#saralaxce

[eleanor-bishop]

nyssa al ghul on instagram feat. her gf sara !

[daxambcrn]

[biologicalengineer]

ii. bargaining

summary: after kara’s funeral, alex steals kara’s body during the night before it’s due to be sent toward the sun so she can revive her using earth-38′s lazarus pit. she’s successful with reviving her, but that’s about it. kara  @nationalcityy​ is completely distraught and now suffering from sensory overload and bloodlust. sara @saralaxce​ shows up beyond livid and throws alex out so sara can take care of kara herself. she soothes kara, and they bond over what it’s like to die and be revived.

ALEX.

the exhaustion is beginning to catch up with alex.  the past few days are a blur.  even now, as she sits with kara's newly reanimated body at her feet ( she still can't believe she's breathing again ), she's stuck somewhere between dissociation and euphoria.  she'd done it; she'd actually managed to find the pit and revive her sister.  to say she's feeling about a hundred emotions at once is an understatement.  right now, however, she's more concerned with monitoring kara's vitals.

KARA.

Damp. That's the first thing Kara remembers feeling before her eyes snap open and she's gasping for air. As though she cannot breath and her chest is ready to give in on her. For the first time in a while, she's feeling things again. And it's terrifying. She notes that it's cold here. Not light like the warmth she had felt wherever it was she had been. And she blinks again before a sudden weight weighs down on her and she's lifting her hand to notice a glow of green around her wrists. Aches travel through her body as they kick start her senses. And then she's struggling, crying to get them off of her.

ALEX.

as soon as kara begins to fight to get a good breath in, alex reaches for her, touching her arm comfortingly. "hey, hey," she soothes, her eyes wide but round with concern.  it's immediately clear that the kryptonite handcuffs are bother her, but she knows - as much as she wants to - she can't take them off. "kara, it's me. it's alex. i'm here," she promises her softly, tears welling up in her eyes as she watches her sister living and breathing. it just makes her death seem like a sick, horrible nightmare. "you won't have to wear these forever, i promise. it's just... for now. you have to adjust."

KARA.

Tears begin to stream down her cheeks the more she struggles, and this all seems like one horrible nightmare. Darkness is consuming her and she's trapped. Maybe this is hell. Maybe she didn't transition properly. Maybe that tiny glimpse of her mother was a facade to keep the loop going. But then something touches her and she's flinching. That is until she sees her sister's face and she's upright, pushing away from her. Alex's words are mumbled, hard to hear through her re-functioning ears. Pulling her legs into herself, the Kryptonian lingers as she stares at her older sister. Unsure if this is a mirage or not. "I...Is...Is this hell?" She asks her bluntly. "A...Am I in hell?"

ALEX.

alex tries not to take kara's reaction to her touch to heart.  she's going through a lot.  she can't imagine what it feels like, to literally come back from death.  she also doesn't know how it feels to be revived by the lazarus pit.  all she knows is that it works.  kara's alive.  that's what's important. "what? kara, no, you're alive," alex assures her, brow furrowing severely. "i found a way to bring you back. i found a way to save you," she reaches out to gently touch kara's face, hoping that she won't be accosted.  it's just so nice to see her again, alive.

KARA.

Kara reads Alex's lips carefully. She was always good at that. Since she had arrived on this planet, knowing little of it's languages. And she understands, gets what she's saying, but she hates it. Hates it with everything in her. She was ripped from the again. From her parents. For the third time in her short life. She hadn't been given the chance to say goodbye. She lifts her eyes. She doesn't feel alive. Not really. She doesn't feel like the woman she once was. She feels heavy. Dark. And Alex touches her again, and again Kara flinches. Pulls herself away from her and rocks her body back and forth, knees close to her chest and just... tries to understand what is going on. "Y...Y-" She groans as her speech struggles, "you did this to me?"

ALEX.

this time, when kara pulls away from alex, she doesn't go to her, despite how desperately she wants to.  she withdraws her hand uncertainly, swallowing as she watches kara.  is this right?  is this how she's supposed to respond?  a small bloom of panic is beginning to grow in her chest.  she starts second-guessing herself--not that she'd revived kara, but that maybe she's done something wrong with regard to the ritual.  then kara says that, and her heart does something she can't put into words. "i... kara. you died, and i found a way to bring you back. you were gone," alex's voice breaks a little, in spite of her best efforts. "i had to save you."

KARA.

She wants to cry. She wants to so desperately lay herself onto the ground and cry until her body can no longer produce tears. She wants nothing more than to scream and shout and let all the anger that she can feel bubbling inside her body have it's way. Rid herself of the emotions that are stewing. Because this is daunting. And different. She looks up at her sister briefly. Notes the pain in her features, and despite herself, she can't will her body to move closer to her. To tell her thank you, and hug her, and cry over the fact that she's been given this second chance. Kara feels so far gone from herself that she can barely look in her the eye. And then she says it. The word that causes her spine to tingle. Save. Eyes dart from Alex's face and she rocks herself again, intent on tugging at her restraints. Before she gathers; "How? How did you bring me back?"

ALEX.

this... isn't at all the reaction she'd been expecting.  alex is kind of at a loss for words.  she watches her sister, her elation and gratefulness now slowly ebbing away to confusion and uncertainty.  it's hard to say, but it almost seems as though kara doesn't want to be back.  alex doesn't understand how that's even a valid option or viewpoint.  there is no world if there is no kara. in alex's mind, time had stopped with kara's death and started again with this 'rebirth.' she isn't comprehending how this could even remotely be bad. "the... the lazarus pit. we have one on our earth. i did some research. i brought you here, after... after the funeral," she struggles to explain herself, that anxiety growing into something greater. "it brought you back to life. i couldn't just... i had to... you can't die. not now. not for a long time."

SARA.

decked out in her league gear sara storms into the location of where the lazarus pit is being kept on this earth. sara is barely keeping a lid on her anger not only for alex but for the situation as a whole. she doesn't even take her safety into account when she sees kara. sara knows full well that kara could destroy any of them but it looks like she isn't suffering from the bloodlust currently. the next concern would be the memory loss. removing the fabric covering her face sara makes her way over to alex. her voice is low and steady but filled with a burning rage. "leave. now." sara then turns over to kara and her whole demeanor softens. "hey sunshine, you remember me?"

KARA.

Lazarus pit. That explained why she was cuffed like some kind of animal. Her body deflates almost immediately and she sinks further into her body, cuffed hands combing through her hair as she genuinely struggles to keep the tears at bay. So that was why she felt... different. Didn't quite feel whole. Her eyes shift to Alex briefly. They both knew what that did to people. Knew of the consequences. And yet Alex had proceeded. She'd given Kara a lust to kill and she was terrified of when it would break free. So consumed is she in her sudden realisation that she misses the muffled tone of someone new before a blonde settles before her. And for a moment, she stares. Eyes wondering her features until she remembers. It's Sara. Sara who's suffered the same fate that she has. And all at once she breaks down, crying furiously into her knees. Hands splayed out in front of her.

ALEX.

sara's arrival sends a cold chill down alex's spine. it's like she's been caught doing something she shouldn't, which is strange, because even now, with sara here, she still doesn't think she's done anything wrong. "i'm not leaving her," though she's determined, her voice isn't combative or harsh. she isn't leaving her sister, especially not like this. but she can't help but wonder if the reason kara is crying right now is because of her. deep down, she knows it is, and knows it's for all the wrong reasons, but alex is stubborn and, above all, sad. she selfishly wants her sister above all else.

