nightmares
satsuki is a woman with indomitable strength and willpower, but it hurts to see her suffering in silence when the one thing that gets her the most haunts her dreams she refuses to speak of ft. satsuki kiryuin
— THEMES: comfort fluff, nudity (satsuki), reader is gender neutral and never described, mentions of ragyo, implied abuse, spoilers!
It went without saying that Satsuki Kiryūin was a strong young woman.
She was resolute and determined in all that she did, biting back at those who dared cross her or her plan of action without mercy with a steeled expression that refused to waver regardless of what stood in her path. She carried herself with grace and elegance that went unrivaled and handled her blade with a clear intent to use it if need be and understanding of how to handle it. At the age of eighteen, not only was she the head of Honnōji Academy’s Student Council, but governed the entirety of Honnō City. Whether it was out of terror for the consequences of going against her or pure loyalty, the students stood alongside her. Even the most influential people around the world cowered in her mere presence and bowed in respect, knowing the repercussions of disrespecting a member of the Kiryūin family whether they thought they were in earshot or not. Many shivered from the raw power she exuded, and the addition of her Kamui only heightened that. No one dared to cross her unless they had a death wish, and even the ever reckless Ryūko Matoi understood that. Satsuki was also strategic, dangerously so, and didn’t toss herself into situations and battles she had no chance of winning. There wasn’t a doubt that was heightened by Inumuta’s talent of finding information and his spot in the Intelligence and Strategy Committee, but she had a natural talent for it. She was brilliant and calm in the face of danger and refused to let anyone rattle her or question her beliefs. That was what made her a terrifying enemy.
Satsuki Kiryūin would never kneel to anyone, but nothing scared her more than her own nightmares.
Ever since the two of you had gotten serious with your relationship and slowly earned the trust of the Elite Four, sharing a bed became common. It was her suggestion to do so after you stayed until the moon floated high in the sky. She easily could have sent you home with some guards to make sure you stayed safe or gone herself as she was incredibly strong herself, but she didn’t. She wanted you there and the thought of going home didn’t stay for very long. Satsuki, despite being surrounded by the idea that she should wait until marriage to do such a thing, had no qualms about going against that and happily wrapped the blanket around the both of you. In fact, she seemed to scowl at the thought of following it. You were quickly welcomed in her home whenever her mother wasn’t around, and when she was, the property abruptly became off-limits. It was definitely bizarre, but when she opened up, you understood and didn’t push it despite the hot anger bubbling in your veins. Eventually, you opened up your home to her, too, when she expressed an interest in it and your bed became both of yours. It often felt empty without her there and it became unusual to not have her laying beside you at least a couple times throughout the week. I want you close to me at all times, she told you the first night you were there. Her words sounded like she dubbed herself as your own personal bodyguard, but you knew what it wasn’t what she meant. I want you somewhere close where I can keep you safe.
It was no surprise that her bed was luxurious, from the bed frame to the pillows, and absolutely massive compared to your own. It was lined with silken sheets that no doubt cost more than what you could make in your entire life and a number of pillows that were far too many for one person, but alluringly soft that not even moments after you rested your head you were out like a light. As a No-Star, the lavish lifestyle she grew up with was a bit hard to get used to at first and wasn’t anything like what you were used to. Anything you wanted could be served to you as you desired it and with a simple command, but the only thing you wanted was to spend time with her. It was much different from life at the bottom of the metaphorical barrel and she seemed to understand that, willing to accommodate you as you saw fit if it meant you were comfortable. Moonlight poured through the massive windows and the sheer curtains and perfectly framed her sleeping figure. Her cheek would rest against the pillow while the skin from her shoulders and down was covered by the soft blanket that was wrapped around the two of you like a cocoon. Her breathing was slow and relaxed and left behind the stoicism she wore like a veil for the next morning, slender fingers gently curled around yours but with no strength behind them. The beauty of it all often made you forget how lifeless and barely decorated her bedroom was.
It wasn’t very often that something would happen and so every night that went without it was a luxury. She spoke of it so infrequently that you would have thought she didn’t have any nightmares at all if you hadn’t been there and witnessed it firsthand. When they reared its ugly head, however, you were there for her the entire time. Your mind was foggy and still trying to adjust from the abrupt awakening that tore you out of your dreams, but she was the center of your attention. Seeing your normally composed girlfriend so distressed was heartbreaking and you felt helpless when there wasn’t anything you could do to help. It was hard to watch her suffer like that, in silence especially. Each night it happened and you woke her up from the dreams that plagued her, she would shoot upwards and hold her hand to her sweaty face. Her chest would rapidly rise and fall with each quivering breath as she slowly grasped at her usual composure and grounded herself in reality. Realizing you were awake and had caught her, Satsuki would try to play it off and apologize for disturbing your slumber as if she hadn’t just woken up in a panic. She acted like nothing happened at all and attempted to keep it that way, but you could see that it still bothered her by the way she would stare into nothingness and drag a nail down her arm or stomach as if she was tracing a scar.
