Heartbreaking Memories
I wondered if I should edit this small OS after I had written it, but realized that you all deserve to read this the way I wrote it. It is raw, and it came entirely from the heart.
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Shiva quietly watched Sati fretting across the landscape of Kailasha, not saying a single word, even as She was starting to rage. He understood Her fury, but this was not a time to let it fester. It was not even the time to be angry, but yet, this had to happen. This pain that His Sati was going through had to happen, and it tore at His heart, tore His very essence, as it is. While He would rather shield Her from all pain, Shiva knew well that being Jagadambika also came with that caveat of having to go through all of this, as had been ordained before the very beginning.
"Swami, I want to go to my father's house."
Shiva sighed quietly within, and shook His head, deciding to try and persuade Her from going. He wanted Her to stay, but what had to happen will happen. Sati had seen all the Devas, Gandharvas, Yakshas, all celestial beings, flying past with their families, joy evident in their mien. Being the curious person She is, Sati had enquired from Her elder sister Rohini what festival was happening, and had heard the truth. Now, She was insisting on going to the one place She had not been invited to.
"Sati, I don't think you should go," He said gently. It was not right as well, given that there had been no invitation. Seeing Her looking irritated, He quickly continued, "My love, we have not received any invitation from your father. It would not be correct to go under these circumstances."
"Swami, that is my father's house," Sati responded adamantly. "I want to go and ask him why we were not invited. How can any sacrifice be done without you?"
"Sati, please understand. You cannot go, my love. It is not right to go anywhere when we aren't invited; even if it is to your own father's place."
"Swami, I grew up there, I spent so much time there. Please Swami, let me go. I want to ask why Pitashree did not see it fit to invite You, who are the Lord of all the Universes."
"Daakshayani, how does it matter? Everyone is mine anyway. Even if not offered to me, it is still offered to me," He explained affectionately. "There is nothing in this Universe that is not mine and there is nothing in this Universe that is mine."
"Swami, please do not confuse me with your words. Give me permission to leave. This is about my honour, for that is what You are. I need to ask Pitashree why he chose to exclude you."
"Daakshayani," Shiva sighed and got up from His position, knowing She had decided to be stubborn, given the mulish expression that adorned Her charming face. Even that expression was enhanced due to it being visible on Sati's moon-like face, He thought, walking towards Her and holding Her by the shoulders, gently kissing Her forehead.
"I will send Nandi and the Ganas with you," Shiva said quietly, hugging Her once, His heart thudding within Him. He could only hope now, for what was written could not be undone.
***
Shiva froze, when He felt a shot of energy enter Him. He sat up straight, closing His eyes as He felt Sati's fury of destruction enter Him. He realized that Daksha had pushed Her too far, and the raw energy in Her form had awakened, now taking a lesson of almost everyone there. He could feel His limbs trembling, and He gave in to it, for this was His Sati.
For Her, anything would He do.
He could feel Sati's Aadi Svarupa, that of Sarvaloka Aadi Shakti, growling in fury and talking, but all He could sense was pure numbness from within Him. Tears sprung in His eyes, as He knew the tragedy that was about to happen, and yet was helpless, unable to prevent it. This was Her Leela, and it would be wrong to interfere.
In a flash, flames enveloped His Sati, and Shiva felt them envelop Him as well. He allowed the burning fire to dance around Him, as He felt His Sati's energy return to Her Mula tattva, and Her body collapse.
His chest was filled with the horror of what His soul had witnessed, and He felt a cry tear from within Him, a new feeling to Him. He opened His mouth, His howl of pain tearing the fabric of the Universe He Himself had created, as tears slowly made their way down His cheeks, as He felt His other half leave Him in the form of Daakshayani Sati, dissatisfied with the father She had chosen.
"SATI!"
His wail had caused the Universe to tremble, caused planets to move off their axes, turned Universes upside down, and yet, all He could do was let out painful bellows, one after the other. His Sati had left Him, and nothing could ever be the same again.
*****
This memory was the first one that had filled Shiva the moment those beautiful eyes fell on Him. The young woman of barely thirteen, yet entirely Aadi Shakti, now stood next to Her father. Those dark orbs that were beyond any Universe now gazed at Him with a resplendent devotion that His heart's strings tugged hard. He knew who She was, for She had always beem Him more than He Himself was. Her lively gaze, the soft smile on Her lips, and the awestruck expression on Her face reminded Him of Sati, heartbreakingly so. And yet, there was an entirely new aspect to this form of His Shakti, one He felt He would see as time went by.
Shiva steeled Himself. This was going to be a hard journey, for Parvati and more so for Himself.
'Your pains will be mine, and all the fruits will be Yours, Uma. For You, I will do anything.'
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