SARA.

"you've already been selfish enough today i think it's time you give kara some space." her jaw is clenched, eyes filled with rage but behind the rage is a terrible sadness because she knows what kara is about to go through and she wouldn't wish that on anyone. rummaging through her pocket sara pulls out a key for the kryptonite cuffs. making slow, steady movements sara reaches down and goes to unlock them. as she does so she narrates all of her movements so that she doesn't startle kara.  "i'm just gonna sit with you for a bit okay. as long as you need."

KARA.

Kara continues crying into her knees. Not even daring to let Alex see the look on her face. She understands why she did it. She does. What she doesn't get is why she would put her through that one thing she refused to get there. And suddenly, the waves of missing her parents hit again and can't help but feel like yes. This is in fact hell. Both their voices are muffled, Alex's and Sara's and she fails to find the concentration to hone in on what they're saying. She's scared. Terrified, actually. And then her cuffs click off and feels the pain and pressure that had been amounting with them free from her body. Almost immediately she shifts forward, tossing them away from her to breath before she looks at the scarring of tissue they've caused. A visual reminder now that she's different. "Okay," she nods to Sara, wiping at her face, "...o-okay."

ALEX.

her heart seizes in her chest, but something tells her that there's no sense in arguing. maybe it's a shred of logic, maybe it's common sense. either way, she lets her eyes linger on her sister before she very reluctantly turns away and leaves the room they're in. it's the last thing she wants, to be away from kara, but she knows there's nothing helpful about arguing with sara while kara is so upset. putting her head in her hands, she sinks down to sit against the stone wall, more than enough distance between her and them.

SARA.

her heart is breaking for kara, someone so good shouldn't have to go through this. sara had been trained to kill, she didn't like it but she could do it. kara wasn't like that at all. this could break her. on the other hand she can understand alex's thinking; laurel did the same thing. but where did that get her? sara was alive and laurel was dead. sara shifts and sits down beside kara, looking over her protectively. a sigh of relief escapes her lips when alex leaves without a fuss. they can discuss the monumental error in her judgement later.

KARA.

She's very quiet then. Like her thoughts are consuming her ability to speak. And even as Alex goes, Kara sits there. In silence and let's her. She doesn't have the energy to call her back. To tell her everything is going to be okay. A lie maybe, but anything to wipe that look off of her face. Licking her lips, eyes fall to wrists again and a single finger trails the red cutting of her skin. "I.. don- don't want t...to hurt anyone," she whispers, turning her head to Sara, eyes glassy with loss and confusion. "I shou- sh- should've stayed dead."

SARA.

she softens again when she looks back at kara. "i know you don't sweetheart. i'm gonna help you okay?" she slowly reaches out - her hands stopping just before their fingers touch. "is it alright if i hold your hands right now?" it can be a tricky thing physical contact; especially after experiencing a trauma like kara had just gone through. sara nods in understanding and sighs. "i know; being ripped away like that...it's never something i talked about with laurel because i didn't want her to feel any worse than she already did. i certainly wasn't at peace but i wasn't in pain anymore." a sad smile graces her lips. "what can i do for you right now?"

KARA.

Kara pauses for a second as she looks down at how close Sara's hand is to her own. And she lingers. She didn't let Alex touch her. Something about physical contact meaning that was yes, indeed reality now. But she swallows and gives a small nod so that Sara can hold her before she's licking her lips and lifting her eyes. For a moment, she lingers, eyes pricking again. She didn't know if she should explain her after life experience. If it was simply just hers now to remember or if she would be gestured at it to explain more. Instead she opts for a small nod of understanding before she sighs. "Can... can we go home?"

SARA.

sara nods and simply reaches out to hold kara's hands in her own. taking in a breath sara just sits there. letting them have a moment of quiet together. "yeah we can go home but we aren't going to stay there." she sighs and bites her lip. "i'm going to have to take you away from everyone for a little while if you're okay with that. until you feel more in control again." before sara came to get her sara made plans with j'onn to take kara away so that there wouldn't be any overstimulation. so that no one would end up in her crosshairs. "but we can stay for awhile. do you..." she pauses. "do you want alex to come?"

KARA.

Kara's eyes fall slightly at the suggestion of not being allowed to stay in National City. But she understood it was for everyone else's safety. The last thing she wanted was to cause collateral damage. Silently hating that she had now become some kind of monster, she licked over her lips and sighed. "Yeah, I understand," she turns her head before looking at Sara and then looking at the door Alex had left through. After a lot of inner debating with herself, she deflated slightly before turning back to Sara. "She can come."

SARA.

"okay maybe i should have gone about that in a different way." she smiles apologetically. "honestly kara i don't think she should come - at least not right away." sara quickly qualifies. "i think the more people you have around the more nervous you'll get. and this is one of the few times she won't know what she is doing." sara pauses, licking her lips. "i don't want you to be put in the position where you could hurt her because it could happen. i'd like to try and prevent that for you."

KARA.

For a moment, Kara sits there. Staring at the doorway upon which her sister had exited and sighed. Sara was right. She didn't want to give Alex the chance to get hurt. She didn't want to even think about it. Exposed to red kryptonite, she'd broken her arm. What would a blood lust do? Rubbing her face, she sighed and lowered her eyes before nodding her head. "I understand...." a pause, "how.... how are you going to stop me from hurting... you?"

SARA.

sara shrugs, frankly she doesn't care if kara hurts her but that's a discussion for another time. "well i know how the bloodlust works kara. while it will be different for you simply because you aren't human i know the signs to look out for. and with removing you from triggers i hope that will keep it at bay." the only time it would happen for sara would be when she was fighting; the rest well that's because she had no soul and that isn't going to be a problem for kara. "plus your sister lands on the mat every time we train so i've got some skills she doesn't." she smirks trying to lighten the mood a bit.

KARA.

For the first time since she'd woken up, Kara chuckles. "One.....time, she-she bent her knees. When we were sparr-rr-rring, I climbed them and managed to flip her with my th-th-thighs." A hand goes to her face and she wipes away the tears that were sprinkled across her cheeks, "d-d...don't tell'er I said that though. She was embarrassed that I was powerless at the time." Turning her head, she offers a smile before it fades as fast as it had came. "I upset her. When I woke....up."

SARA.

sara sits back and listens with amusement. little by little kara will come back but it will take some time and a lot of effort. it's good she is remembering things though, it'll help tether her to the good parts of her. "i'm impressed sunshine, i should teach you a few of my moves and she won't know what hit her." she chuckles again, wrinkling her nose. "don't worry i've already embarrassed her enough. anything more won't hurt." she softens again and sighs softly. "she'll get over it kara, you weren't in control. she has to respect what you need right now."

KARA.

Kara scratches her temple briefly. Waits a moment before she tries to speak again. Mainly because her staccato'd speech is embarrassing her. She also hates that she's having to be told that everything between herself and Alex will be fine. She doesn't think they will. Kara can barely Will herself to look at her, never mind have a proper conversation. "What was it like?" She whispers, turning her head a little, "when you died. Wh-whe...re did you go?"

SARA.

sara doesn't want to rush or push kara; she has no problem with working on her timeline. being resurrected is shocking to see the least. her brows furrow slightly, sara had been hoping this wouldn't come up. or at least not so soon. sighing she adjusts her posture. "when i died the first time i was cold and lonely for quite some for awhile. laurel, i could hear her sobbing like it was playing on a loop. but eventually it all faded; i don't really know how long it took. i don't really remember going anywhere but i was dead a lot longer than you were. all that i can really place is that i didn't feel my demons anymore - like i was almost at peace. maybe like 90% or something."

