CONVERSATIONS only I used to hear back in 3rd grade.
HAIRY GUY FROM SANSANI: When do you guys want to kill him?
MURDERER FROM THE NINE O’CLOCK NEWS: How about right now?
DEAD UNCLE WHOM WE BURIED LAST MONTH: I say we do it when he gets up to pee. You know, when he’s walking down the hallway, in the dark.
HAIRY GUY FROM SANSANI: What if he doesn’t get up?
MURDERER: He’ll get up. Look at how he’s squirming. It’s only a matter of time.
DEAD UNCLE: Man, I cannot wait to kill this kid.
HAIRY GUY FROM SANSANI: I’ve wanted to kill him ever since he saw my late night show.
DEAD UNCLE: Hey, do you guys remember that night-light Vishal used to have?
MURDERER: Man, that thing scared the heck out of me.
HAIRY GUY FROM SANSANI: It’s a good thing his mom got rid of it. Now there’s nothing to stop us from killing him.
(Everyone nods in agreement.)
DR. GUPTA: Hey, guys, sorry I’m late. I was busy scheduling an appointment with Vishal, to give him shots.
HAIRY GUY FROM SANSANI: No problem.
(HAIRY GUY FROM SANSANI and DR. GUPTA do their secret handshake.)
MURDERER: It’s getting kind of crowded in here. Dexter, can you move over?
DEXTER: I’m over as far as I can get.
MURDERER: I need more space than you’re giving me. I’m a lot bigger than you.
DEXTER: Are you calling me short?
DR. GUPTA: Hey, guys, relax, all right? We’re all here for the same reason: to kill and possibly eat Vishal.
MURDERER: (Sighs.) You’re right. I’m sorry.
DEXTER: Yeah…me too. I kind of lost perspective.
DR. GUPTA: It’s okay. Just remember: we’re all in this together.
DEAD UNCLE: Hey, it looks like he’s getting up! Wait a minute…where’s he going?
DEXTER: I think he’s running into his mom’s room!
DEAD UNCLE: Maybe we should follow him?
DEXTER: Yes, I love this idea.
MURDERER: Wait, I think he’s murmuring something.
DEXTER: Is he chanting Hanuman Chalisa?
DEAD UNCLE: Oh ‘that word his mom told him only adults say’.
HAIRY GUY FROM SANSANI: (Sighs.) I guess tonight’s a bust. Let’s try tomorrow, okay? Same time, same place.
