The Confessions of Mr. ManWhore McSlut - A Story Type Thing
“There’s a child.” I said to Alex who came up next to me after he got us hot chocolate from a random kiosk in the mall.
“Push him over.” He joked before he took a sip.
The child was staring up at me and I stared back. I wondered where its parents were. I looked around, seeing a Mom talking to another (hotter) Mom in front of this shoe store. The child was still staring when I stopped caring about whether or not I found its family. What did it want? Jesus Christ. “Don’t tempt me.” I said and Alex laughed, patting me on the back, steering me away from this seemingly lost child.
“I wanted to. It kept staring at me and wouldn’t say anything even when I asked.” I replied, incredulous that he wouldn’t believe that I would.
Alex nearly snorted up hot chocolate and that made me feel better about his judgement. Served him right. As he opened his pretty mouth to complain, my phone buzzed in my hand and I raised my other hand to silence him. “Peter’s going up a floor.” I said, resenting the twisty-fluttery feeling I got when I thought of that annoying, skinny, rich boy with stupid (beautiful) red hair. I hated that I was excited to catch up with him after I lied that I wanted hot chocolate even though all I wanted was to take a break from watching Peter try not to over-shop.
“Don’t you want children?” Alex asked.
“Why would I bring another child into this world? Have you seen the state of the economy?” I replied.
Alex paused, staring at me with his pale blue eyes when we got on the escalator. “True… But what if your significant other wants children?”
“Then whatever, go ahead, just don’t let me take care of it because it’ll die.” I chuckled, though it would most likely happen.
“That is, if you reach that point in life where you actually have the ability to commit to one person for the rest of your life.” Alex smirked.
“It might happen.” I shrugged. Or it might not. I wasn’t psychic.
I didn’t feel. Or, rather, I didn’t think feeling for another human that strong a way would amount to anything but more effort and pain. And I didn’t like effort. I liked some pain – I was into a couple of weird things.
This came to me when I was in a long-term relationship in my sophomore year of high school and I was bored. She was a great girl. The sex was awesome. She got that I wasn’t the romantic type. But after the third-ish-fourth month, I was bored with her face. I was bored with her kisses, her voice, her laugh, her moans because it had come to a point where I could predict when she would kiss me, how she would speak, when she’d laugh, and how loud she would moan to the dot. Like a puppeteer, I knew what every single string did. Being in a relationship wasn’t exciting anymore. There wasn’t any spontaneity because of that.
It all came tumbling into an epiphany when I found myself flirting with another in a party we were at. During the same party, I jumped at the opportunity for spin the bottle and got a little too into it with a boy. Suffice to say, we didn’t speak for a week. Though I felt bad and though she wanted to continue being together, I had to break up with her because I was many things – a short fuse, an asshole, better than everyone else – but I was no cheater. She also tried to make me promise not to do it again which I knew wouldn’t work out in the end when I knew I wanted to do it again. I believed that threesomes would fix that but not many people were into it on a regular basis.
Also, I hated someone controlling me.
That was when this whole “ManWhore McSlut” thing – as my best friend Nate would call it – started. I made it clear that I wasn’t looking for anything. I didn’t want to commit to someone when I knew I was incapable of forming a bond strong enough not to want anyone else. If a person got attached, that was on them, not me. People were so engrossed with the idea of finding a companion – love, whatever – in high school that they didn’t see the big ass picture. We were teenagers who had our whole lives in front of us and they want to get tied down at fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, eighteen? No thank you. I planned on using my hundred eighty pounds of sexy, blond, and beautiful to live. There were too many hot people to kiss and fuck, why should I bother myself with emotions this early?
I got that I could die but I had all the love I wanted.
But then Peter Harris came to my life via Nate dragging him out of a food fight. Then via being paired up in Chemistry. I didn’t know if it was because he was an attractive person all around or because he was straight and oh-so unattainable but I think I was in love with him.
That made me want to throw this scalding paper cup of hot chocolate in my face. How cliché could I get? Fall in love with my straight best friend? Why couldn’t I just fall in love with Nate? At least he was gay. (He was the annoying, idiot brother I wasn’t related to, I couldn’t begin to describe how incest-y that would be.)
I hated clichés.