KARA.

Licking her lips, Kara gives Sara her full attention. Reads every word that drops from her mouth. She wants to understand what it was like for someone else. And maybe it was too soon to question, but she already feels so broken, she doubts it matters now. She'd ask it eventually. With a nod, she leans over and rests her head upon Sara's shoulder gently. "....I don't want to be here."

SARA.

it breaks her heart to see kara so broken. she had the most light out of all of them but it had now been extinguished which was the real tragedy. sara brings a hand up and gently cradles kara's head. "i know...neither did i..." something she has never admitted out loud, much less with someone else there to hear it. "some days will be easier and some will fucking suck but either way i'm here to help you get through them okay?"

KARA.

"I know," she nods quietly, touches hand briefly before her own drops to her side and she lingers. It's a hard thought to process. Not wanting to live, but she's thankful she has Sara to help her through this. That she understands. "You think we can.... can maybe g-get out of here now? I don't.. I don't.." she sighs and waves her hands at the walls to try and get her point across before a huff passed through her lips. "Yknow..."

SARA.

sara waits while kara tries to get her thoughts out. she has never been much of a patient person but she is willing to put that aside for kara right now. "of course, there's a jet waiting to take us back to national city so that you can grab a few things before we take off again." she sighs as she pushes herself up off the ground. stretching out her arm she offers her hand to kara to help her up. "i wasn't sure how this was going to affect your powers. but flying back probably wasn't going to be on the top of your list of things you wanted to do so yeah. it's ready and waiting."

KARA.

Reaching for Sara's hand, Kara shakily gets to her feet. Standing for the first time that day. And she wobbles. Slightly before she wills herself to actually let go of her support. Not that it lasts too long and she grips on to Sara's shoulder again. "Sorry," she mumbles in frustration as she looks down at her useless legs and then back up at Sara again. "Well... I-I can baaarely hear you, I'm reading your lips? So-so-so I don't think flying would be good either." She starts to walk alongside her. "Where ar-ar-are we going after the DEO?"

SARA.

sara stands there patiently offering kara whatever support she needs. her brow furrows as kara stumbles, it's strange seeing her like this but sara understands. the pit affects everyone differently after all. a protective arm wraps around kara's waist in an attempt to steady her. "don't be sorry.  this is what i'm here for." she nods and smiles comfortingly. "oh i didn't realize, do you need me to speak slower or something?" though kara has been doing pretty well already so she doubts that will be the case. "uh we aren't going to the deo, just your apartment and then off to a little island where no one will bother us. it might seem dumb but you'll get used to the idea."

KARA.

'No," Kara starts with a very small smile. "I used to have to do it when I first got to this planet," she pauses at the sudden flow of words that seem to be working their way out of their throat. That's a good thing, she guesses. "I got so good at that Eliza and Jeremiah had to cover their mouths when whispering." She points to her ear, "not that it he-helped." She walks alongside her friend then before pausing and stopping. Brow crinkling across her brow. There was something she needed at the DEO Something- "Mon-El," she starts slowly, eyes lifting. "Can I see him?"

SARA.

"look at you, full of so many hidden talents." she chuckles lightly while rubbing her shoulder a little. "handy to know though, i'll have to keep myself in check when i'm around you." not that sara is really one to sensor herself anyhow. she bites her lip, sara had been anticipating this request while she doesn't want to be the bearer of bad news she doesn't exactly think it's a good idea. "let's see how you're feeling once we get back to the city. it's a long flight but for now i'll tentatively say yes."

KARA.

"That's okay," Kara nods, doesn't push it. She's just good enough to hear that it's a maybe. She wonders briefly if Alex took care of him like she requested. She can only hope. Though, judging by how everything had gone today, she doubted it. Walking on, she licked her lips before breaking free from the grip she had on Sara's arm before picking up the cuffs Alex had  placed on her before. They make her feel ill, but her own comfort, she lifts them and returns to her friend's side. "Just in case?" She nods, handing them over.

SARA.

she frowns when kara breaks free and goes back to the cuffs. a shiver runs up sara's spine and she flashes back to when she was chained up like a rabid dog. shaking her head sara tries to get rid of the image. "no sunshine, i'm not going to put those back on. i trust you." she pauses and licks her lips. "but if...if you want we can bring them." she understands kara's need to know she isn't going to be a threat but frankly sara can be just as deadly. she takes the cuffs in one hand and offers the other to kara once more.

KARA.

She falters briefly as Sara shakes her head and tells her no. If anything, it was more so for Kara's peace of mind. She wasn't certain anything on the journey could trigger her, but she didn't want to take the risk either. Rubbing her free hand on the dampened dress she's wearing, the Kryptonian briefly licks her lips and nods her head. "Alright. But at the first sign of anything..." She hands them over before letting her hand slip into Sara's.

SARA.

"i've got you sunshine, nothing is gonna happen alright." she reassures her warmly. "and besides they told me these make you sick and i'm not interested in doing that." sara states matter of factly. "come on, let's get you into some dry clothes. there are some on the plane for you. and i wasn't sure if you were gonna be hungry or not but there are potstickers and pizza too." she smiles again before leading them both out of the room and down the corridor to the plane waiting outside.

KARA.

Any and all dark thoughts evaporate the moment she hears that there is food on the plane, and for a second, she feels semi-normal. A very, very, very brief second. But it's there. "You got both?" She whispers, leaning into Sara slightly, her deflation evaporating for a small moment before her body sags again at the sudden burst of energy. "That's awesome," she nods, gives her a smile. "Like seriously. Thanks," she pauses then. "Is Alex already there?"

SARA.

"only the best for kara danvers." she smirks and chuckles while continuing to lead them out. sara grips a little tighter if only to give kara a little more support. "no need to thank me, i'm starving too. will probably have to fight you for the last potsticker but like the gentleman i am i'll let you have it." she stops just as they reach the stairs to go up into the plane. "uh yeah she should be..."

KARA.

Karas head nods as she looks back to the plane and offers Sara a very faint essence of a smile. She's slightly nervous to see her sister again. Though, she can't really say she knows how she's going to respond to her. Now that she has a complete understanding of what it is that's going on with her body. "Oh." She comments quietly, settling back. "She's not here."

SARA.

sara is silently preparing herself for the shit storm that is about to ensue. though she breathes a sigh of relief when alex isn't on the plane. "she probably just wanted to give you some space sunshine. she must have went back with j'onn instead. she is in a lot of trouble right now. he probably didn't want to let her out of his sight." she shrugs hoping that explanation is enough for kara. for all sara knows it could be true.May 13, 2017

KARA.

She lifts her eyes and gives a small nod. She won't ask anymore questions about it. And she'll get the chance to talk to Alex eventually. Maybe. If she's feeling up to it, that is. "Alright." The blonde moves to a seat on the plane, doesn't bother to strap herself and pulls her legs up so they are just beneath her body. She already feels physically smaller. But every couple of minutes, she has to remember that she's back here again. That she's lost. Again. Lifting her eyes, she offers the smallest of smiles in Sara's direction before looking down. "Here we go then."

[ END. ]

[nationalcityy-a]

this just in, drunk!kara danvers is a loser

[agoodluthor-blog]

          ❝ i didn’t know what kind of flowers you liked but i figured these would do the trick ?? ❞ she blushes; sara’s entire apartment is filled with a combination of gladiolus and heather lavenders. flowers that symbolize STRENGTH OF CHARACTER AND HONOR. but also ADMIRATION AND BEAUTY. a not so subtle thank you, for saving her life that same morning. ❝ now that i’m standing here seeing how outlandish this whole setup must look i feel kinda dumb... i can... i can take them away if you don’t like them. ❞     @saralaxce ❤’d.

