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Dream Interpretation #1

I had an interesting dream last night and instead of logging it in my dream journal like I usually do, I thought I'd share it with you if you're into that kinda thing. I want to give a little background to my experience with dreams and dream interpretation, but you can skip to the "***" if you just want to read about my funny dream, which will also be followed by my own interpretation.

Preface

I consider myself to be spiritual, but like woo-woo spiritual, not so much religious spiritual. Iykyk. And I have always had intense and vivid dreams that sparked curiosity, revealed truths, and inspired my imagination. At a young age, I decided to write them down so I could remember them a little better and maybe get something from them. At first, I just wanted to use events from my dreams for stories because I like to write, but a deeper curiosity of why I was having these dreams began to surface. Before I knew it, I had a Dream Dictionary from a witchy section at a Barnes & Noble and instead of just writing about my dreams to write about them, I began recording my dreams with intent to decipher them.

Writing about my dreams quickly became a way for me to connect with my subconscious, as I believed that my dreams were just way for my subconscious to connect with me. I’ve often had dreams that quite literally showed me things about my future. Some of my dreams were meant to help me cope with trauma, some even give me perspective on situations I face, or even give me insight on someone else's situation.

Long story long, I have been interpreting my dreams for over half my life and it has helped me with my mental health and self-awareness. Perhaps you could benefit by me sharing some of the more intimate moments in my own little world, so if you took the time to read my preface, thank you so much for being here! Please enjoy and feel free to share your thoughts! :D

***

I was standing in a stadium at night with what I assume were a bunch of classmates. When I say a bunch, I wanna estimate that there were a few hundred people in this stadium that felt like it was just floating through space and I think we had auditioned for something and were waiting to see whether our coach assigned us a role or had decided to leave us to be spectators. I was hoping to play a creative role, like singing during sports events or dancing on the space/dream-land-high-school POMS Squad. Lots of people were being assigned to fill roles on our athletic teams while others would be in band, cheerleaders, bookworms of various niche topics, etc. Just like actual high school, except, we didn't have a lot of choice in what we would do here.

I watched the crowd of people around me fade away and line up on the other side of the space stadium as each person received their role. I didn't care when this coach guy would get to me, I cared about what I would end up doing and my hope was thinning just as quickly as this crowd as I watched someone else get to be the singer. I watched plenty others get to be the dancers, the cheerleaders, the artists; the expressive and otherwise vocal ones. Before I knew it, all of the roles I was remotely interested in were filled up. What could possibly be left for me that I cared about?

Finally, our coach walked right up to me and handed me a red flag with a yellow stripe and the tiniest yellow stars on it. He stated I would be our flag girl and I immediately frowned up at him for giving me such a non-role. I'm not even sure if this kind of role exists in real life, why am I getting it in the space stadium?! I can do so much more! Why would he give me this? And also... what is that?

He noticed I wasn’t satisfied, and instantly took it back. “Fine,” he said, “You can be in charge of keeping everyone engaged.”

I was a little confused. If we all had a role to play, why wouldn’t those who were assigned to be in the audience actually commit to their role? And the dancers and everyone else? Why would I need to keep them engaged with what they know they're supposed to be doing? As I pondered why and how and what, Coach gave the flag to someone else who was already assigned a different role, and left me to carry on. It seemed like he was handing this flag to this other guy to just hold it for me and keep an eye on me, so that's what he ended up doing.

Once everyone else had their role, I wandered through the crowd to interact with people who were there to simply spectate. I didn't really know what it meant to keep everyone engaged and it seemed like everyone I talked to was getting less interested in this space stadium thing as I spoke with them. I was lost and just didn't understand and eventually, fell totally silent and once I fell totally silent, all eyes were suddenly on me.

I scanned the faces in hopes to find some sort of hint as to what I am intended to do, but I just didn't know and I became frustrated and confused. I began to get upset and sought out the coach, who was already silently watching me through the crowd with everyone else.

Now, I don't remember what was said if there was anything at all, I think I just became so overwhelmed with the pressure to do something that it eventually just clicked. I suddenly knew exactly what to do. I began to smile and laugh.

