//rant
almost 5am and i cant sleep, but this has been on my mind for so long that i feel like i need to write it out. scrolling through posts on social media, we may see the occasional one that goes, "we all say we're there for those with mental illness until they start showing signs of it" and it's something i never realized how true it was until i started seeing it within myself and my friends.
mental illness has always been a part of my family, and i know it has not been the same for many people. maybe this is why im more tolerable and understanding of how people get(?). i don't know.
brief summary of my cousin: my cousin is almost a 40 year old man diagnosed with bipolar disorder and depression. when he's up, he's up and when he's down, he's down. but the days in between are hard to describe, because he may be the happiest person ever and feel invincible and want to do anything and everything, or slip up and say something he wasn't supposed to, say something without thinking, or completely blow up on someone without realizing. im sure myself and everyone in my family has dealt with it at least once, but we're all okay with it and let him be, because we know this is something that is going to pass. but you can't call someone crazy for that!! you can't sit down and be sympathetic of him when he has tried to kill himself multiple times, but call him crazy for when he yells in your face. YOU CANT PICK AND CHOOSE WHEN TO ACKNOWLEDGE MENTAL ILLNESS.
but all i know is some of my best friends out there have struggled and been through so much and are some of the strongest people ive ever met in my entire life, and every single day i am proud of them. unless you have walked in their shoes, don't tell them why they way they act is irrational. we all have a reason to why we act a certain way, and you can't get upset for how some people are. you didn't raise them.
is it normal to feel upset and angry and sad when misunderstandings occur? of course! no one is invalidating your feelings, but if you voice out your opinion to who you're having the problem with, it can help resolve the problem. unless if they're really blowing up, let them blow off their steam first before doing anything so you don't fight fire with fire. i guess the point of this rant is to be more understanding of others and not to judge so quickly.
it's so hard when friends tell me "i can't be around crazy" or someone's acting "crazy" because of a little fight that we will get over. and then they get mad at me for dealing with it. well guess what, i AM dealing with it. and everyone deals with things differently. if someone wants to blow up on me when they're mad, fine! who am i to tell them what to be mad at?! if my friend wants to cry because she didn't get a pair of shoes she wanted, CRY GIRL CRY.
don't disregard anyone's feelings and actions because you don't act that way!!
i feel like no one understands why im so passionate about this, because as everyone insults those with mental illness and calls their actions "crazy" im in my room, throwing things around, screaming and crying on the floor wondering why my life turned out to be this way sometimes. what about the days when my lows are so low that i isolate myself from everyone and feel like everyone hates me and talks about me behind their back? i know that's not normal, but is someone going to remind me of how "crazy" it is? i act like a bitch when im not supposed to. i get way too jealous easily. i can't voice out how im really feeling or i have to suppress HOW im feeling so i don't get called "crazy" by some people i can call my best friends. i wouldn't want anyone to feel afraid to be my friend because of "how i get", that's fake to me. be my friend because you want to be my friend.
if they saw how i was behind closed doors, would they call me crazy like how they have to some people in my life? would they feel sympathetic or empathetic?
end rant.