[biologicalengineer]

i. denial & anger.

summary: after kara @nationalcityy​ dies during the fight against the daxamites, alex corners mon-el @e1mayarah​ in the deo to take it out on him. sara @saralaxce​ (who was there to help with the battle) pulls alex off of him but not before she breaks her hand on his face. eventually, sara drags alex off to the locker room to clean up. lena @agoodluthor​ appears, unaware of what’s happened and finds out from mon-el. they comfort each other.

trigger warnings: major character death (kara); grief/loss; blood; injury

ALEX.

alex doesn't have paperwork. she has a goal in mind. ignoring the stares she gets from still being covered in kara's blood, she sets purposefully into the foyer, looking for someone in particular. as soon as she sees him, her entire body seizes with rage. "you," she growls the word which sounds almost inhuman coming out of her mouth. without any further warning, she lunges at mon el, first connecting with his face with all of her strength. she can feel the bones in her hand crack but that doesn't stop her. she keeps going at him, screaming nonsensically about how this is his fault.

MON-EL.

He feels like he's back in stasis --- caught in a nightmare he can't wake up from. The news of Alex's return ( and the cause of it ) had filtered through the DEO like wildfire but Mon-El was only focused on one aspect of the story. Heart racing, blood thumping through his temple in sheer desperate panic, he sees the older ( only ) Danvers sister before his eyes catch the red. The Daxamite freezes in place, body going instantly numb as the information registers within his foggy mind. The blood, so dark and red against Alex's skin, isn't hers. It's Kara's. He doesn't move as Alex advances on him, eyes still locked on her, mouth still open slightly in silent denial. Words. Mon-El needs to tell Alex to stop --- that she'll hurt herself before she'll ever hurt him, but he can't find the words through the lump in his throat. He can only focus distantly on what she's screaming at him in her fury and for the life of him he can't find the strength to argue. "I --," his voice grates against the back of his throat and he takes a step backwards, dropping his gaze. "No," he shakes his head between her blows, hand grasping lightly yet strong around one of her wrists. You’ll hurt yourself, Alex, please "Rao, no..."

ALEX.

she's beyond reaching. something inside of her has snapped. alex continues screaming at him, hardly impacted by his commandeering of one of her wrists. she struggles for a moment, the pain in her hand singing with numbness before she ultimately comes to a rather simple conclusion. in a flash, alex brandishes a pistol. it's a human one in place of her other gun, because she wants the effect of the lead bullets. she presses it to his forehead, struggling with him still. "tell me why i shouldn't kill you for what you've done," she snaps. "if you had never come into her life, if you had never gotten close to her..."

MON-EL.

Mon-El lets her wrist go. For the life of him he doesn't have any fight left, not when her words break through the blanket pressing over his mind. He can feel it now, the swell of emotion --- pain, loss, sadness, grief, anger --- they crash into him all at once and his eyes turn, throat tight. The cold press of metal to his forehead is enough to draw his gaze up, though he barley even registers the gun. All he sees is Alex, face contorted in more emotion than he thinks he'll ever be able to feel. But she does. She feels it all and he can see that. "You're r-right..." the words leave his lips just above a whisper and his shoulders sag in defeat, hands clenched at his sides until he feels his nails bite into his palms. Something wet runs down his cheek and the Daxamite bites back a scream that is trying to claw its way up his throat. If I had never loved her then she'd still be alive. He looks to Alex and his face breaks, forehead shifting to press against the barrel of the pistol. "I'm s-sorry, it’s my fault. It’s – it’s all my fault..."

SARA.

she had only left alex on her own for a couple of minutes. after carrying kara into the medical wing sara needed to talk to j'onn about what their next steps were. it had only been a minute. deep in heated conversation notices a change in the energy of the room, ignoring the obvious of course. something is off; agents have their hands hovering over their gun holsters unsure of how to proceed. sara turns around and sees through the glass that alex has her gun pointed at mon el. "jesus christ." sara mutters under her breath while she storms towards the both of them. clenching her jaw sara speaks through gritted teeth. her voice is low and steady but could be construed as a growl. "you." she points to mon el. "you need to leave right now, give the agent here some space." sara turns to alex and pushes mon el back so that she is between him and the gun. "you danvers are an idiot and are coming with me. now."

ALEX.

alex has tunnel vision. all she can see is mon el. he represents everything that's taken her sister away from her, and she can't separate him from it or make any distinction. she's seething, practically psychotic with rage and grief, that even when sara puts herself between mon el and her gun it takes her a few seconds to even register that it's sara. she's breathing hard, her eyes dark as her hands shake. her broken hand lays at her side while her left steadily, reluctantly lowers the gun. she still looks combative, like a cornered animal, though, and at the first opportunity, she tries to lunge for mon el again, even with sara between them.

MON-EL.

Blonde invades his vision and for a moment a swell of hope surges through him. His reality is sharpened and he stands up straighter --- she wouldn't want to see them like this. But once the voice filters into his mind he realizes that it's not Kara but someone else ( Sara a voice that sounds oddly like hers tells him ). The Daxamite deflates all over again, feeling as if he's been slugged in the gut. His mouth is dry and even when he forces himself to swallow the lump grates against the back of his throat. Head shifting in a nod, he wants to say something ( anything ) that will offer some sort of solace to Alex --- she has lost the most out of any of them, he isn't blind to that. But words down come. Won't form so instead he takes a step backwards, eyes leaving the remaining Danvers before he turns completely to leave.

LENA.

She can't put a name on it but when she's back to where other people are, the air has changed. Lena looks around, agents avoid her eyes as she desperately tries to get an explanation and that sets her anxiety off, runs through her veins making the palms of her hands sweaty, where is J'onn, or Alex? She needs to find a familiar face so she'll be assured that things are okay, (because regardless of what happened with the daxamites, they are okay. Aren't they? They won... Didn't they?) Lena walks with her gaze down, nipping om her lower lip when she collides against something hard, someone. Mon-el. He seems destroyed, his eyes aren't shining like they usually do, it's as if Lena's staring right into the void. They are not friends, but at least she knows him and for now it's good enough. "What... Are you... What happened?"

SARA.

she has seen this look that alex is wearing before. it's one sara has had on more than one occasion. while sara has no idea what alex is truly feeling in the moment she still has a pretty good idea seeing as she is dealing with her own grief. but that has to take a backseat (as it always does) so that she can take care of alex. sara scans up and down her body, quickly locking onto what looks like a broken hand. pursing her lips sara shakes her head and pinches the bridge of her nose. "you. locker room. now." there is no room for interpretation, alex can either go willingly or sara will drag her there herself. but first she reaches for alex's gun and practically rips it out of her good hand. she disassembles it with ease and simply stares at alex as the bullets drop onto the floor.

ALEX.

alex doesn't want to go; she wants to make mon el feel as hopeless and as lost as she feels. she doesn't, for a moment, consider that he already feels this way. in her narrow, self-centered focus, the only person who's hurting right now is alex. for all intents and purposes, everyone is an enemy... everyone, except sara, who's disconnected from most everyone else, save kara. so, it takes her a minute, but sara ultimately gets through to her, just enough. she turns sharply away from mon el and starts for the locker room, about two steps away from crumbling to the floor.

