you thought itd forget kamek? no. i like him more than all these mfs combined.
i love you kamek
he used to be a CATCH back in the day. the trade of the darklands. also fat. also blasian. dont fuck with me i dont make the rules i tell you the TRUTH. nintendo put him on ozempic for the mario movies and i am NOT happy about it. give my boy his buccal fat back. there is very little photo evidence of this period however because despite having been the cuntmaxxer 9000 he is a very elusive man. never see this bitch until you dare talk shit about him. then he's always Right There. kamek might be bald as fuck now but trust he used to have the fiercest cuntiest afro. he. misses it. bald fuck.
affinity for dorky little bow ties and stupid red loafers. soup why have you mentioned his stupid red loafers so many times BECAUSE I AM VERY FIRM ON IT. i need you to know kamek owns two pairs of shoes and they are both dorky red loafers. gotta keep a spare on hand. mario party kamek is so cutie patootie you know he was so happy to put on that little bowtie. so happy to look a damn fool. also has an affinity for saying the word fool. i have an affinity for saying the word egregious. top 15 favourite words. kameks bow tie collection is expansive. he has a whole drawer dedicated to the fuckers. always in the most clown ass gay man patterns possible. its never just black. or blue. no. fuschia with lime polka dots. ok girl whatever.
despite this, BACK IN THE DAY he was a DIVA. this is different from being a catch. he served cunt and puss and whilst he still does now its mitigated by the fact hes old and lame as fuck. he would rock a six inch heel down the neo bowser city strip by night and take fierce notes on art history by day. small town boy big city CUNTRESS. used to do dragggg. hes so rupaul to me. incredibly rupaul. literally the same guy. he doesn't anymore but he still reads like one. rip a bitch to shreds with just a Look.
hoe. at least 3 castle situationships. girl you're 80-800 you cant be having situationships at your massive age. thats just wrong. hes fucked every castle employee over the age of 55. which is a shockingly large pool of people. most folks work there for life. he does not let on to anybody about these situationships because then it'd become obvious hes a big fat hypocrite for telling ludwig not to get involved with castillo. bro in the same situation with the castle physician, the head gardener, and the executive chef. pick a boyfriend you whore.
yall sleeping on the toxic yaoi potential of kamek x toadsworth. yes toadsworth is alive in the soupiverse. i said so. rip my boy you will be missed in canon. theyve been at each others throats in multiple ways since the 80s. shit gets heated in the treaty meetings. theyre so mean to each other. so condescending. so old. old man toxic yaoi. i love them. ill talk more about them in their own post i dont gaf none of you will read it.
he and kammy have a. rocky relationship. very rocky. i cant decide if they're twins or not but regardless theyre very close in age. shes always been more relaxed and casual and a bit. nuts. a lil kooky. the magikoopas get a little quirky at night. hes always been more straight laced. presented himself as more straight laced. he keeps his fun life well away from his professional life. she calls him lameeeeee. and it grates on him. theyve been sort of. pitted against each other. their whole lives. their rivalry is always simmering with underlying tension. theyve sabotaged each other Many times. it always simmers. bubbles over. and they start all over again. can i talk more about them. would you like that. You.
half blind but Impeccable hearing. he can hear you talking shit. he can hear me typing shit. kameks eyeballs have always been dogshit. he's completely blind in one eye from a past injury. kammys fault. cough. and the other eye has advanced myopia. fucker cant see. but he has genuinely perfect hearing. perfect hearing, perfect pitch, this asshole can hear a pin drop in the mushroom kingdom. i hate him. cant say shit about this guy because he Will find out.
avid violinist. hes better than ludwig. do Not tell ludwig. fucker would have an aneurysm. he picked it up as a pretentious little mario oxford fine arts or whatever gay ass degree i said he did student and hes kept it up since. i cant really explain myself tbf this is just vibes you just gotta accept this. im speedrunning this post before midnight.
do yall have pantomimes outside of the uk? kameks a huge fan. he makes himself out as so straight laced but he does enjoy a campy musical number. he likes going to pantomimes and musicals, its fun for him. the stupider and campier the BETTER. he does enjoy all sorts of musicals. but his taste favours the camp. big cabaret fan. liza minnelli superfan.
the QUEEN of overtly long convoluted soap operas. loves those fucking things. hes so grandma core. rip kamek you wouldve loved coronation street. hes been watching soap operas since he was there for the invention of tvs. this man old as fuck. how old? dont know dont ask it'll ruin my continuity. hed watch them with his mother growing up and given hes a drama loving diva he Locked In. he knows all the lore.
anyway. happy kamek day. the og cuntress. bye.
