Martial arts ask: green belt
When did you first realize you were serious about martial arts?
See, here’s the thing. I don’t think I am.
I think I may be more in love with the idea of being strong and being a martial arts practitioner than in love with the blood, sweat & tears of actually training. I love the idea of the results & the idea of improving skills but when it comes down to it I don’t put the work in. Whether my lack of training & motivation comes from sheer laziness and unfocus or if its my debilitating self-esteem issues or if its depression I really can’t say. It might be because I’m an overthinker, but right now I’m kind of soul searching whether its best to get myself up to par enough & deal with the self-esteem issues on my own so that I can face my teammates again, or whether to go to practices again & just do it, despite the fact I suck.
The short answer is: I’m really terrible at kicking my own ass & making myself get out there. And I’m too proud to ask for coddling or “special attention”. We’ve got some talented people on my team & the coaches should focus on them, not scared-to-fail me. I won’t consider myself a serious practitioner until I’m willing to carry my own weight & be self-motivating.
Not the answer I want to give, but it’s the honest answer. It’s also longer than I wanted I gave you a meta sorry