MON-EL.

Lost. He's so lost, that he barely even registers where his feet are taking him --- until something ( someone ) bumps into him. A bump to him is something stronger to anything human. And that voice. He knows that voice. Hollow and red rimmed eyes look up into the face of Lena Luthor and he feels a wave of guilt hit him all over again. Her question isn't one he thinks he can answer but, really, he doesn't think he can get out more than a few words, anyways. The other has to see it in the way he stands, in his defeat and hopelessness. "Kara," he manages to get out, her name grating against the back of his throat and the Daxamite can feel the tears threatening again. Mon-El looks away, jaw clenching, trying valiantly to keep it together.

SARA.

she lets the last remnants of the gun drop to the floor before following close behind. her chest is tight and her heart is heavy. sara stays just within reach just in case alex has a change of heart and decides to go after mon el again. while sara isn't particularly fond of him that doesn't change the fact that he is hurting right now too. for now they need to keep the peace then sara will deal with his mother. her immediate focus though is alex and needing to get her cleaned up. "can you hold out and have a shower before i set you hand or do i need to do that first?" her voice is gruff as if she is barking orders - it seems to be the only way to get through to alex in her current state.

LENA.

Kara, the name makes something inside her light up with hope and happiness, she hasn't seen her since the disaster started and she could really use a friend right now, someone that loves her and that she loves back to hug her and tell her it's over, it's okay. She also feels the urge to apologize to her, if she hadn't been so naive, so reckless, none of this would've happened in the first place. Lives were lost, people were injured. Lena owes them. "Where is she?" She asks Mon-El with the hint of a smile tugging at the corner of her lips, but it's only when she looks deeper into his eyes that she registers the sadness, the desperation. Something's definitely not okay and her relaxed face turns into a frown. "Where is she? I want to see her."

MON-EL.

Lena smiles. Actually smiles and he's reminded for one blindingly clear moment that that's what Kara did to people. Made them smile and hope and never give up. But he can't do this. He was.... there's no way... Mon-El can't handle this much emotion, this many feelings. He's being ripped apart and there's no way he'll be able to keep it together. His capacity to love and feel began and ended with Kara Zor-El, of that he is absolutely certain. "She's..." he can't even talk. Words grate painfully against the back of his throat --- he can't do this. He can't. And yet... he has to. For her. "She..." the Daxamite's throat seizes up on him and he shakes his head, biting back tears. "... I'm -- I'm sorry, Lena..."

LENA.

alex can't focus on anything. it wanes the instant she's alone with sara. she barely knows where she is, even less what she's doing or what she's supposed to be feeling other than pain. the physical pain is all she can identify, but not even that bothers her. she goes from aggressive to bewildered within seconds, looking around as though she's totally lost. she doesn't know where it comes from, but something just breaks, and she's on her knees. she can barely breathe for how hard it hits her: grief and anxiety all at once. her entire body shakes as she cries, unable to keep it quiet even if she wants to.

SARA.

her voice and posture soften in an instant. she knows the quiet moments are the worst - when you're alone is when the grief comes crashing down on you like a large swell. you swim through it just enough to get the tiniest of breaths before it pushes you down and you're drowning again. sara walks over and kneels beside alex. strong arms envelope her body as best she can. she rests her chin on the top of alex's head providing the most human contact she can. sara has to be alex's anchor in this storm as much as it kills her to do it.

LENA.

"You are sorry? Sorry for what?" The more she looks at Mon-El, the more she hears his voice break barely being able to contain the tears it becomes clear that Kara is not okay. And then realization strikes her, there wasn't a victory chant when the daxamites were defeated, there weren't sounds of relief and hugs, instead there was silence and that should've been the first indicator, yet Lena wanted to believe it was only the shock of the moment; now that she sees him like this, almost crying, hope abandons her. "Where is she?!" She doesn't mean to scream but she needs an answer. And she needs it now before she loses her mind. She needs to know Kara is alright, needs to see her to hug her and tell her how grateful she is to have her. Lena cannot lose her, not her too. "She okay, right? Tell me she's okay!"

MON-EL.

Mon-El flinches, face crumpling even more at the desperation in the woman's voice. He wonders distantly how she has the energy to shout so loud, though he understands. Their anchor has been taken from them. The Daxamite's head shifts again and now he can feel the silent tears slip from his eyes, breaching the surface in quite agony. "I can't," and he can't even look at her because the guilt is there again, strong and constricting around his heart in a vice like grip. Yet another person has lost someone important to them at the hands of his people. His mother. Him. He's not sure what spurs him to do so but Mon-El extends his hands weakly towards her, gaze downcast. "Will you..." he has to pause to swallow the emotion threatening to steal his voice and when he speaks next the words shake from his mouth, "Will you come... come with me?"

LENA.

He can't. That's all Lena needs. The fiery energy that was on display a few seconds ago suddenly vanishes and she feels dizzy, everything around her starts spinning and she feels like at any given moment she'll collapse, tears roll down her cheeks and she holds Mon-El's hand not because she wants to but because she needs to, she needs somebody to hold onto otherwise she'll fall into the ground and things will end horribly. Lena doesn't answer, doesn't nod nor shakes her head, she simply stands still, squeezing Mon-El's hand firmly with eyes red and tears coming down, however her expresion is composed. Whatever he wants to show her won't help. Nothing will help now.

MON-EL.

He sees the shift, the complete deflation and distantly he knows exactly what it feels like. What it feels like to lose the light inside you. The hope. His eyes shift up to her when he feels her hand slide into his own, surprise knitting through his brow in a quick flash before its shrouded with grief. He hadn't expected the contact even if he'd offered it --- he'd expected anger. Like Alex. Or cold composure. Like the DEO agents who looked at him differently now. The light pressure of the squeeze is enough to shatter him and his entire body sags, as if the link with Lena is siphoning his strength. Slowly ( mostly because moving is too much, takes too much energy and too mental drive ) Mon-El shifts forward, wrapping his arms around her. He can't huge her with everything that he has ( he wont be able to do that ever again ) but he holds the other woman steady, as if that if he were to let go he'd collapse to the floor in a heap.

ALEX.

sara is the only thing keeping her up at all, and she'd be grateful for that later. for now, she can't do anything but sob. it's ugly and raw, but she isn't exactly in a mindset to care how it happens. it's a good ten or fifteen minutes before she comes back from that inconsolable space. her whole body hurts, and she's suddenly acutely aware of the sharp throbbing of her hand. she's just trying to breathe right now, a realization of sara's presence dawning on her as though she's just now gotten here. her throat is raw from crying when she finally speaks again, "set it," she asks quietly, holding out her right hand. "please."

SARA.

she just stays there and rocks alex back and forth. using her own strength to hold them both up. sara wants to cry but she can't. not right now, alex needs her. everyone needs her. sara is the only one removed enough to see things with a clearer head despite just losing a friend ( and it's like losing her sister all over again ). it doesn't matter how long it takes sara will stay there holding alex, whatever she needs - within reason. sara is drifting off trying to shut out the sound of alex sobbing when it finally ceases. it pulls her back to her own reality. "okay. i'll splint it for now and then you can get it properly checked in medical once you're cleaned up." plus sara wants to keep as much space between alex and mon el as possible right now. getting up from her spot on the floor sara goes to the first aid kit on the wall and gets what she needs in order to splint alex's hand. bending back down sara lightly presses around her right hand attempting to be as gentle as possible but she needs to feel where the bones are broken. "this is going to hurt." she murmurs not even looking at alex while she snaps things back into place before splinting her hand.