"How about let's get this thing started already?!" I exclaimed as loud as I could throughout the stadium and was immediately energized with the overwhelming response. Faces beamed so brightly at me, I would've believed that magical lights turned up throughout the whole space stadium. I ran through the small crowd of audience members, across the stadium to where the rest of the classmates were lined up and in their assigned uniform, ran straight to the guy who was cheering the loudest and waving what was supposed to be my flag at me. He cheered and high fived me the moment that flag was back in my hand, and everyone went wild!

I emerged from the crowd of assigned roles and into the space between them and the audience members, holding the flag high above my head in an attempt to match their volume with how high I could reach. I jumped up and sprinted along the space between these groups of hundreds of people, high-fiving them as I passed them, being carried by their cheerful exclamations. I felt so much relief that I was finally able to fulfill my oddly cryptic role within the space stadium, and it was short-lived.

Then, I woke up.

Interpretation

The idea of being in high school again and being assigned a role there was oddly unsettling at the start. I think I felt this way when I was in my teenage years: like I was supposed to fill this role but never seemed to actually be doing what I felt I was good at or even what I wanted to be doing. I was miserable for a few reasons in my youth, and the social pressure I felt was a big one. Plus, often times when I did attempt to go after something I did enjoy or was interested in, it never seemed to work out or fulfill me in a way I needed. It also didn't help that I was so curious about many things, most of them being creative outlets, and I was limited to one thing.

On top of that, if I didn't get a solo or when I didn't make the dance team, I felt like I was being forced to turn in a different direction. I think I felt like if someone else was already doing a thing and was being celebrated for it, that meant there was no room for me to also excel at that thing or to even try it/continue it. I don't feel this way anymore, but I have been thinking a lot about my role in this world as it stands versus what kind of contribution I want to be making moving forward. I think this curiosity and this frustration of wanting to do more was demonstrated in this dream by being assigned a role that I had never even heard of before and before I even knew or asked what it was, I was turning it down because it wasn't what I was expecting. Honestly, what I want to do with my life has no set path and I think that much autonomy and freedom tends to overwhelm me a bit.

I want to talk about the symbolism of the flag as well. If you remember in the dream description, it was a red flag with little yellow stars and a yellow stripe that ran through it, horizontally. Seeing red in a dream can be associated with great passion, and seeing yellow can indicate a sense of joy and creativity. Additionally, the symbol of the flag itself is heavily associated with one's sense of identity and belonging.

I was given this flag and told to keep everyone engaged because it was my way of feeling like I belonged. By immediately shunning away the flag and interacting one by one with only people who were in the audience, I was failing to fulfill my role. Because I was not embracing my passions and doing what made me happy, I was interacting with others in a way that communicated to them that I was miserable and unfulfilled. Whether they realized it or not, people could tell I was frustrated so much so that there was nothing to even be gained by interacting with me.

I find this really interesting because I really did not talk with many people in school and I was convinced everyone just hated me. But, that wasn't the case. I was insecure, undecided, and depressed and people could feel that, again, whether they realized it or not. I have always loved singing and writing, but I wasn't investing my energy into doing either, even though I would be celebrated anytime I did share those gifts of mine. Even though they would cheer when I would raise that flag.

So, I think it's funny that in real life when I was in high school, I wanted to stand out and be celebrated and here I am in this dream getting frustrated that I am standing out, but inevitably used that to my advantage and ended up being celebrated. My role was to keep everyone engaged with their roles and with each other and all I needed to do was stay committed to what I am meant to do and that was enough for me to connect with and inspire everyone around me.

My 28th birthday passed a little over one month ago, and my astrology girlies will understand this is my Saturn's Return. For those of you who aren't into that shit, it basically means that I am very seriously and critically thinking about what I am doing with my life. If you are in this stage of your life and you are not doing something that fulfills you, it will cause an upset and you will feel immense pressure to make a change.

I have been itching to write and to sing my entire life and am only now growing the balls to actually write and share it with people, which is why you are reading this right now. Very soon, I can share my music with the world, too.

To conclude my interpretation of this dream, I think it was a good way for me to reflect on how much I have changed since high school. I am much more confident and healthy minded. I know there is room for all of us to be good at everything we want to be good at. I also have learned that the most important role I will ever need to fill is literally just showing up as my true and authentic self, because that alone is inspiring for anyone I will ever interact with.

Thank you SO MUCH for taking the time to read and consider my thoughts! Please share any thoughts you may have, follow me, shoot me a message, and maybe we can talk about some dreams you've had as well.

Toodles,

Yesenia