Do you see him?? Nessie asked on the group text we set up. The short second it took me to find a head of red curls and a festive wool cardigan made my face flare with heat. This was getting out of hand. I was an embarrassment to myself.
“Over there. In Fossil.” Alex announced while I pretended to look for him and thought up a good excuse for my reddened face.
He’s in Fossil. Beside the Nike store. I replied then turned around, staring at the reflection of the store on my phone. I leaned against the railing that overlooked the bottom floor of the mall, waiting for Peter to go out or buy the whole store which he was known to do from time to time when in possession of his credit cards and without adult supervision. This would’ve been easier if he didn’t insist that he could do this on his own without overstepping the probation we put on his shopping.
If staring at him wouldn’t expose us, I would’ve stared. Despite the – ugh – feelings, Peter was gorgeous. He was a freaking sculpture of marble with freckles. When he smiled, I heard angels. If he stood under the right light, his hair was fire and his eyes were almost gold. I’d nearly kissed him once and we weren’t drunk or high at all. Well, we were smoking a cigarette each but that didn’t do a lot. It was sunset. We were on his roof. And damn, damn, he was so beautiful and being near him made me feel warm in the space where my heart was supposed to be.
The best thing about him for me was he was down-to-earth despite his café franchise millions. It was refreshing.
And he was so nice, I couldn’t handle it. Even when I was the biggest piece of shit in the world, pushing him away as a response to these weird, mushy feelings, he tried asking me if he'd done anything wrong. Who did that?! Normal people would run away in terror and anger! Instead he sat me down and offered me a cigarette then we talked.
Me, Tyler Simpson, talking about feelings. I resented him for it. Then again, it also made me see how much he valued our friendship though we’d only known each other a couple of months at that point. This was the beginning of my shame, the beginning of those fuzzy emotions that latched itself all over my skin, making them tingle whenever Peter was around.
Could I get therapy for that?
Sometimes, to compensate and to remind myself that I could save myself from the deep end, I think about all the naughty, sordid things I would do to him if I was given the chance. Peter was pure beauty, yes, but he was also a sexual being. It was the neat and proper people that were freaks in bed, I would know. Peter having sex was a mystery to me, except for that one time we walked in on him eating a girl out – which was, by the way, seared into my brain. That bastard. He was never open for exact details even as I desperately, but subtly, asked him for some. He’d flounder and stammer and turn the color of his hair, it was cute but exasperating. All I knew was that he was aggressive from that other time I was passed out drunk in his closet and woke up to the sounds of loud sex. With that vague concept of how he was on repeat in my head since the discovery, every time he got aggressive while he shopped or when he attacked us in a fit of shopping withdrawal when we took away his credit cards, I got so very turned on.
Thinking of what it would be like to have sex with Peter Harris made me feel more like myself.
I raised my phone and watched him move around the store, swinging the Burberry bag that had what we all guessed was Nessie’s Christmas gift. He paused in front of a display of watches, leaning over and holding some curls out of the way. He was a lot calmer now which served to ease the tension I felt inside though I did miss his moods. Kinda. I shouldn’t.
We – me, Alex, Nate, Derek, Nessie, and Sam – followed Peter around the mall. It was pretty tame the first half hour with Peter buying the three gifts. It was tiring how he went from one store to another just to go back to the one he went to ten minutes ago and bought a present. We’d pieced together that the coat was Nessie’s but the Swiss Army watch was a toss-up between me and Nate. Now, Peter was going through a bunch of shoe stores. I wouldn’t mind getting the watch or the pair of shoes he was apparently going to get, they were sweet gifts.
This made me realize that I hadn’t gotten Peter anything and I cursed myself for even wanting to get him something just as amazing as a Swiss Army watch or a pair of boots.
Was that scarf he had a hard-on for still for sale? Which store was it again?
Fuck. I needed a good fuck.
To answer my prayers, Christine Chan and Lana Reyes were walking in our direction while Alex and I stood two stores down waiting for Peter to move on to another shoe store (hell, was he looking for a perfect pair? They literally got dirty the moment we used them! What was the point?). They stopped talking to give me a once over. Their smirks seemed to compete with one another and in my head all I could think was “there’s plenty of me to go around, don’t fight…Actually, please do…In the sexy way”.
