Alone Together
I don’t know where you’re going, but do you got room for one more troubled soul?
Both boys dropped onto the bed with heavy breaths, sweat dripping down their bare chests. Blankets thrown over their legs, they look over at each other before laughing softly through gasps.
Reaching over to move Samuel’s damp bangs from his forehead, Harry looked softly into his eyes, giving him a gentle smile. It had become almost a nightly routine at this point. They would have sex without anyone knowing and then fall asleep, Harry leaving at some point in the early morning as to not get caught. No words were shared. They would lie in silence on their respective sides of the bed before drifting to sleep, not to be talked about again.
But this time was different. As his breathing came back to normal, his heart beat slowing, Sami stared at ceiling. It had been almost a month of their continuous nightly rendezvous at the Chang house, and they never once discussed how they felt or why they were doing what they did.
It confused Sami. By day, he was Harold Hudson’s - popular, football-star, gorgeous, perfect, Harold Hudson’s - best friend; but at night, they were more than that. There was no title to give. They weren’t lovers. They weren’t fuck buddies. Maybe they were friends with benefits, but it still didn’t seem to be the correct term.
It had begun to drive Sami insane. He knew what they had been doing wasn’t supposed to mean anything. And yet his heart beat against his ribs almost in spite of him. Why, of all people, did Harry have to be the one that he had in his bed? And why did he have to be the one that sent shivers down his spin and static through his knees? It was if the universe wanted to play a practical joke on someone, and Sami was the easiest to reach.
But no more. If this was what was destined for him, he at least wanted answers. As he look at Harry lying on his side, he cleared his throat. “Harry,” he whispered.
Lifting his head slightly, Harry averted his eyes over his shoulder. “Hm?” he grunted lowly.
Looking at the ceiling, Sami murmured, “What is this?”
With a sigh, Harry moved on his other side, looking at his friend. “What is what?”
“This. Us.” When he raised his eyebrow at Sami, he sighed. “Are we friends, are we more? Just - what are we?”
Harry said nothing; he didn’t really need to. His silence spoke plenty. He had a girlfriend, and Sami did too, to an extent. They couldn’t be more than friends, right? How could Sami replace Brooke Lopez-Pierce in Harry’s heart? That was a spot locked in for eternity.
Without an answer, Sami closed his eyes. “Forget I said anything. It was stupid.” Tugging the blanket higher up on his torso, he squeezed his eyes shut. Morning wouldn’t come quick enough. Surely he would lie stiffly, waiting to feel the bed bounce back as Harry got up to dress and part for the day. He thought he would have been used to the pain by now. The loneliness, the emptiness he felt every time he left his house. It shouldn’t surprise him anymore, but perhaps he simply had too much hope left in him to believe that he was utterly alone in the world.
He felt Harry move closer to him, breath against the back of his neck. “Where did this come from?” he asked.
“I don’t know,” Sami said, and it was so truly honest that it hurt. “Things have been...different lately. After we’ve started doing this, things have gotten weird. Not a bad weird, just...weird. I know that this isn’t a permanent thing. But...” He took a second to take in a shaky breath. “But if you don’t stay, then who will?”
It wasn’t until then that he realized that tears had pooled in his eyes. It hurt. God did it hurt. But until then, he hadn’t allowed it to. Emotions out on the table, he felt everything he had repressed explode in his stomach. Guilt, pain, dread. All of it stung his insides in such a hot burn that he wasn’t sure he could take it.
He couldn’t see how Harry had reacted through his tears, but surely it wasn’t good. “Someone will,” Harry said.
Sami scoffed. “You’re a horrible liar,” he spat, wiping his eyes on the back of his hand. “I’m going to be alone. I’m going to be alone, and no one is going to love me. This?” He motioned between himself and Harry, hands wavering with each move he made. “This is all I’m going to have. Lolita is the closest thing to a love life I’m ever going to get. You all are going to go off and get married and go to big, exciting places. Me? I’m going to be stuck here in this god forsaken, poor ass town for the rest of my life-”
Chapped lips cut him off before he could self deprecate any further. Hands held tightly to the back of his neck, Harry had his mouth firmly on his. Never in their entire time of fooling around had this happened. There had been kisses, sure; but they had been fast and needy. Never like this. This was tender and promising. As if he wanted Sami to feel him.
As Harry pulled back, he smiled at him, eyes half lidded. “You are the biggest idiot I’ve ever met,” he said and wow, what a way to kill the mood. “You’re not going to end up alone. Someone is going to stay. Someone who deserves you, someone who can give you everything you’re supposed to have. That isn’t me, Sami.” Before he could roll away in distaste, Harry hooked his arm around his shoulders, tugging him closer to him. “Because you deserve more than me. You are so much better than I will ever be. You’re kind and talented and just so,” Harry allowed his hands to cup his cheeks, thumbs stroking the soft skin beneath them, “so fucking beautiful that it hurts. You’re going to do such amazing things with so many awesome people. But I’m just not one of them. Because you’re too good for me. It isn’t the other way around.”
“Harry,” Sami breathed, face flushing a soft pink. This wasn’t how he acted around Sami. This was what he saved for Brooke or even Demi from time to time. This was something that he wasn’t worth.
“But even if that’s true, don’t you ever - ever - think that I don’t care about you. You’re my best friend in the entire world. I want to see you happy. And I love you.” Resting his forehead against Sami’s, he murmured, “More than Amy, more than your sister, more than Brooke. You’re my best friend in the entire world, Samuel Chang. Don’t you forget that.”
It was silent for a few moments as Sami processed everything that had been said. Harry wasn’t known for his words; talking had never been his strong suit. But this was poetry on a different level. It evoked fireworks in his heart, and damn it, it felt so good.
“You’re very sappy,” he settled on, laughing as Harry smacked at him. “I’d never take you for it.”
“Shut up!” Harry flustered. “I was helping!”
“Yeah, yeah, ‘course you were,” Sami grinned, dropping himself on to Harry’s chest. “And I appreciate it. Really.” He looked up at Harry through his eyelashes, completely sincere. “I do.”
“Good,” Harry said, fingers threading through Sami’s hair. “Don’t forget, okay?”
Sami sighed, closing his eyes as he felt Harry’s heart thump against his ear. “Don’t worry,” he said, hand stroking his bicep. “I don’t think I can.”