ALEX.

the pain is a secondary concern. she knows it's going to hurt, and she isn't ashamed of the reaction she's bound to have. to the best of her ability, she used her left hand to unfasten her belt and tug it free. when sara comes back to her, she puts it between her teeth. she's already caused enough of a scene, she isn't looking for another one. nodding to sara, she braces for it, knowing she'll never be ready. it's blinding, but biting into the leather helps, even if she still feels like she's about to pass out. the noise she does make is muffled by the belt, but afterward, she has to let to fall to breathe through the waves of throbbing pain that follow. it's nauseating but she has to push through it. part of her just shuts down. alex struggles to her feet, unable to look at sara. "i just... need a moment," she licks her lips, which are terribly dry. "i'm not going to do anything. i just..." alex doesn't even know what to say. she can't ask for anymore than sara's already given her.

SARA.

"no. you can have time alone later when i'm sure you're not going to be an idiot again." sara doesn't bother to look at alex as she stands up off the floor. she is very much relying on her league training right now - it's the only way she is currently surviving. basically ignoring the world around her enough so that she can function enough to take care of other people. there's a dullness in her stare but her voice is steady and low.  "go get in the shower and i'll be there in a second." sara picks up the rest of the supplies off the floor and puts them back in the first aid kit. though she follows quickly behind alex not allowing her enough time to get too in her head.

ALEX.

something about breaking down in the locker room has all but knocked the fight right out of her. she doesn't challenge sara; she just goes. with a little struggle, she manages to undress for the most part. what little pride she has left begs for that. she casts a sideways glance at her clothes, makes a mental note to just torch them later, and turns on the water. alex does what she can to keep her right hand out of any immediate pressure, no matter how slight, which proves to be awkward since it's her dominant hand. the regret begins to pour in as she thinks about mon el. now somewhat out of her fog, she realizes that he's likely hurting, too. she sighs heavily, shoulders falling while she lets the water wash over her.

SARA.

sara comes into the bathroom and locks the door behind her so that no one will bother them for awhile. though most of the agents are probably giving the locker room a wide berth right now. sara shrugs out of her suit when it falls to the ground she finally sees the large dark red stain on the chest. it's definitely not the first time sara has seen blood like this but looking at it now it physically hurts her. sara quietly walks up behind alex and begins to gently massage her shoulders and neck.

ALEX.

she doesn't hear sara enter so much as she can feel her presence, and then her hands. part of alex wants to open her mouth to protest, tell her she doesn't have to do this, but for whatever reason, she ultimately says nothing.  maybe it's the comfort of familiar human contact; maybe it's a nice distraction.  regardless, she leans into her hands while also making room for sara underneath the water. her eyes are closed, mostly because she doesn't want to see the blood washing off either of them.

SARA.

she continues to knead the muscles in alex's shoulders and neck for a few more minutes. allowing the hot water to wash away all of their sins, their pain. sara stays silent while they are in there together, no need for words right now as there is no way to express what either of them is truly feeling. she reaches for the body wash and lathers herself up before doing the same for alex. it doesn't go amiss that alex's eyes are shut during the whole process. sara does it partially because she only has one hand but she knows that alex can't look at kara's blood any longer.

ALEX.

alex appreciates sara more than words can say. she lets her help bathe because she honestly - as sad as it is - needs the assistance. though she can do it with one hand, it's less that and more that she feels unable to, emotionally. at some point, though, she turns and faces sara, wrapping her good hand and arm around her before her chin and cheek come to rest on her shoulder. the water's still hitting them, but she just stands there. "i'm sorry," she's not sure what for, but it's for a lot of things. "you lost her, too." it's all she wants to say, all she can say. alex just needs sara to know.

SARA.

sara finishes helping alex bathe, she doesn't mind doing it. when sara was first taken in by the league nyssa would help her bathe and it was the one time they could relax at all. the only time sara had any peace. though she practically freezes when alex turns around to hug her. sara can initiate contact right now but being on the receiving end is a different story. but she doesn't pull away and just lets alex do what she needs to. "yeah." it's all sara can really say, if she thinks about it too much then she'll be no good to anyone. "when you're done i'll help you get dressed and then take you home." there's no way sara is taking her to kara's body today.May 10, 2017

ALEX.

as her fingers unconsciously brush over the scars of sara's back when she pulls her arm away, a thought occurs to her, almost too quick to catch. she doesn't say anything, doesn't give any facial cues that anything has changed, but she just draws back. alex nods an affirmative to sara, and they finish their shower. after grappling with having someone else have to help her get dressed, she doesn't argue with the idea of going home. besides, she has something to look into, a beam of hope in an otherwise pitch-black darkness.

SARA.

they finish their shower and sara does her due diligence making sure that alex is functional to go home on her own. at least for a couple of hours; arrangements have to be made and right now it's probably easier if they keep alex out of it. sara slips into the sweater kara had leant her and a pair of her ripped black jeans. another part of her has just become hollow - life just keeps chipping away at her and sara doesn't know how much is left. how long she has left. shrugging sara goes off to find j'onn then she'd like to say goodbye to kara before the big show begins because for supergirl it has to be. that's not who sara needs to say goodbye to though; it's her friend kara that she is going to miss.

[ END. ]

[nationalcityy-a]

Alex, revives Kara with Lazarus pit: yes :)

Literally everyone else: No :/

[biologicalengineer]

that time where they spooned // alex/sara

@saralaxce shows up at alex’s place upset. alex convinces her to have a nice hot, bath and then totally, 100% platonically stay the night. somewhere during everything, alex remembers she has a backbone, and they spoon, because sara is sad, and alex is an excellent big spoon.

alex.

alex isn't expected anyone, so when there's a knock on her door, she glances in the direction of where she keeps her nearest gun. it's instinct at this point, but she doesn't reach for it just yet. she takes stock and stands, setting the half-finished glass of scotch on a coaster on the table. she's already in her pj's but that hardly fazes her. the instant she looks though the peephole, her body goes rigid. without even registering it, she has the door open, her expression a mixture of at least five dominant emotions. "sara," she wants to reach out and touch her, maybe pull her into a hug, but something holds her back. "are you okay? when did you get here?" she steps back, letting her in.(edited)

sara.

she needs to be anywhere but here. the adrenaline of everything that has happened in the past few hours is crashing down on sara and she is in for a huge drop. sara can't even process the moment she spent with laurel. after a quick yet firm discussion with cisco finds herself back on earth-38. sara doesn't know where else to go. after a long walk she ends up at alex's door. as much as she enjoys kara sara can't deal with her optimism right now. alex at least will somewhat understand. with a soft knock on the door sara waits patiently. "hi." quiet, almost timid. "i'm fine just needed to be somewhere else." hands shove into pockets. "a couple of hours ago i think." nodding a thank you sara steps in as she lets out a loud sigh.

alex.

sara doesn't have to say a single word before alex knows something is wrong. she shuts the door behind her, locking it, before she gently touches sara's arm, near her elbow. "hey," her tone mimics the softness that sara's exudes, yet the defining characteristic is the collectedness and calm behind it. "sit here," alex gently guides sara over to her couch and, without even asking, retrieves an empty glass which she fills with the same scotch she'd been drinking. upon handing it to sara, she joins her on the couch--close but not too imposing. she doesn't know if sara wants space or not. "what can i do for you?" she asks, giving her the option not to talk about it (whatever it was) if that's what she needs right now.

sara.

