Sex Tape
Title: Sex Tape Pairing: Akira Kurusu/Ryuji Sakamoto Rating: M (implied sexual content) Word Count: 3712 Summary: futaba gets a hold of some compromising information and it all goes downhill from there (chatfic)
Fucking i dont even REMEMBER how we got to this conversation in the pegoryu discord server BUT WE DID and we semi rpd this whole thing at 11pm all the way through midnight and i was writing this thing based on that conversation at like 2 am so im actually very embarrassed but anyway enjoy this fucking chaos of a fanfic
READ IT ON AO3
GROUP NAME: ✨ PHANTOM THIEVES ✨
MEMBERS: Capable Leader™, -` RYUJI ´-, ANN~, Yusuke K., Makoto, [hacker voice].
TODAY 00:47 AM
[hacker voice]: Gee, futaba, what do you do with all your amazing hacking skills?
[hacker voice]: I leak government secrets, destroy anonymous organizations and hack into my old neopets account because I forgot the password and I wanted to feel nostalgic
Makoto: What’s that?
[hacker voice]: children’s website. You had to adopt a “neopet” and raise it kinda like a Tamagotchi. It had some really fun features like games and events and shit. It really kept me entertained when I was younger
[hacker voice]: comfort site, if you will.
Makoto: Sounds nice!
Capable Leader™: you played that? I thought it was really boring when I tried
[hacker voice]: with all due respect wtf is wrong with you?
Capable Leader™: I dunno, all the neopets looked kinda ugly…
[hacker voice]: you have a dick with tentacles as a persona and you’re calling neopets ugly????
Capable Leader™: I never said Mara was pretty
[hacker voice]: point taken
[hacker voice]: but like my point is
[hacker voice]: kacheeks
Capable Leader™: They were kinda cute but I abandoned one for a soy sauce or whatever was that dragon one
[hacker voice]: that’s it
[hacker voice]: that’s where I draw the line
[hacker voice]: you’re dead to me
[hacker voice]: I’m leaking your nudes
Capable Leader™: WTF?? HOW DO YOU HAVE THEM?? I DON’T EVEN HIDE THEM IN MY PHONE ANYMORE??
[hacker voice]: oh my god you actually have nudes?
Capable Leader™: oh…
Capable Leader™: woops…
ANN~: knew it
ANN~: @ -` RYUJI ´- pay the fuck up
-` RYUJI ´-: wtf? WTF??? WTF AKIRA???
-` RYUJI ´-: WHY DO YOU HAVE NUDES??
-` RYUJI ´-: ARE THEY YOURS OR LIKE NUDES YOU RECEIVED?
Capable Leader™: Listen
[hacker voice]: update I got them
Capable Leader™: do you really?
[hacker voice]: four of them were taken on the same day cause your nails were painted black and the other two are from a different angle and your underwear has paw prints on it
Capable Leader™: fuck.
-` RYUJI ´-: FOR REAL??
Makoto: Excuse me what kind of nonsense is going on right now?
[hacker voice]: I hacked into Akira’s PC and got his super secret dick pix
Makoto: I expected better from both of you
ANN~: Guys I’m heer im just slaughging so hard I cant se
-` RYUJI ´-: WHY DO YOU HAVE THESE?? WHO ARE YOU SENDING THEM TO??
Capable Leader™: does it matter who I send my genitals to?
-` RYUJI ´-: UH YEAH?? I CAN’T BE THE ONLY ONE WORRIED ABOUT THIS CAN I??
Yusuke K.: What seems to be the matter?
-` RYUJI ´-: AKIRAS BEEN SENDING NUDES TO STRANGERS AND FUTABA GOT THEM
Yusuke K.: Akira I did not know you had nude portraits of yourself
Yusuke K.: You should have informed me. I would gladly appraise them.
Yusuke K.: I would love to paint you too, if you so desire. I’m sure your form is marvelous to capture on canvas.