“Hey, Christine, Lana.” I looked straight into their eyes when I said their names. Lana giggled first. Christine gave Lana a side-glance, as if my saying her name before Lana’s meant that she won. Either or both would be great way for me to calm me down. And the fact that, given the chance, Peter would bang them too. Because he was straight.
Straight.
Sure, we made out sometimes but that didn’t count since we were drunk, high, or dared to do it…while drunk, high, or cross-faded. He’d always have this (cute) apologetic smile on his face like he wanted enjoyed it but that he was still undeniably straight. Then I’d drink something or smoke.
Emotions were dumb. They made you feel dumb then made you do bad things to your body. It was exhausting, why would anyone want this?
“Hey boys.” Lana purred. Alex bowed his head, muttering something about looking for a gift for Derek then walked into a random store.
“Doing some last minute Christmas shopping?” I said, nodding to the bags. “Or stress shopping before finals?”
“A little bit of both, really.” Christine answered, tossing her black hair over her shoulder.
“Mostly stress shopping.” Lana said and she bent like she was being weighed down by the bag she was carrying. “Finals are killing me.” She whined.
“That’s too bad.” I said then smirked. Her brown eyes widened a little and I could see her teeth catching her bottom lip. “I could think of a less expensive way to release stress.”
Christine scoffed. “Don’t be lewd,” she said as she hit me with her shopping bag, “we’re in the middle of a mall.”
“Prefer to go somewhere private, Chris?” I retorted with a quick wiggle of my eyebrow.
She laughed. “Well… I wouldn’t mind!”
“Who’s being lewd now? Christ.” Lana rolled her eyes. God, the way she clenched her jaw and crossed her arms, switching her weight from one leg to another turned me on a little. Her boobs were pushed up and if this was on purpose, it was working. I could remember how soft they were. When was the last time Lana and I had sex? Two weeks ago, I think. That was some good sex. The thing she did with her hips when she rode me – fuck. That’d be enough for me to bow down and worship.
But, Christine had her strong points too, and Lana seemed miffed that I seemed to prefer her skinnier Asian friend over her. “Okay, like you’re so much better.” Christine sneered, turning from her friend.
“Ladies, don’t fight.” I said, raising my hands in surrender and trying very hard not to smile too much like I was enjoying it...which I was. “You know my ways and you know I like both of you. A lot. Couple of my favorites.” They blushed. I didn’t throw favorites around lightly. That was the closest thing to a relationship they’d get from me. “Besides, there’s plenty of me to go around.”
Christine ran her tongue over her glossy lips and the two girls shared a glance. Sometimes I had to remind people I wasn’t a prize that wanted to be won. “We’re still not having that threesome, sorry.” Lana said with a sheepish smile. She wrapped her arm around Christine’s as an apology.
“No worries.” I said, waving it off. “So do either of you want to go out soon?”
Christine nudged Lana and she kept herself from looking too happy. “Depends. Where are we going?”
“I dunno. Have you tried Love, Pasta yet? Nate says it’s great.” I said.
“No. Do you think they’ll have salads? I’m trying to watch my weight.” Lana’s smiled faltered as she looked down her curvy body.
“Shut up, you look great.” Christine said.
“I agree.” I said, stepping closer and putting my hands on her hips. The spark in her smile came back and she eased into my touch. “You’re insanely sexy. Told you this before.”
“Yeah, yeah.” She said, kissing my cheek. “Tomorrow?”
“Aw, can’t you put off whatever it is you’re studying for tonight?” I whined playfully. “I’ll even tutor you if you don’t make me wait.”
Lana laughed and said something in Spanish that I thought translated to “this boy is annoying” Christine, who was better at the language as I was, snorted as Lana said it. I felt like I should be able to understand since I’d known Nessie and her mom, Anita, for at least four years but learning another language was tough on my brain. “No. I think you can wait til tomorrow. You’re a big boy.” She patted my cheek.
“I know.” I said as she stepped out of my hands. She winked over her shoulder then walked away with her hips swinging. I drew a deep breath. Her ass looked amazing in those jeans. Tomorrow couldn’t come sooner.
“Call me.” Christine whispered into my ear, making me twinge down-under, and kissed my cheek.
