i must admit...
Lately all I have been doing is daydreaming and fantasizing about marriage. why? well for a few reasons. For one, I have been in a very happy and Jesus-centered relationship for over a year now with my teammate Michael Rogers and the longer we are together the more intriguing it is to want forever with him. In my weakest of moments I want it so badly. I want it now and for good.
Things like this tempt me: http://marriedincollege.wordpress.com/
and this:
and of course this:
Then reality sets in. We have no money, I'm still in college, and our futures are still very unsecured. Scary!! Secondly I am approaching graduation from college. Isn't this the perfect time according to American culture?! Of course it is, well, atleast that's what I've convinced myself of in my weakest moments. Thirdly, I am just so tired of the everyday. Him coming to see me at my mom's house, me commuting to hang out with him for an hour or so. It just continues to seem less and less convenient as it continues.
it all boils down to it for me, personally: I'm ready to take on life. I'm ready to take on the world with him, grow in my faith with him and take on the challenges of loving him in every way.
you know what though? I have so much growing to do in my relationship with the Lord. and I want to be financially stable. IMPORTANT THINGS!! and I want us both to be comfortable. We keep dancing around the talk of our life together and how it will be. It's fun. Dreaming IS fun, but what's most important for us right now is to focus on loving each other well day in and day out. Practicing God's love for ourselves and for each other on a daily basis. It's time to hunker down and tuck my dreams of futures away. Its my beautiful dream for now. How beautiful it will be when God's will for my life and his are fulfilled. Those will be beautiful days. Today is a beautiful day, especially since I have opportunities, God's love and my whole life ahead of me.
it's so exciting.