat.
Not Frumpkin. I did this to you. Jester gloated, smoothing her whiskers with a delicate paw. Oh it was so nice to be a-
“That fucking cat!”
Ah, Fjord had spotted the wisps of shed fur on his pillow. Jester knew having those hairs clinging to his fingers was unlikely to make the reaction worse when he was already in a room well-seasoned with dander and fluff, but the sight of them seemed to tip Fjord into a fully-fledged allergic attack.
He wiped his hands on his pants and promptly gave up any pretence of doing anything else but stand in the middle of the room and wait to sneeze.
Unfortunately the sensation was teasing him now. His nostrils flared and his brows tilted into an expression of acute distress but the sneeze alluded him at the last minute.
"Heh… iehh…” Jester held her breath with him for a long moment. Fjord shook his head slightly then drew a series of desperate, melodic little gasps. “ah- ah- ah’TSSSHHHuu!”
Oh, poor Fjord. It was wonderful to watch, though. He was never so theatrical in company but ostensibly alone the man succumbed to soft, vocal sounds as he tried to wipe his nose and failed into another, chaotic-
“Fucksa- aa-ke- ah- TSSSCHhhue!”
Jester groaned, feeling her back arch and his tail tilt suggestively skyward. Okay, being this turned on in animal-form was starting to get a little weird and Fjord really did sound as though he was suffering. Perhaps it was time to go and put him out of his misery….
* * * * * * * * * * *
It took only a matter of seconds to return to her usual shape, then only a few seconds more to cast 'dimension door' and return herself to the corridor outside Fjord’s room.
She paused with her hand on the handle for a long moment, listening as Fjord continued to sneeze, and arranged her face into guileless sympathy.
"Oh Fjord, are you okay in there?" She called.
"Hey Jes’." He managed to keep his voice steady but she could hear a waver at the edge.. "Do you need something?"
"Not especially." She said lightly and pushed open the door.
She caught the half-orc man swiping hastily at his face with a dry handkerchief and trying his best to appear normal. His nose was flushed and dripping, tears trickling down one cheek even as he tried to keep it together. Gods, he was a mess. He was perfect. And she had done this to him.
"Oh my goodness. What's the matter, Fjord? You look awful…" She rolled the word around her mouth to watch him squirm.
"It's- - I'm-- ghh--" He couldn't speak, could only collapse into another fit. For the sake of her presence he was stifling them again, she noticed. So polite.
"It's what?" She prompted, just to hear him try to speak.
"Cat." Was all he could manage.
"Oh, poor Fjord! Your allergies are so bad today..." She crooned.
Fjord nodded and gestured miserably towards his face, taking in his swollen eyes and dripping, irritated nose. "Can you- sdf- could some magic- hh- stop--?" He pinched his nose and tried again. "Ugh, can you please make this stdop?!"
The soft, pleading edge on his voice almost undid her. She felt her own breath becoming shallow and steadied herself to comment breezily, "I don’t think I’ve used my magic to cure allergies before. It might not even work. Let me see what I can do."
He nodded gratefully and collapsed onto a nearby chair so that he was looking up at her.
Jester took her time over her examination. It is glorious to be allowed, encouraged even, to look closely into his face and take note of the havoc her allergens had wrought on his poor, sensitive self.
"Hmmm, let me see. Your nose looks really itchy."
She reached and pet it gently, running her fingers down the bridge of it and then gently tweaking the tip.
"Jess- don't--" Fjord flinched away,
There were some benefits to having a reputation as a mediocre healer. "Don't what?" She asked, all innocence.
"Gonna- make me- sn-eeze-"
“Oh dear, just by going like this-?” He leaned back on the chair but there was nowhere for him to go as her fingers traced the tip of his nose again, coax-coax-coaxing at the very edges of his nostrils.
It was, of course, too much for him to bear. He drew a shuddering breath and wrenched over his lap to sneeze again and again, culminating in a truly orcish “HrRRRRRRFsch!!!!”
He hovered in place for a long minute afterward, uncertain whether the fit was truly over.
Eventually he raised his head, hands still cupped around his nose. The liquid edge of his sniffling made it obvious why, and he looked mortified about it. A flush of green had crept from his neck and flooded his cheeks. His ears looked like they were burned.
“Excuse me.” He mumbled, voice deep and lined with gravel behind the mask of his hands. “I’b so sorry. I really gotta blow my nose.”
“God bless you, Fjord!” Jester sighed indulgently, placing a comforting arm on his shoulder to let him know she wasn’t offended. Not in the slightest. She felt almost high with the power she had over him.
Almost as delicious was the power to make it all go away with a wave of her fingers.
‘Lesser restoration’ was a simple spell to cast and the moment the power left her, Fjord’s shoulders relaxed visibly. He drew a quick, helpless sniffle and coughed in apparent surprise when it met no resistance at all. His eyes still looked a little raw but nothing like they had been, as though the attack had been a few hours ago rather than mere seconds.
“Fuck, thanks Jes’.” Fjord’s voice was slurry with relief. “That’s so much better. I don’t know what just happened. My allergies are not usually that bad all of sudden.”
His eyes narrowed suspiciously. “If Caleb’s been letting his cat in my room, I swear to God…”
With that thought in mind, the orc rose and swept out the room ahead of her, not even bothering to put his shirt back on.
Jester managed to contain her glee until she was back in her own room with the door firmly shut. She could hear Caleb’s frantic denial and Fjord’s fist slamming the kitchen table for emphasis, punctuated by a stray sneeze that rattled the window frames. Gods, it was too good. She didn’t know whether to laugh, apologise to Caleb or find a way to make it up to Fjord without his knowing. First, however, she was due to spend some time with her hands between her legs and some choice mental images she would be savouring for a long, long time.
END. PS. If you’re craving more ‘Jester has the kink and messes with her friends’ there’s another fic here.