-` RYUJI ´-: dude…
ANN~: I FEEL BAD THAT IM LAUGHING
Makoto: @Yusuke K. it’s really not what you think…
[hacker voice]: ryuji are you
[hacker voice]: jeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeealous?
PRIVATE MESSAGE: the blonde fuckboy one
the blonde fuckboy one: yo futaba
the blonde fuckboy one: do you actually for real have akiras dick there?
You: YOU ARE I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS
the blonde fuckboy one: stfu
You: yeah I do have akira’s nudes for real, here I’ll send you a sneaky preview as proof
You sent AKIRA_NUDE_1_CENSOR.jpeg
the blonde fuckboy one: oh my god
You: interested in the full, uncensored ver? For a mere fee of 400y you can have it
the blonde fuckboy one: no wtf im not gonna do that to my bro akira
the blonde fuckboy one: but how big is he
You: im speechless
the blonde fuckboy one: is he bigger than me?
You: dunno need material to compare
the blonde fuckboy one: ok
the blonde fuckboy one: wait
the blonde fuckboy one: youre gonna threaten to leak mine too fuck you
You: worth a shot
PRIVATE MESSAGE: Emo Bob Ross
Emo Bob Ross: Hello, Futaba, I am interested in Akira’s nude portraits. Are you perhaps offering them?
Emo Bob Ross: Ryuji did say Akira was sending them off to strangers so I would imagine he has no quarrel with me evaluating it.
Emo Bob Ross: Should I pick them up at Leblanc?
You: I don’t even know where to start
Emo Bob Ross: Any of them would be fine. It would be difficult to take multiple ones to the dorms regardless.
You: I feel bad now
Emo Bob Ross: ?
You: yusuke… you should go to bed…
You: you’re typing a lot please don’t make this into an art rant thing
Emo Bob Ross: Futaba must I explain once again that nude portraits have no perverted undertones and are about the portrayal of the human being stripped of all it’s factors back down to it’s core, thus revealing it’s innermost self? The true self. The self an artist so desperately seeks to represent and very few up to this date have been successful. My eternal search for the perfect and realest form has me in need of diverse- both physically and spiritually – models that are willing to bare their very souls to me. I am not looking at this experience as a lustful, carnal desire. I would never dare take advantage of someone who has been brave enough to let me gaze upon their being so intimately for the sake of art. We have been through this. I have been through this with several people, in actuality, I’m starting to get a little tired of explaining this over and over again but for the sake of deconstruction of societal standards that block my advancement in the unexplored road to artistic perfection I will gladly do so.
You: holy shit
You: im sorry yusuke but its 1 am im just skimming through this
You: the thing is not that I doubt your passion to your study of the arts
You: the thing is that what I have… is not art…
Emo Bob Ross: I’ll be the judge of that
Emo Bob Ross: Not to offend you but I have a trained eye
You: you know what
You: do you have 400y? For that much you can have the digital copy. Physical copy is gonna be at least 600 depending on the material
Emo Bob Ross: I’m low on cash but I’ll keep you in mind if I manage to rake in the money.
GROUP NAME: ✨ PHANTOM THIEVES ✨
[hacker voice]: @Capable Leader™ lets make a deal
[hacker voice]: give me a copy of every nude you make willingly and I wont leak these
Capable Leader™: why tf would I do that
[hacker voice]: cause your dick is magical and I’ll split the spoils 20/80
Makoto: Stop this at once. There’s no way this deal is good news. Akira knows this.
Capable Leader™: I demand at LEAST 50/50
Makoto: AKIRA
[hacker voice]: I deserve more?? I’m doing ALL the work?
Capable Leader™: It’s MY dick??
-` RYUJI ´-: he’s right tho… the dick is like 90% of a man’s identity…
ANN~: Whats the other 10%?