“It’s nothing,” she would say and lay back down. She would lean over to press a kiss to your head as if it would ease your concerns before tucking the blanket beneath her chin. “Don’t concern yourself over it. Get some rest, my love.”
It sounded harsh and if you two weren’t as close as you were, you would have surely taken offense to it, but you knew it was her way of trying to wash your worries away and leave the topic alone so you barely bat an eye to it. That was the end of that conversation and if she didn’t want to speak about it, she wouldn’t and there was no reason to try when it would only result in you running in an endless loop of circles. Satsuki was stubborn like that, even to you, and that could sometimes be a frustrating quality of her when used against you. You didn’t push at it and your mind, tired and losing its grip on coherence, didn’t have the energy to try or remain awake for much longer. Your concern stayed with you until the morning, but you were willing to wait as long as it took until she was ready to open up. Given it was her of all people, it would most likely take some time until she finally would and you tried to assure her that you were someone she could go to. She knew that perfectly well, she would reassure you this time, but it was just a silly dream. You both knew that wasn’t the exact truth, but her lips were sealed between the rim of her favorite teacup. You could only wonder how long it would take until she was ready to step out of her silence and confide in you.
Unfortunately, tonight was no different. Her fingers dug into the sheets that were bunched in her hands with a strength that would have been impressive if it wasn’t overpowered by your worry. At some point, she had ripped it off of you but that was the last thing on your mind right about now. Even Junketsu, nailed against the wall and framed like some gnarly painting so he wouldn’t go anywhere or do anything, noticed something was wrong with her. It had become used to the occurrence in its rarity, but sometimes it would snap its eyes open and watch its usual wearer cower within the confines of her bed. There wasn’t an ounce of concern—a vicious thing like Junketsu didn’t feel concern; only an insatiable thirst for blood—but it was curious in the most morbid of ways. You would often shift on the bed to block the Kamui’s gaze and had to do so again tonight, only to feel it pierce through you like Secret Sword Bakuzan’s blade. Eventually it disappeared as it went back to its slumber when it became bored and realized it wouldn’t get to see a thing with you in its way. Sweat formed along her forehead and her eyes were squeezed shut, her head tossing and turning each direction. For a moment, you were worried she was going to tear the blanket in two with how tight she was holding onto it. Whimpers fall from her lips and such a sound is so foreign that you don’t recognize it’s coming from her until you hear it again.
You reach over and gently shake at her arm and whisper her name, repeating the actions a few times over until it seems to have worked and you jolt back just in time. Her eyes snapped open to stare up at the ceiling for only half a second and it takes you a moment to process how fast she had whipped herself up until she’s sitting. The blanket slipped from over her body and folded itself across her lap, the hold she had on it long gone. One arm rested itself across her propped knee and the other hand was over her eyes, slightly moving to wipe at the sweat that formed. Her breathing was ragged and shallow until she swallowed harshly and cursed under her breath. When the skin that’s over her face is finally lowered, blue eyes lock with yours and she pauses. She sighs through her nose and turns away from you with her hair unintentionally used as a wall blocking off the sight of her face. You freeze at this and blink owlishly at the back of her head. She’s never done that before, you minutely think. She crossed her arms across her bare body for a hug, and you would have eyed how radiant she was in the moonlight if you weren’t so concerned. It usually made her so comfortable to sleep without anything on and so you accepted it, no matter how flustered it may have made you. Considering she wore a Kamui that exposed almost all of her, you supposed a single pair of eyes wouldn’t bother her.
“Satsuki,” you whispered. “It’s okay. You’re okay.”
“I know,” she replied, but it doesn’t sound as confident as you know she’d want it to be. “I’m sorry. I just need a moment.”
You nod in understanding and hum, even if she wouldn’t have been able to see it. Eventually, you ask, "Do you want to talk about it?”
You don’t expect the answer you want. You never do and at some point you’ve become okay with that. You prepare yourself for it, but pause at what you receive instead:
“They’re usually about my mother-” Your attention perks immediately and she slowly shifts to face you on the bed. Her gaze lingers on anything but your face and prefers to stare at her hands that ball into fists in her lap. If she notices your surprise, she doesn’t say anything and continues instead. “-and what she’s done to me since I was a child. They’re more like flashbacks than dreams, and it’s all so vivid. God, she’s despicable,” she spat with thick, furrowed brows and a scowl. “One day, I’ll make her pay for what she’s done, but...it was different this time. It was about my sister.”