“Sure, babe.” I murmured then blew her a kiss as she walked backwards. She grinned then skipped to Lana’s side. I watched as the two of them walked away, laughing at something. Probably how I would never get that threesome with the two of them. Not that it mattered. I could get threesomes with other people easy.
“Tell me, how many favorites do you have?” Alex asked when the coast was clear and he had an actual bag from the store.
I waggled my head from side to side. “Around six – three boys and three girls. I change it from time to time.” I grinned. “And I’m getting it on with two of my favorites.” Then I realized that, since I was on a roll, I should call Reina too.
When I held my phone up, it buzzed with a new text from Nate. Recovering Shopaholic on the move down. He’s nearing the finish line!! :D
“Oh thank god.” I moaned. I couldn’t wait for him to get back to that bookstore without spending ten thousand dollars on clothes. “Peter’s going down.”
In the middle of our escalator ride, I received another text from Nessie. He walked into that new jewellery store SILVER SPARKS!! DO YOU THINK THIS MEANS WHAT I THINK IT MEANS???!?!
Ah, fuck. That would only mean one thing. “Cassidy.” I scowled.
“What?” Alex asked.
“Peter’s getting something for Cassie this Christmas.” I said as I typed What. An. Idiot. and sent it to Nessie and Nate.
Nate and I think it’s cute, Derek replied using Nate’s phone, and very misguided.
Cassie Beauregard. Goddamn it. I didn’t know what was more upsetting – that Peter was one of my female counterpart’s favorites, that I still haven’t gotten her to say yes to what would be the sexiest coupling in the whole of mankind or that Cassie was having sex with the one person that I think I was in love with. The image of them having sex plagued me since Halloween when they first started. On top of being upset about it, I was turned on to the nth level. I’d sell my soul to be in the middle of all that!
I groaned. Lana just had to push for tomorrow. All this pent up libido was stressing me out and needed to go somewhere. The hand was a last resort! I already broke my vibrator! Maybe I could tempt Adam (one of my top three male favorites) for one more night together – we’d decided to stop having sex for a while since he was getting all these feelings for me that I couldn’t handle taking care of, which was okay, in the end.
Alex patted my back. “Maybe he’ll come to his senses…” He said but sounded unsure. Then he backpedalled, “You of all people know how it is. Sometimes your…conquests want a little bit more. You and Cassie aren’t all that different from what I heard.”
A frustrated noise appeared behind my lips. “Yes, that’s what makes it worse! We’re friends! Peter should be completely aware how bad an idea this is!” The idiot was walking around a glass case, peering and pointing at something with a dumb grin on his face. The person behind the counter took out a selection of silver necklaces for Peter to choose from. “Jesus ever-loving Christ, I can’t look at this!”
Peter’s idiocy was beyond me! Were the lack of sprees getting to his head? Was he malfunctioning in a very horrible way? Did he really think Cassie would fall for a dinky silver necklace? I didn’t care how pretty or expensive it was! I knew Cassie, to an extent, and if I was anything to go by, she was heartless, and insatiable, and she would not accept that necklace as a sign for them to move forward in the relationship! I wanted to wring that skinny neck of his and drive some sense through those dense curls of his.
When Peter emerged from the store, happily looking at the box the necklace was in, Nessie and her boyfriend Sam walked up to us, hand in hand. Nate and Derek were nowhere to be found – must’ve gotten distracted by something they wanted to buy each other. Or each other’s eyes. Again. Blech.
Nessie was bubbling with excitement after she put her phone down to text Nate and Derek about Peter’s position. “My tiny heart can’t wait to see the look on Cassie’s face when Peter gives it to her!”
Sam wrapped an arm around his tiny girlfriend and kissed her cheek. “You’re getting way too excited to see your best friend fail.”
“That’s the foundation of any good friendship, Sammy.” She giggled, twirling her wavy black hair deviously. “Now, let’s go. He’s been in and out of stores, he’ll break and I wanna bust him.”
“Wait, wait, wait.” I held a hand up to keep her from walking. “Is that a bet I hear?” I asked, walking in front of her.
“Do you really think Peter’s going to go through all of those stores with all of those sale signs hanging around without so much as a twitch?” She said expressively with hand gestures.