-` RYUJI ´-: the balls
ANN~: I’m sorry I asked
[hacker voice] 40/60 is the MAX im willing to go and that’s me being GENEROUS because I recognize you have magic juju dick pix that already fished in two possible buyers
[hacker voice]: and also youre my friend and I love you
-` RYUJI ´-: I never said I’d buy it???
[hacker voice]: sigh
Capable Leader™: Ryuji…
-` RYUJI ´-: UH
Capable Leader™: Bro…
-` RYUJI ´-: I MEAN
Capable Leader™: If you wanted my nudes…
-` RYUJI ´-: I ALSO ENVER SAID I ASKED FUTABA FOR THEM DON’T GET THE WRONG IDEA
Capable Leader™: You just had to ask…
-` RYUJI ´-: LISTEN I JUST WANTED TO KNOW IF YOU WERE BIGGER THAN ME THAT’S A MAN THING
-` RYUJI ´-: wait really
ANN~: omfg
Makoto: I feel like this conversation is about to get very intimate
Yusuke K.: I would like to request permission to ask for your nudes as well, Akira
Capable Leader™: oh
Capable Leader™: well that’s a surprising turn of events
Yusuke K.: I fail to see how that surprises you considering you know how I am a fan of the erotica genre and it’s artistic disposition to strip a human bare to it’s very core.
-` RYUJI ´-: no dude…
-` RYUJI ´-: like this is not the nude art thing you keep talking about...
-` RYUJI ´-: this is like
Capable Leader™: (implying I’m not art)
[hacker voice]: touché
-` RYUJI ´-: a dick pic
-` RYUJI ´-: like its just a picture of his dick taken with his phone camera that’s it
Yusuke K.: Well, anything can be art! Art is subjective! I would like to evaluate the photograph!
-` RYUJI ´-: LISTEN MAN, AKIRA DIDN’T TAKE THAT PICTURE TO BE ARTSY, TRUST ME.
Makoto: Yusuke I strongly advise against this
Makoto: If anyone online offers to send you “a nude” please do not accept it…
Yusuke K.: It does intrigue me why anyone would simply want a picture of someone else’s genitalia when you could get the full view…
Makoto: remain intrigued
Makoto: not everything in life needs to be understood
Capable Leader™: Hey Futaba, I accept payment in Ryuji’s nudes as well
[hacker voice]: the contract has been sealed
-` RYUJI ´-: WTF AKIRA
-` RYUJI ´-: I DIDN’T CONSENT TO THIS
Capable Leader™: Come on, Ryuji… my bro…
Capable Leader™: This is just a bro thing…
Capable Leader™: Whomst amongst us never seen their best bro’s dick?
Capable Leader™: You’re my best bro, Ryuji… I wanna get to know every part of you…
Makoto: this is a public chat
[hacker voice]: gross
Capable Leader™: The very deep and intimate connection between two bros is nothing to hide, Makoto…
ANN~: You should hang out and deepen your bond
[hacker voice]: don’t think I don’t know what youre doing ann, that’s cheating
ANN~: ;)
-` RYUJI ´-: bro…
-` RYUJI ´-: If you wanted MY nudes bro…
-` RYUJI ´-: you could have just asked, bro….
Makoto: I can’t believe this is a thing that is happening right now
ANN~: ive turned off the TV this group chat is too lit for me to take my eyes off it
Makoto: it’s 2 am we should prepare to bed
Capable Leader™: [MESSAGE DELETED]
[hacker voice]: FUCK
ANN~: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSS IM RAKING IT IN TONIIIIIIIIIIIGHT
ANN~: WAIT WHAT
Capable Leader™: what? I didn’t delete that?
ANN~: FUTABA THATS CHEATING!!
[hacker voice]: YOU CHEATED FIRST! YOU INSTIGATED HIM!
ANN~: I INSTIGATED THE IDEA BUT NOT WHO WOULD BE SAYING IT???