You couldn’t count how many times her sister had been brought up because it was so rarely that it was like the conversations themselves didn’t exist, but you remembered them quite well. The two had barely met as they were both so young, but it was clear the deceased child unknowingly held a dear piece of Satsuki’s heart like you did. A soft expression graced the young woman’s face at the mention of her and her fist uncurled slightly. The hate and disgust that was formed dissipated instantly with such care mixed with grief that it squeezed at your heart to see the woman you loved so hurt. You reached out and took her hand in yours and gave it a gentle squeeze that was reciprocated. Her thumb rubbed over yours and you figured the touch was comforting for her because the tension in her body slackened until it was gone altogether. She leaned forward until she was leaning against you with her head on your shoulder and her warm breath ran across the skin of your throat. You had to hold in your shiver, but she must have noticed because a grin etched onto her lips for only a second. You released her hand in favor of curling it around her body and holding her close until you could feel her chest press against yours. Her fingers clawed into the cloth of your sleeves and you could vaguely feel her nails graze your skin.
“She was right in front of me in a little blanket,” Satsuki continued in a much softer voice. “But no matter how much I ran towards her, she just got farther away and there was nothing I could do.” The grip on your arm tightens and it almost hurts, but she quickly eases her grip. “And then Mother is holding her and tosses her out like she’s garbage. She was just a baby.”
“The old bat—” A chuckle rips itself from Satsuki at the name you’ve given your mother, but she’s in tune with what you have to say. “Won’t get away with this, alright? We’ll take her down. You, me, the Elite Four, you name it. You’re the strongest person I know. I know you can do this, and I’ll be right by your side the entire time.”
Satsuki paused for a long moment and drew back enough for her to be still laying against you but so the two of you could make eye contact. By the way she didn’t separate very far from you until she was both comfortable and able to see your face, it didn’t seem like she wanted to move any farther than she needed to, and you can’t blame her. You didn’t want her to move, either, and you had to use all of your willpower to stop yourself from pulling her back against you. She doesn’t need to say a word for you to know what she’s thinking by the way her brows raise and her lips part slightly: Your conviction is strong. I like that. You’d be lying if you said it was easy to read your girlfriend even after so long of being together, but you know that impressed look when you see it. Eventually, her lips quirk upwards and form one of her ever rare smiles that are exclusively meant for you. Not the one that’s treading on the line of becoming a smirk or actually does, but a true, genuine one that makes your heart skip a beat every time you see it and add another reason for why you fell in love with her in the first place. Maybe it’s a good thing she’s not laying on you anymore because she would have no doubt felt it, but you’re given little time to think about that for any longer as Satsuki leaned forward until her forehead rested against yours and you could feel her breath against your lips.
“Thank you,” she eventually whispers and allows her eyes to flutter shut. She looks a lot calmer than she did before, you notice. Still a little tense, but you’re not surprised and instead thankful that you were able to help this time around. “I’ll hold you to that,” she adds with a hint of playfulness that has you chuckling.
“You know I’ll be in your corner every step of the way. Now...Need some tea? I can wake Soroi up if you need a cup.”
Half of that’s a joke because you know she doesn’t actually care for it, and yet she drinks it until there isn’t even a drop of it left in her porcelain teacup. You’re barely able to make it halfway without forcing yourself to chug it. It’s not bad; it’s not great; it’s alright. Lots of love was obviously put into it and it was definitely a high-quality brand, but it was too bitter and surprisingly strong. Even when you put something in it to appease your palette, it didn’t seem to help all that much, but you weren’t willing to break Soroi’s heart when he meant well and was trying his best. The help that isn’t playful knows that, despite its taste, it’s a genuine help and that she typically would have some before going to bed as it eased her nerves. She doesn’t seem to pick up on the joke as if she does, she doesn’t express it. You don’t blame her before she looks as exhausted as you feel. Satsuki reclined back against the horde of pillows that you could accidentally suffocate yourself in if you weren’t careful and pulled you down with her by your arm, nimble but worn fingers dancing down your skin until she takes your hand in hers. Your head ends up landing along her breasts—whether or not that was intentional, you aren’t sure, but you’re certainly comfortable and she looks like it, too—that were concealed by long locks of dark hair that seemed to rest perfectly along the bare skin. You can faintly hear her heartbeat between the shuffling of cloth until it’s pulled over the both of you.
“No, that won’t be necessary. This is perfect.”
© cryo-regalia, all rights reserved. do not edit, translate, or repost my work.
