Sassy Recap--OUAT--1x08 "Desperate Souls"
I know, it’s been foREVER.
Our story opens in Fairytale Land, where Rumplestiltskin--man not monster--is spinning, and he has a SON. Said son runs in to tell him that soldiers are taking a neighboring girl to be a soldier for the Ogre Wars. A LIKELY TALE.
Also the captain of the soldiers is played by Benny from Supernatural. HE IS A PERV ON THIS SHOW.
Her parents try to stop the soldiers but a mysterious figure called The Dark One stops them using MAGIC. Rumple watches, terrified, as his son notes that he has a birthday in three days and that means they'll come for him, too. I didn't realize that Medieval press gangs were so respectful of the calendar year.
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In OUR world, Mr. Gold is smirking behind the counter when Emma comes knocking in asking if he's there.
"Well, it is my shop," he says smarmily, as usual imbuing each word with significance.
The gist of their conversation is this: Graham has been dead for two weeks, and Mr. Gold is oh-so-sorry, and doesn't that mean Emma should be sheriff now? Emma backs away from that REAL FAST, so Gold just offers to give her Graham's personal effects. He finally convinces her to take two walkie-talkies, for Henry, and tells her that her time with her son is precious.
"That's the thing about children...before you know it, you lose them."
There's something in his face that makes Emma's heart (and mine) twist.
Emma joins Henry at his castle. His castle playground is one of my favorite sets off the whole show. Henry tells Emma he wants to give Operation Cobra because then Regina will kill her too, just like she killed Graham.
"Good has to play fair. Evil doesn't." -- Henry's best line so far.
Regina comes to GLOAT because she is a HORRIFIC PERSON. She tells Emma that she's appointing Sydney Glass as Sheriff and then actually has the NERVE to accuse Emma as being irreverent in the wake of Graham's death? UGH.
Emma is PISSED. She goes home and wrecks MM's toaster, of all things, while listening to hard rock and wearing a very cute brown blouse.
MM is actually calm about the toaster, because she's pleased that Emma is committing to Storybrooke. Mom Energy. Mr. Gold clearly has the same thought, because he shows up to convince Emma to RUN FOR SHERIFF.
"Two people with a common goal can accomplish many things. Two people with a common enemy can accomplish even more," he says. "How would you like a benefactor?"
Emma bites.
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Back in Fairytale Land, Rumplestiltskin and his son, WHOSE NAME IS BAE, CAN WE ACTIVELY NOT, go on the run and then run into ACTUAL BRAD DOURIF, AKA GRIMA WORMTONGUE, who asks them for spare change.
They are almost immediately tracked down by the wicked child-snatching soldiers, who jeer at Rumple's lame foot. OF COURSE Bae has to run his mouth, which leads the captain of the guard to reveal that Rumplestiltskin is "the man who ran," specifically, from the ogre wars, and came home to a wife who couldn't bear to look at him.
BAE (full name: Baelfire) IS SUCH AN IDIOT. HE LITERALLY TELLS THEM HOW OLD HE IS; WTF.
NOW THEY ARE GOING TO TAKE HIM.
Rumple asks what he can do to save his son and the Captain asks him to kiss his boot and DAMN this dude is going to have it coming when Rumple turns into the Dark One.
Speaking of *spoilers*
BRAD DOURIF is back, offering a helping hand.
Rumple tells him he has nothing to pay, and Brad Dourif says that's fine, "I'll be your benefactor."
UH OH.
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Regina gives the most freaking ANNOYING town speeches. She is SO. SMUG.
Emma CRASHES her little appointment ceremony in a great way and faces off against Sidney for THE GREAT ELECTION. Watch out, Tracy Flick.
Back in FTL, Brad Dourif and Rumples are eating gross soup and talking about choices. Brad Dourif tells Rumple that all his problems will go away if he gets power. He needs to steal the Dark One's dagger, inscribed with the Dark One's true name, and THEN ALL WILL BE WELL.
Rumple is too afraid to think of controlling such power so Brad Dourif suggests he JUST STRETCH OUT HIS HAND AND TAKE IT
Sounds hella promising, my man.
In SB, Regina is PISSED. She arrives at Gold's shop--he's looking awfully snazzy today--and he asks if he should "move some things, and make a bit of space for her rage." Sometimes I think they give him all the good lines.
Regina's S1 bob was arguably her best hairstyle. Just like Gold's S1 characterization is arguably his best--you know what, I'm going to try not to be salty.