[hacker voice]: HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
ANN~: SAY IT AGAIN AKIRA
Capable Leader™: @ -` RYUJI ´- come over
[hacker voice]: I hate that im partially to blame for this
-` RYUJI ´-: woah akira
ANN~: no bitch no matter how this conversation went it would end the same way cause im ALWAYS RIGHT
ANN~: I’m making it rain Monday morning. I’m taking Shiho to that fancy cake place she wanted to go.
-` RYUJI ´-: isn’t it kinda late for that??
Capable Leader™: I’m alone and Boss doesn’t open shop tomorrow
Capable Leader™: I can show you the goods myself
Capable Leader™: You know?
-` RYUJI ´-: SDSDMX,X CM SALÇ DAÇSD
-` RYUJI ´-: DID YOUJUST BOOTY CALL ME??
Capable Leader™ sent MAYBESO.gif
-` RYUJI ´-: BRO
Makoto: Gross innuendos publicly aside: finally
Makoto: It was getting frustrating seeing you two obviously pinning on each other
[hacker voice]: and don’t even talk about the baton passes…
Capable Leader™: I mean he hasn’t accepted yet…
ANN~: oh he will
ANN~: he better
-` RYUJI ´-: why should you decide
ANN~: cause as your best friend I know whats best for you and I know for a damn fact you will not get a better score than akira
-` RYUJI ´-: thanks I love you too
ANN~: FUCKING LOOK AT HIM! HE’S OFFERING HIMSELF ON A SILVER PLATTER!
-` RYUJI ´-: THIS IS REALLY AWKWARD FOR ME MAN…
ANN~: don’t embarrass yourself in front of your crush like that
Capable Leader™: I like when they get shy
ANN~: oh my god youre such a slut
Capable Leader™: ;)
-` RYUJI ´-: bro…
ANN~: WHAT ARE YOU DOING STILL IN THE CHATROOM GO ANSWER THE GOD DAMNED BOOTY CALL ALREADY
-` RYUJI ´-: IM REALLY NERVOUS OK
ANN~: RYUJI YOU USELESS BISEXUAL
-` RYUJI ´-: GDI
Capable Leader™: you don’t have to come for real it was just a joke
ANN~: wait really?
Capable Leader™: @ -` RYUJI ´-
Capable Leader™: wait is he actually coming??
[hacker voice]: yeah he left 5 mins I traced his phone rn
Capable Leader™: oh fuck…..
ANN~: was it actually a joke??
Capable Leader™: No I just didn’t think I’d actually get this far??
ANN~: YOURE BOTH USELESS BISEXUALS AND I HATE YOU
Yusuke K.: Akira may I join you both? If you’re willing to model for me I will certainly not pass on this opportunity
Makoto: Please don’t.
Capable Leader™: oh my god yusuke
Capable Leader™: not today
Capable Leader™: maybe some other day
Capable Leader™: wink wink
Yusuke K.: I understand. Take all the time you need but please consider my request.
[hacker voice]: I can’t believe Ryuji’s about to get the succ
[hacker voice]: according to my gps ryuji should already be at leblanc??
Capable Leader™: oh he’s here alright. Just nervously prancing in front of my front door.
Capable Leader™: I haven’t called to him yet, let a man be ready
Capable Leader™: (I also don’t know if im fully ready so…)
ANN~: oh grl you got this
ANN~: you’ve been training all your life for this
ANN~: besides its not like hes gonna know the difference between a good bj and a bad bj lol
Capable Leader™: youre right
Capable Leader™: but I also you know, care about him a lot
Capable Leader™: I wanna make this a good experience cause I care about ryuji a lot… like in a very gay way…
ANN~: Aww!! :)
Makoto: I want to take no part in this conversation but that was adorable
ANN~: srsly im talking to ryuji rn on private and hes freaking out cause of the same thing
ANN~: wants it to be really good to you bc he loves you sm and youre so hot and hes already semi just thinking abt you
Capable Leader™: I’m flattered
ANN~: he’s super overwhelmed cause its his first time and with a boy he loves so like admsadsa damn ryuji youre so cute
ANN~: almost makes my cold blooded bitch heart feel something
Capable Leader™: I’ll give him all the time he needs!