“Ten bucks says he’ll break in five minutes.” I said, thrusting a hand out for her to shake.
“Ten minutes.” She shook my hand. “Samuel, start the timer.”
Peter seemed to carry himself well the first three minutes or so. I had put more faith on his need for the smell of new coats and scarves than his ability to control himself. Nessie was teasing me as my time neared its end. I griped and grumbled through it, telling her to shut her big mouth but, to be honest, I was weirdly proud that he was passing all these sales by without hesitation.
Until he passed by a Tommy Hilfiger sale. If I wasn’t staring at him (not just his ass but for surveillance purposes), I would’ve missed the way he seemed to breeze by the store then took five steps forward before turning around with a constipated look on his face.
“Time!” Sam pressed something on his phone. “Four minutes on the dot!”
I barked out a laugh. “Suck it, Scott!”
Nessie took out a couple of five dollar bills and held it out. Before I could take my winnings, a frustrated noise close to a roar came from her and jerked her arm back to her side. “It’s not over yet! He’s probably just looking at some things! Start the timer again!” She dragged me towards the doors. Across the store, Nate and Derek were watching Peter disappear into the clothes. When Nessie and I peeked in, Peter was walking around followed by a guy already buried in coats and a couple of bags. He had that wide eyed, crazy look on his face. His hands were grabbing anything he could reach. He was keeping himself from smiling too much.
He was so cute.
Shut up. Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!
“Face it, darling, I won.” I patted Nessie’s shoulder, wrestled my ten dollars out of her hand, and she huffed. The two of us walked in, the others not far behind.
We caught up with him on a far corner, looking at ties. He turned around and saw us. He began to turn redder than his hair, eyes darting to the incriminating pile of clothes to his right and probably debating on whether or not pushing the attendant away would make us believe that those clothes weren’t his.
“What I’d like to know,” Nate said with a wide grin that flashed his braces, “is how you planned on hiding that pile from us when you drove us home.”
Peter was stammering for an answer. The way his mouth opened and closed with dying responses reminded me of a ventriloquist doll without a person speaking for it. Then he slumped, sighing, and left the store with his head down.
“We’re very sorry for the inconvenience. Our friend is on the mend from a very serious shopping addiction.” I told the surprisingly sexy attendant with a wink. He raised his thick eyebrows in response. “I’m Tyler. If you have any questions, feel free to call me –” Nessie and Nate groaned, leaving me.
The attendant raised his eyebrows higher. “Oh, I’m –”
“Straight? Yeah, I got that after you hesitated.” I shrugged then walked away.
We ended up at the mall’s Sacré Brew, the Harrises' café franchise, where Nate, Derek, and Sam’s book club had taken over one corner for their bookish discussions. Peter sat on another couch and burrowed himself into the cushions in shame or in irritation. The others sat around him, trying to get him to cheer up while I found myself lining up for a raspberry tart – Peter’s favorite. I could hear Nate pretending to be surprised when Peter gave him his gift in advance. Peter was whining about the clothes and how weak he was. When I turned my head, Peter still had this deep frown as he stared wistfully at the stores in front of his café.
I had an idea for a pick-me-up that didn’t involve Cassie but I didn’t think Peter would go for it sober. I didn’t think he’d go for it otherwise either. This made me look down at the raspberry tart in my hand, stupidly upset.
With a resigned sigh, I walked to our table and put the plate in front of him. I could see how sad he was that we caught him and that he had fallen off the wagon. It made me feel sad too. I was disgusted with myself. “Here, eat your feelings like everyone else.”
“Thanks.” He murmured, taking the fork and tossing the Swiss Army watch box at me. “Merry Christmas.” He offered a small smile, making sure that there weren’t any hard feelings. There was that warmth in my supposedly empty chest again and I swallowed it down. Adam was in a seat on the corner. We caught each other’s eyes and he gave me a smile before looking away, brushing his blond and pink hair self-consciously. He was going to say yes if I asked but I didn’t want to use his feelings for a meaningless distraction.
That barista was new though, maybe I could woo her away for tonight.
“There, there, Pete.” Nate said with a pat on his hand. “The important thing is, you went that whole hour or so without going overboard!”
“Yeah,” Peter sighed. “Whatever.”