silence is easier, she can't find the right words anyhow. first instinct is to flinch when alex's touches her but for some reason she doesn't. for a brief moment sara feels safe but it's fleeting. slowly making her way over to the couch sara sits. hair falls over her face and she makes no effort to brush it behind her ears. slender fingers wrap around the glass as it's handed to her. there is a pause before sara takes her first sip. "nothing." well of course there is but sara doesn't know how to ask for it. "i'm just going to sit here and drink and then i'll get out of your hair."April 5, 2017

alex.

alex takes a moment to look her over without being too invasive. her gaze averts soon but the instant sara speaks, she's looking back to her. she reaches out, softly brushes the other girl's hair from her face and subtly chews the inside of her bottom lip. "stay here tonight," it isn't a request. it's more of laying of the law of how it's going to be. whatever's caused this, she doesn't want sara to be alone with those thoughts tonight. "we don't have to talk," not right now, anyway. she can when she's ready. carefully, as though she's afraid sara will break if her touch is too heavy, alex places a comforting hand on the back of sara's knee. "i'm here. whatever you need."

sara.

blank, distant. two very good words to describe sara lance in this moment. well at least her gaze anyhow as she stares at the floor. it appears as though she is even staring through it. without moving at all sara doesn't bother to even look at alex when she responds with a simple "no". with another sip she is already practically finished her drink. even though she is shaking inside sara's hands have never been more steady. it's the touch from alex that brings sara out of her stupor. "don't make promises you can't keep danvers." her words are hard, biting even. they come out of a place of pain and loss but can you really blame her? she just wants to do good and this is the reward she gets.

alex.

alex withdraws her hand, worried she's done something that crosses the delicate line they're toeing. she feels helpless but determined. while she doesn't know the cause of sara's state, she can relate to the darkness of it. "sara," her name is spoken softly, almost reverently. every word alex speaks, and every motion she makes is calculated. "hey, look at me," she watches her face, brow furrowed deeply as she tries to make the human connection sara needs. she seems so distant, and alex is determined to pull her back.

sara.

"coming here was a mistake. i'm going to go. thanks for the drink danvers." run sara, run like you always do. she sets the empty glass down on the coffee table before slowly getting up. there is a battle raging on now in both her head and heart. best to take her heart out of the equation and they only way she can do that is if she is alone. this is one of the few times the league's emotional torture is actually useful. "see ya around danvers." quick leave before your walls break down.

alex.

alex sits for a moment and watches as sara distances herself from the conversation. before she has a chance, however, she grabs her hand, standing herself but also steeling them in place. "i'm not letting you leave," she told her firmly, her grasp strong but not painful. "not like this," alex's jaw tenses. her gaze never leaves sara. "you don't have to tell me what's wrong, but you also don't get to walk out of here like this," her tone isn't accusatory or unkind but it is matter-of-fact.

sara.

"look danvers i like you, i do but i'm gonna need for you to let go of my hand." her heart is screaming at her but sara is doing everything possible in order to ignore it. all of her muscles tense up as she pulls away once again. "i'm not interested in having a heart to heart or whatever you're expecting to happen here." her own tone is firm but practically emotionless. quickly shutting down any part of herself that is still feeling anything.

alex.

her heart is hammering loudly in her chest. she's worried and frustrated, trying desperately to navigate the still murky waters of emotional connection with someone else. alex isn't an expert by any means; in fact, she mostly feels like she's floundering, but that doesn't mean she's going to give up on sara, either. this time, she grasps her firmly by the wrist, refusing to let her go. "why did you come here, then?" she purses her lips and moved to stand in front of her, the grip on her wrist relenting. "it's okay to need support. whatever happened... let me be there for you."

sara.

she should have really just gone to a bar, human contact without the conversation. deep down sara knows she needs more than that but asking isn't something that she is capable of doing. though the more alex touches her the more frustrated she gets. "because....because i needed to be anywhere else. anywhere that wasn't my earth. with someone who might just understand even a fraction of the sacrifice i made. " sara stops herself before she says anymore. it's already been too much. a cool chuckle escapes her lips as she finds alex standing in front of her. "get out of my way. please. if i have to ask again i won't do it nicely."

alex.

what little she's able to glean from sara is more than enough to paint a blurry but no less helpful picture. something's happened. something big. she can't say what, but it's enough to have completely uprooted sara, and that speaks volumes. abandoning all pretense, alex goes against her instinct to release sara unto the whims of whatever may transpire outside these walls, and she embraces her. it's full and enduring. every ounce of feeling and strength she has is poured into the way that her arms hold her tight to her chest. she doesn't say anything, doesn't react to the virulent pulse of her heart against sara's. she holds onto her like her life depends on it and curls her fingers into fists, catching the fabric of sara's shirt.

sara.

realistically sara could easily get out of this because sadly alex danvers is no match for sara lance yet. the hug though is certainly not something sara was expecting. from what sara had observed alex didn't do this kind of thing and that's why she chose to come here. if she wanted hugs and sappy crap she would have gone to see kara. they're equally messed up in different ways, something sara can identify with. something she thought alex would understand. her muscles are almost rock hard from tension, her heart feels as though it's going to beat out of her chest despite her best efforts to calm down. this is close, too close. alex can feel her pain now, it's wrong. all wrong. surprisingly though sara doesn't pull away but it doesn't take some time for her to reciprocate the embrace. finally her own arms wrap around alex. her fingers clutch her shirt as if they're holding on for dear life.

alex.

for a while, alex is left standing on her own. it's an odd feeling to sit with, feeling the tense nature of the body she's holding, but she doesn't back down. the moment she feels her heart beating, she knows she made the right decision. "sara, whatever happened to you," she murmurs softly, her lips adjacent to her ear. alex's chest tightens with emotion when she feels sara's arms move around her. "i'm sorry... you've been through so much. but listen to me, sara, you're not alone. let me take care of you. whatever you need. i'm here for you. i've got you," the last words are punctuated by the gentle nuzzle of her cheek into sara's shoulder. true to her word, her embrace never falters. "i'm here."

sara.

"that's the thing though danvers i'll always be alone." the hardest decisions always fall to sara. sara alone has to make the greatest sacrifices. she is the one who has to lose in order for everyone else to win. even when sara is close to someone she is a million miles away at the same time. especially now. she hears the words but doesn't listen to them. if she did then maybe she wouldn't hurt so much right now. all sara feels right now is pain and burden. she lied when she said she was willing to accept that this was how time was supposed to be. she desperately wants to drive a knife through darhk's heart. no woman should suffer at the hands of men sounds like a load of bullshit now. with an uneasy breath sara begins to pull away. "you can let go now danvers."

alex.

alex feels a discomfort less at the situation and more at the way she's handling it. she's terrified of saying something wrong, doing something worse. hearing sara and drawing back to look at her, she decides on a compromise. she'll let her go, but she'll take her hand again as collateral. "stay here. please," where before it had been a demand, now it's more imploring. "you don't have to be alone tonight." it's all she can do. she hates to think that sara is left with alex as her source of comfort, as inexperienced as she is, but she also figures if this is how it's going to be, then she's going to give everything she has.

sara.

"fine." exhaustion has been setting in for quite some time; both physical and emotional. sara doesn't have the energy to fight alex off anymore. she came her for a reason after all even if she can't admit it to herself right now. "so..."

alex.