ANN~: you should really open the door for him and at least put him inside cause its cold and there was a robbery in your street earlier this week
ANN~: and you know ryuji hell stubbornly stand in front of that store until the sun comes up if hes wallowing in nerves
Capable Leader™: youre right…
Capable Leader™: im gonna go do that…
Capable Leader™: @[hacker voice] if you have any cameras in my room turn them off!
[hacker voice]: for how much?
Capable Leader™: FUTABA, PLEASE.
[hacker voice]: calm down theyre already off. Havent been on since we became friends.
[hacker voice]: just thought youd like to have your fond memories engraved on tape for your enjoyment…
Capable Leader™: …
Capable Leader™: that’s… tempting
Makoto: are you out of your mind??
ANN~: YOU’RE SUCH A SLUT, AKIRA
Makoto: God, you’re hopeless. At least talk it over with Ryuji first.
Capable Leader™: I just did. He’s cool with it.
Makoto: Somehow I feel like this is an oversimplification of the conversation.
Capable Leader™ changed his username to Tapable Leader <3
Tapable Leader <3 changed the group name to AKIRA & RYUJI’S SEX TAPE
Makoto: I’m leaving.
Makoto: Only talk to me when you want to group up from now on.
-` RYUJI ´-: I ONLY AGREED WITH IT IF ONLY ME AND AKIRA GET A COPY!!
-` RYUJI ´-: ITS ONLY FAIR CONSIDERING YOU’RE ALREADY SELLING AKIRA’S NUDES!!
[hacker voice]: I’ll make three copies of the sex tape
[hacker voice]: 600y each
[hacker voice]: first come first serve
[hacker voice]: no reservations
[hacker voice]: you show me the money the tape is yours
[hacker voice]: those are my terms
Tapable Leader <3: even if Ryuji and I get copies there’ll still be one in the wild for someone to buy?
ANN~: isn’t that thrilling tho
ANN~: one other stranger youll never know about can be watching you
ANN~: and if futaba agrees to take down any reuploads of the tape its like your very own secret but like… shared with a stranger… that’s a kink isn’t it??
[hacker voice]: yure right…
Tapable Leader <3: holy shit
Makoto: This is so irresponsible…
[hacker voice]: thought you wanted no part in this?
Makoto: I can’t simply not take part. You guys are worse unsupervised…
Tapable Leader <3: Futaba, it’s a deal if mine and Ryuji’s copies are free of charge
[hacker voice]: fair enough
Tapable Leader <3: nice. We’re going upstairs now.
[hacker voice]: camera’s ready!
ANN~: lmao I cant believe this is actually happening
Makoto: so much for reputable thieves…
Makoto: I swear if this sex tape leaks and we get found out because of it…
Makoto: What’s worse! Akira’s on probation! That will most definitely spell trouble for him depending on who gets their hands on this tape!
ANN~: Guess we have no choice but to buy it ourselves!
Makoto: Or don’t do the sex tape?! At all?!
ANN~: Nothing’s gonna happen, Makoto! Chillax!
ANN~: How can they possibly trace a video of Akira sucking Ryuji off back to the phantom thieves?
ANN~: What kind of evidence even is this?
[hacker voice]: Akira’s jacked??? I didn’t know he worked out that much??
ANN~: he looks really skinny right?
ANN~: did ryuji come with his stupid neon pink and green watermelon bullshit panties?
[hacker voice]: they stopped to talk rn
[hacker voice]: ryujis like flipping
[hacker voice]: asking if akira had done this before
[hacker voice]: apparently akira has sucked “some dicks”
[hacker voice]: AT LEAST TWO ARE FROM HIS CLASS
Makoto: Do you really need to keep us updated?
