#sapphic shitposts

[the-patron-saint-of-heelys]

“Oh noooo Mark found out, we broke containment-” yeah yeah yeah he’s KNOWN, I’m sure. That’s like, his whole job. Is to be on the internet. The more important question is:

Does Andy Weir know???

[rover-bot]

“Average glasses wearer has glasses on only one ear 3-4 times in their life statistical error. Ryans Grosling, who wears glasses on one ear 10,000x a year, is a statistical outlier and should not have been countrd”

[good-sapphicrwbyaus]

Weiss: You know, I can never tell whether you’re flirting with me or insulting me.

Emerald: Well if it makes you feel any better, neither do I.

[the-patron-saint-of-heelys]

Being a Transformers fan means we get some weird tags- obviously -as many of our characters have straight up object or verb names. Which causes some confusion when combined with our smut lingo since they’re. y’know. machines.

All that to say that looking for posts of my favorite character Deadlock and immediately getting excited when I see the tag “Deadlock Valve” bc my first thought is Yes Finally someone else who appreciates the sopping wet spiny cat robot getting his pussy pounded but no. Game released by video game company Valve™️ available on Steam.

[the-patron-saint-of-heelys]

Bloody Mary shippers… I think I understand you now. I may not be One Of You yet but I Understand.

That being said can someone PLEASE tell me why Simon/Grace has an established ship tag and Eva “tests herself first for the coma-resistant gene for the mission” Stratt and Ava “if you succeed I’ll come get you myself” C.O.I don’t???

????????

ITS RIGHT THERE!!!

[the-patron-saint-of-heelys]

Love my @drill-bits sticker bc it’s now my irl version of the “help Mikey what do I do” post except I’ll lift the sticky note on my work computer after a rough interaction and look at him like “was that fucked up or what, Drift?” And he agrees.

[the-patron-saint-of-heelys]

These BloodyMary shippers are deeply unserious people because tell me why I haven’t seen a single one of you propose a So I Married An Axe Murderer AU.

[the-patron-saint-of-heelys]

Stealing my own post from Discord- as I do -but I Love the thought of Ava having a little mental breakdown after being rescued by Stratt and her faction of mission loyal scientists and crew after the Hail Mary launched because Sure, the convict gets to have a relatively cushy, peaceful rest of his life on an alien planet with his weird tree DNA leaving him alone for the most part, AND he gets an endearingly dorky human companion with whom communication issues are swiftly resolved (because said dorky human companion used to teach pubescent kids who had to unlearn shame every other day while also studying for standardized tests so he knows his shit)! Meanwhile Ava is now in a completely different resource shortage plagued world, the captain of this faction is unreasonably hot and scarier than her, and oh yeah by the way Her Blood Is Cursed, there is Something Wrong With Her Blood.

The hot faction leader and cursed blood keep coming back to haunt her and she really doesn’t know what to do about either of them until- a firm hand lands on her shoulder. She turns around to see- oh my god is that Arlecchino from Genshin Impact. It’s ok, she says. With training and dedication Ava too can learn to harness the power of Having Weird Cursed Blood while also getting to lez tf out with the woman who saved her life.