"so," alex echoes the word with a soft expression. "aromatherapy," the word is spoken somewhat teasingly, though she herself does enjoy the effects of lavender and like-scented smells. "giant bathtub, water jets, the works." she rolls her lips together and arches an eyebrow. "there's a reason only kara knows about this tub. i can barely get her to stop coming over." alex rolls her eyes and starts for the master bathroom, indicating to sara to follow. as soon as she's in there, she starts get draw her bath, letting sara choose the temperature she preferred.

sara.

"aromatherapy." low, quiet. of course she can never escape her past. it was one of the very few things that was somewhat okay during her time with the league. after training for 12 hours everyday the only relief she could get was when she had a long soak. merely nodding sara follows alex into the bathroom. "hot please."

alex.

virtually all of alex's bubble bath scents are for anti stress or anxiety. she likes to say because she enjoys them, but it's more out of necessity. all of them are more subtle scents because she can't stand the overpowering ones, so she goes with one that's largely lavender and jasmine. once she's finished, she steps back, meeting sara's eyes for a moment. "i'll leave you some clothes outside the door. take as long as you need." her words hang in the air as though she doesn't know what to do with them before she starts for the door.

sara.

"okay." soft, broken. sara doesn't wait for alex to leave the room before she starts undressing. alex has seen most of it before anyhow. sara doesn't have to deal with the shock when someone new sees all of her scars. her clothes pool on the floor and sara pauses. turning back to alex sara briefly reaches for her hand. "thanks." it's simple, sad but grateful.

alex.

alex stops when she hears sara move, feeling her hand grasp hers. she meets her eyes, a soft expression resting on her features as she gave sara's hand a gentle squeeze. "of course," she smiles a little, reluctantly releasing her hand. after the door is closed, she gathers some clothes for sara to sleep in when she's finished with her bath. alex then gathers a blanket from a closet, still folded, and sets it on the couch before she settles down with her tablet to read. all the while, she listens out for sara in case she needs anything.

sara.

time passes, sara isn't sure how long. the water is cold by the time she finally gets out of the tub. slipping out sara grabs a towel and quickly dries off. she wraps the towel around herself so that she doesn't scar alex when she opens the door to grab the clothes. luckily they're both the same size; sara just fills out the arms a bit more. she does her hair up in a tight bun before slowly making her way into the living room. sara sits on the couch opposite alex and finally decides to speak. "you're not sleeping on the couch danvers."

alex.

for as long as sara is in the bathroom, she's on edge.  there's so many thoughts swirling in her head, so many questions unanswered.  alex knows she can't (and won't) ask them, but that doesn't stop her mind from racing.  she realizes early on that she's not actually absorbing the content she's attempting to read.  so, she gives up, despite keeping the tablet in her lap.  she startles when sara opens the door but doesn't look up, knowing she's retrieving the clothes she left.  it's not until sara joins her on the couch that she moves, closing the cover of the tablet to look at her company. "neither are you," she counters, one eyebrow lifting as though daring her to object.

sara.

"fine, we'll just sleep in your bed then." there's nothing sexual about it, just rolls off the tip of her tongue. sara could fight her for the couch but why? the bed would be much more comfortable for the both of them. besides sara is slowly starting to loosen up. not much but she isn't on edge as much as she was earlier.

alex.

"we?" alex looks totally taken aback. part of her is worried sara's gotten the wrong idea about her, that she's trying to take advantage of the situation or something similar. "no, i didn't- that's not what i meant at all," she backtracks, clearly panicking despite her best efforts not to. "you take the bed."

sara.

"breathe danvers." finally she lets out a small chuckle. "you can put a pillow between us if that'll make you more comfortable. you're not gonna get any sleep on the couch and i'm not the one who has to work tomorrow." apparently she is talking again as well it probably won't last long. "unless you're not comfortable with that."

alex.

"no," she rolls her eyes, scoffing softly as she tries to collect herself. "of course i am. i just... nothing. that's fine. if you're okay with it." she smiles a little and sets her tablet aside. alex rises to stand, giving sara a humored look before she starts for her bedroom. it's late, anyway, and normally she'd already be asleep. "are you one of those people who has a certain side they have to sleep on?"

sara.

"you don't look like you're gonna jump my bones tonight so yeah i'm fine with it." a casual smirk as she follows alex's movements. letting her lead though of course. sara shakes her head. "no i'm easy. i don't normally chose a side on the floor." most nights sara sleeps on the floor, it's just easier. no one knows this though except for alex now. a little tidbit as a thank you for taking care of her.

alex.

"last thing on my mind, actually," she confesses, and she does genuinely mean it. alex is much more concerned with taking care of sara and making sure that she's all right than whatever her hormones having going on. her comment about the floor raises suspicions, but she doesn't pry. she doesn't see the use in it, not now. "careful. i've been told i have the most comfortable bed in the world," she jokingly brags before moving to her usual side which is away from the window. nudging off her house shoes at the side of the bed, she climbs in and pretends like her heart isn't racing, despite everything she just told sara.

sara.

"it'll be a miracle if i can string more than two hours of sleep together. if that happens then i'll compliment you on your choice of mattress." she is teasing now a little, feeling slightly more human again. sara crawls into bed next to alex in the empty space beside her. staring at the ceiling sara doesn't bother to look at her. "you should get some sleep danvers."

alex.

"weirder things have happened," she maintains with a smile before switching the lights off. alex gets comfortable, laying with her back to sara initially (and solely because she didn't want to make her feel uncomfortable). feeling someone lying next to her and knowing that it's sara is oddly comforting. she nuzzles her cheek into her pillow and licks her lips, the urge to flip over just to look at sara, to make sure she's really there (and alive), overwhelming. eventually, she can't fight it anymore, so she carefully rolls over, looking without saying anything.

sara.

sara has already rolled over onto her side. it's easier to fake sleep when the other person can't see what you're doing (or not doing in this case). bring her knees up to her chest sara curls up under the blanket. when sara hears alex turn over she pays no mind to it. it's been a very long time since sara has shared a bed with anyone (no the queen of france doesn't count).  it's strange but oddly satisfying at the same time.

alex.

her heart's beating a million miles a minute.  the urge to reach out and touch her solely for the sake of holding her is inescapable. all she needs is the courage to do it. with her heart in her throat, she swallows, right hand curling into a fist before slowly unfurling as she reaches out. she drapes her hand just barely against the space above sara's hip, testing the waters, making sure this is okay. she doesn't do anything more until she's certain sara isn't unsettled by the uncharacteristically bold gesture.

sara.

this is a new side to alex, a bolder one that sara hasn't seen before. it's intriguing to say the least. she doesn't flinch as the hand is placed on her body even though she expected to. perhaps sara is more relaxed than she is giving herself credit for. maybe it's being in alex's presence that is affecting her so much. in order to not scare her off sara remains silent hopefully it's enough to let alex know that she is okay with where this is going.

alex.

alex doesn't even realize she's holding her breath, waiting for sara to react one way or another. it isn't until she isn't shrugged away that she exhales softly through her nose. while the steady pounding of her heart remains, she gathers a bit more courage in this venture. she dares herself to follow through, if only because she so desperately wants sara to know that she's here and she's cared for. moving to press the front of her body to sara's back, with her arm draped warmly around her waist. it's incredibly intimate but not uncomfortable, for alex at least.

sara.

sara patiently waits for what's about to come next - if anything. there is a large difference between sex and physical intimacy. while sara is an expert in one she is severely lacking in the other. it isn't hard to tell which is which. it's a brave step for both of them it seems. again as alex moves towards her sara doesn't flinch. a contented sigh can be heard once they are finally touching - so close. slender fingers reach up and interweave themselves with alex's.

[ END. ]