Some things stay the same, though: Regina is a bish.
woww I missed Emma's bouncy golden curls and beautiful jacket. She's come to Granny's Diner to learn that--
SYDNEY GLASS HAS STOLEN RECORDS ABOUT EMMA HAVING HENRY IN JAIL AND PRINTED THEM ON THE FRONT PAGE OF THE STORYBROOKE PAPER, A FACT HENRY INFORMS HER OF--
The illegality. I'm shook.
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In fairytale land, Rumple is on a TRIP about power and what he could do as the Dark One. Bae, the terrible child actor, must learn that his father wants power, smashed his own knee to avoid fighting in the Ogre war, and that his mother...maybe did run off out of shame and isn't *dead*
Don't worry about that, Rumple assures him. We've bigger fish to fry. Literally. We're going to steal the Dark One dagger from the Duke's castle and all will be ... well.
*eyes emoji*
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Emma confronts Regina in the mayor's office about the records, and Regina spits off this line: "I'm sorry you didn't want people to know you cut his cord with a shiv"
I'm sorry this is a PG-rated show??
They snipe back and forth about the upcoming Sheriff's Debate (timely, I say, 9 years later) and then there's an EXPLOSION. SOMEOnE is playing dirty politics.
Emma helps Regina out of the burning building, Like a Hero, andd Regina is mad about being saved. It's hard being evil and wearing impractical shoes; when the chips are down you might have to hobble along leaning on your enemy. Lessons learned.
Of course, adulation floods in for Emma. "This is how good wins," she tells Henry, though we the audience are uncomfortably reflecting on the fact that her new ally Mr. Gold once set fire to a castle (probably more than one!) in Fairytale Land, just to gain a political Point.
It doesn't take Emma long to draw that connection either, even without the benefit of meaningful flashbacks. A twist of rag soaked in the same sheep oil she saw Mr. Gold using is all it takes. Off she pops to his shop, where he plays the plausible deniability card to the, ahem, HILT, and Emma realizes that she really did make an unfortunate alliance.
.
Speaking of unfortunate alliances, Rumple did it! He got the dagger. It says Zoso on it. Such an uncool name for a dark one. He summons Zoso, who shows up in a dark cloak, so intimidating, except that he says "It's your son's birthday tomorrow" and the word "birthday" sounds very ridiculous in a dark and villainous tone. Rumple kills him, as Brad Dourif told him to, and SURPRISE! The Dark One IS Brad Dourif. Grima Wormtongue strikes again. The twist? The person who kills the Dark One...becomes the Dark One.
But that's something we likely could have guessed.
"WHy me?" demands Rumple.
And Zoso answers-- "Because I know how to recognize a desperate soul."
I will give it to me old show. The moment Rumple's name appears in full on the dagger is one for the...storybook.
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We're onto the climactic debate. Outside the town hall, the people are gathering. Mary Margaret, for one, always has the cutest little vintage hats. Perfect timing, given that she's running into David the Former Invalid, who is putting up posters for the opposition. She scurries away from THAT encounter, stepping into a position of greater moral clarity and strength--namely, assuring Emma that it's worthwhile to have ambitions both for herself and Henry.
Emma, seeing Mr. Gold in the crowd, is not so sure.
Archie is trying to moderate the debate--all his jokes bring in "crickets," heh. Sidney Glass' opening statement is melodramatic and Regina literally is mouthing along word for word. Emma's opening statement is just plain dramatic. She reveals the whole plot by Gold, in front of the town, and apologizes for being complicit in any way. Good news girl! You look cute as hell in your olive dress and Big Leather Jacket.
And the real win? Henry is proud of her for standing up to Gold, reinstates Operation Cobra, and hands her a walkie-talkie.
And the OTHER real win? She got voted in as sheriff. Regina and Sidney come to give way with passive aggressive compliments and pursed lips.
"You didn't pick a great friend in Mr. Gold," Regina smarms. "But he does make a superlative enemy."
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AND OH DOESN'T HE. Back in Fairytale Land, Benny the pervy knight is Getting His at the hands Dark!Rumple. Bae watches the carnage unfold while repeatedly, meekly calling "Papa" and not doing much else with his face or voice.
Chills for the Rise of Rumplestiltskin, though. And chills for the subtle menace of Mr. Gold. He comes to visit Emma in a magenta shirt and a tri-point pocket square. He reveals that Emma acted exactly according to plan.
He knew that she didn't need to just save Regina, she needed to stand up to HIM.
"I know how to recognize a desperate soul," he says, and I Do! Get! a Legit! Shiver!
Emma, and the rest of us, have reason to dread his future called-in favor.