Chapter 4: Had he? (Sambandham: War of Hearts)
Prologue
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
It has been a while since I posted this book, so please do check them out in case you want a refresher, or if you are new to my writing.
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Arun was nervous, so to say.
He could feel his entire life changing suddenly, and he would be stupid to not at least partly attribute that to Kshithija's return. Or mostly to her return. Why was he so panicky, though? He knew he had hurt her, and that guilt had now manifested heavily in his life. He had also not expected the revelations about his family to ever happen, and yet, that had shaken him heavily.
His thoughts made no sense to him, but it was what was called stream of consciousness. At least, he thought so.
His latest therapy session had told him more than he was comfortable with, but maybe driving around with music would help him gather his thoughts. They had addressed his anger issues. His anger, much like that of the men in his family specifically, was often like a raging inferno. Arun had, unfortunately, also inherited the sometimes impulsive temper of his Amma, and in combination, he often made hasty decisions, which resulted, often enough, in disastrous consequences.
At least, in his point of view.
He did consider himself blessed that despite his harsh temper, he also could usually douse the forest fire he had himself started, which was saying a lot. However, he had been in the guilt complex for hurting Kshithija for years. He had not had the guts to contact her, despite wanting to ask for her forgiveness.
He felt he needed it, and without that, the friendship he wished to reawaken between them would be awkward and stilted, in a way that they had never been before. And he did not wish for that.
Ever.
At all.
Arun let out a sigh, closing his eyes. This restlessness that had filled him since the news that Thija was returning, only multiplied in its intensity. He often wondered why she dominated his thoughts recently, but it was something that seemed beyond comprehension at that point. All he knew was that he had to make up to her, somehow, and plead on his knees to renew their easy yet deep friendship. Arun missed Kshithija deeply, and the chemistry they shared.
Platonically, that is.
Though, given some recent revelations, Arun wondered if it was only platonic. The way he felt about her, and the way she herself had been with him. Nothing about them had screamed platonic to anyone, including his and her families, and they knew the two of them the best. Even Iramathi had said that, and she knew him and Thija the best.
Or did she?
His reflexive smile turned into a frown as he recalled the recent arguments he had with his elder sister. While usually every word she said would make entire sense to him, and it was everything to him, in fact, he had started arguments recently. It felt like she had forgotten who Thija was sometimes, and it hurt him viscerally somehow.
But why did it? Why did Thija matter as if.. as if she were a part of him?
Even though his heart knew the answer to these questions, he still needed to process it, accept it, and see that it is the truth. The truth of his life had always been this way... then how had he monumentally messed up everything with Kshithija?
He still had to reflect a lot, but he had an answer off the top of his head. It was no justification for the hurt he caused her, but it was a reason. Arun had been scared, and entirely in denial. He had messed up and doubted her because he had been in denial that she meant the world to him. And if she had done what the rumours had said, he would have been shattered. In a bid to protect himself, he had doubted her, and that destroyed him from within.
It had been for years, rather. He was learning to untangle the complex web of emotions weaved across the rumours that Kshithija wanted to boss over his company, and at the base of it was fear of his heart shattering. That had led to so much mess. He could have simply talked it out with her, but instead, he had fought.
The idiot that he was.
"Arun?"
The gentle tones of Iramathi filled the dense silence of his room. He turned around to give a wan smile to his elder sister, who was already dressed to the nines, looking beautiful in her elegant aqua coloured dress.
"Akka?"
"I am sorry," Iramathi said, huffing quietly when Arun looked at her with wide and surprised eyes.
"For what, Akka?" he asked gently, hugging her. "Why are you sorry?"
"For not understanding yours or Thija's pain when you both needed me the most. I failed in being a good sibling and a good friend, but not any longer," Iramathi said quietly. "I will apologize to Thija as soon as I am able."
"But you did not doubt her at all, Akka," he said, confused.
"I did not do anything to dispel your doubts either, which is why she moved away from us," Iramathi said firmly. "I am as much at fault, Arun."
"Akka..." he hesitated for a moment before powering through. "Why did you of all people not reach out to her?"
"Because I chose you over her," Iramathi's firm reply made him hurt worse. They chose him first, and so Thija had been sidelined. Oh Shiva, what had he done? What had he done?
"No Arun, Kanna, it isn't your fault. Thija herself knew we would... it's just, obviously our ways hurt her, which I cannot fault her for. We can only repent, and only try to get her forgiveness."
Arun nodded. Iramathi made sense, her practical, logical tone calming him down. Yet, he wondered about forgiveness.
Thija would have already forgiven them, but would she ever let them close again?
Had he lost his chance with her?
Those were his thoughts, as he was led by Iramathi to get ready for the first ball of the social season. Had he lost his chance with Thija?
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I will not speak of an update soon, cause every time I do, I end up running into writing issues. I am just glad this story is back in my creative flow.
Here's to hoping for more.
@ahamasmiyodhah @nspwriteups @whippersnappersbookworm @ragkee @chemicalmindedlotus @dr-scribbler @willkatfanfromasia @balladedutempsjadis @freeunknownwasteland @ramcharanobsessed @gemmusings @vijayasena @thirst4light @hollogramhallucination @chiyaanvikram @moon-880 @sakhiiii @thereader-radhika @ambidextrousarcher @celestesinsight @yehsahihai @thegleamingmoon @dumdaradumdaradum @rang-lo @ragkee @vijayasena @chaliyaaa @nidhi-writes @yehsahihai @hum-suffer @zeherili-ankhein @mahi-wayy @mahaswrites @leoprincess21 Please let me know your thoughts! What do you want to see in this story?
