#dearbaby

[geekchicsimmer]

Started filming for Dear, Baby. Part 3! This is going to be my first video with Reshade! Also, I'm so proud of myself for building the football field. I'm not the greatest with CFE. :/

[geekchicsimmer]

The aftermath of the fight. Poor Jamie. :(

[dearmyblackbabies]

Always stay true to yourself.

Try your best and leave the rest to God.

[geekchicsimmer]

The girls of Dear. Baby.

[geekchicsimmer]

The boys of Dear. Baby.

[geekchicsimmer]

Just some fun photoshoots before filming episode 3.

[just-kiss-me-you-fool-hehe]

"checking off the boxes of what it means to be a grown up and move ahead in your life"

[just-kiss-me-you-fool-hehe]

dear haley and danny

how do you think about your own desirability?

this is an effect of the parasocial relationship here but i feel like in some ways you guys are so cool and hot and considered to be "desirable" in the dating market and potentially don't have a lot of thoughts about this so feel free to ignore if so. mostly referencing how some article said haley is every brooklyn girls instagram crush and how everyone in the money diaries that danny did and in other contexts always says danny is or sounds really hot

thinking about desirability feels really fraught to me because it feels so wrapped up in my concept of myself and all these messages i've received ever since i was a kid that my worth is in how i look

i have so many complicated feelings on this, a lot of clouded by the fact that i moved to the us when i was 10 and was the only indian kid and one of a few non white kids in school which was just a very tender age to leave behind a certain culture, anyways...

it's also felt especially unfair to me lately because of recent breakup from a relationship i've been in my entire adult life and i'm almost 27 that i get judged based on how i look and i really can't do anything about it. more than that tho, being newly single and on dating apps and to some extent instagram, i feel this push to be more into beauty culture and even more insecurity about how i look

my therapist says that being in a relationship, especially one with an rich attractive white man, was soothing for my anxieties and insecurities because it gave me confidence that i was desirable and worthy of love. now that i don't have that, it's been really hard for me to feel any positive way about myself and i can't help but just mope around after walking around new york and the streets of instagram comparing myself to everyone i see and come in contact with. my thoughts are usually they probably have such an easy time dating, their beauty helps them out so much, i wish i had that etc. lots of feeling like pretty privilege is a thing i don't have very explicitly and wanting it so bad

the crazy thing is i do think i'm so beautiful in my own way (thanks in large part to my ex bf who gave me a lot of validation and affirmation that i no longer get) and i think i can be really cute if i want to not just in my appearance but just the way i am i think i can be somewhat charming but this all goes into the toilet when i feel like shit about myself

how do i even extricate myself from all of this? how do i not let feeling undesirable making me feel like my life is nothing if i don't have a partner and i'm not hot and famous.

how can i say no to beauty culture when there is seemingly an endless amount of things i could be doing to increase my own "desirability" when the consequences feel so severe and so dire in having noticeably less matches and the threat that represents in being forever alone?

i'm not saying that it's easy but it seems easier to do when you're in a secure relationship and feel more settled in your life rather than when your life/relationship has recently blown up and you're not really sure who you are without a partner?

i guess my question is how can i come to terms with all of this and not feel so much shame around it? i feel like i'm taking these cues from dating in nyc (which I hear is truly the worst dating scene for someone struggling with insecurities) and i don't know how to make the process of dating easier on myself. i know i'll eventually find someone great but the process seems to be wearing me down a lot when i've barely started. i also feel shame around discussing this with anyone because it almost feels taboo to talk about how your appearance directly impacts your experience in the world and it's hard for me to explain why it feels so heavy to me when dating feels more casual to others. i would love your thoughts.