ANN~: yes
Makoto: sigh
[hacker voice]: @ANN~ ryuji’s wearing the pink underwear
ANN~: god I hate those
ANN~: @Tapable Leader <3 burn them when youre done
[hacker voice]: I hate doing this. This is just like when you’re watching a movie and there’s a unnecessary kissing scene and the entire scene is like 3 minutes of uncomfortable schlepping kissing noises.
ANN~: yeah that must be pretty awkward
[hacker voice]: it is super awkward. Akira owes me one
[hacker voice]: oh my god
[hacker voice]: ryuji scared the crap outta me he legit screamed right now
[hacker voice]: I don’t even need mics for this ryuji’s so loud
ANN~: whaaat? Ryuji? Loud?? Who would have thought…
-` RYUJI ´-: IM SORRY OK IM REALLY LIVID HERE
ANN~: WTF???? WHAT AR EYOU DOING TEXTING US???
-` RYUJI ´-: IDK WHAT TO DO WITH MY HANDS!!
ANN~: YOURE USELESS. I CANT BELIEVE YOU.
Tapable Leader <3: you can pull my hair, its fine
ANN~: HOW ARE YOU TEXTING EVEN??
Makoto: It’s been a while since we got an update.
[hacker voice]: do you want em?
Makoto: No, I simply worry how long this is lasting.
[hacker voice]: it’s gotten to a really graphic point. I’m not even watching anymore, its really really awkward… if you want the full juice you’ll have to buy the tape!
[hacker voice]: oh theyre done
[hacker voice]: they just threw the dirty clothes on the floor and went straight to sleep
[hacker voice]: orgasming must be really tiring…
ANN~: @Tapable Leader <3 @-` RYUJI ´- CONGRATS ON THE SECS!! We’re all really happy for you!! You guys deserve each other, really! If anyone says otherwise I’ll punch them!
Makoto: @Tapable Leader <3 @-` RYUJI ´- regardless of how reckless and utterly stupid this whole thing was, I’m genuinely glad you guys worked it out and are finally being honest with each other. It was awfully unhealthy for the team dynamic to watch you two dance around the issue of your attraction so, congratulations!
[hacker voice]: @Tapable Leader <3 @-` RYUJI ´- im not as good with expressing things as the other girls but im also happy I somehow brought you two together. Don’t worry I wont actually sell the sex tapes to anyone btw
[hacker voice]: (or will i)
ANN~: omfg
[hacker voice]: Yusuke’s typing a lot im concerned
Yusuke K.: I did not fully grasp the concept of what was truly going on in this chat tonight but after extensive research and questioning Ann on certain topics I now understand. Futaba’s attempts at prostituting Akira have somehow led into a nuptial encounter between Akira and Ryuji, the kind of which both parties have been secretly interested in for a long time. I also congratulate you both in your achievement for the act of intimacy born from fondness and admiration is one of the truest forms of adoration our kind have come across. I only wish for more of these enjoyable moments and if any of you would be so kind as to model for me the most beautiful sensation of your endless love I would be very thankful.
[hacker voice]: holy shit
[hacker voice]: just looking at this is making my eyes heavy
[hacker voice]: im going to sleep folks
ANN~: same
ANN~: we have to wake up before ryuji and akira to surprise them at leblanc
ANN~: we’ll bring a congrats on the sex cake
[hacker voice]: I’m in
Makoto: guess it won’t hurt to check on them
Yusuke K.: I would love to discuss this over some cake!
ANN~: deal, then! Good night, thieves <3
-` RYUJI ´-: you fuckers are gonna see some dicks
ANN~: that’s the plan dapper dan
ANN~: now go to bed!
thx for your time i hope you enjoyed it ideas that we did in the rp and i couldnt find a way to put here: > futaba leaks the nudes on the phan site > mishima warns akira of the thing and says he has a nice package > akira gets arrested for publicly posting pornography and akechi recognized him by the dick > "whats wrong with a little dick pic" "its not little" > makoto buys a copy of the akira/ryuji sex tape and resells it at school > mishima buys a copy