#sb study

[kalibaby]

1 am thoughts

I know this probably goes against everything I established on this website but I’m quite self conscious.

Of course I don’t show it. I hate people seeing me not at my best. Which I have to admit, I’m almost never at my best. At least I’m good at faking it. Anyways, I have an unnatural fear of smells. Like, I’m always scared I’m stinky despite knowing I go through very vigorous routines to make sure I don’t. I know it’s irrational, but yet I’m still unable to overcome it. My anxiety is awful, but I still smile in these men’s faces and touch them and blah blah.

What I’m saying is, it’s hard. It’s hard when you literally freeze when ANYBODY comes close to you in fear of them thinking you stink (it’s irrational but still this is what I go through on a daily.) and going on dates where I have to sit next to them or finally gotta do the ‘boom boom’ is pure hell. I mean, the rewards sure do make up for it but my goodness I shake and borderline cry with others being so close. But they think I’m “feeling it” instead of being literally terrified which I think is a bonus in being a sw. Men have no conscious besides themselves.

Any who. Its 1:30 in the morning and I shaved, exfoliated, skincare prepped, and in bed but I can’t sleep. Haven’t been able to. I also feel guilty I ate a box of 10 whole chicken wings with fries yesterday 😭. In my defense, it was the only food I ate yesterday and I washed it down with OJ and water. But since it’s a new day, I wonder if it’s okay to eat now? But I ate it at about 11:30 and its 01:30... perhaps that’s not enough time. I’ll wait till around 7 am to make my final decision.

This is just me ranting. Anyways I’m signing off and probably will delete this later to not look like a fool 😭😭

[kalibaby]

I can tell the race of these girls just off their post.

Black women tend to post other black women in luxury or peace of mind locations. Others MAY be sprinkled in. They do this to protect what little safety society gives them so, as usual, they create their own space.

Latina’s tend to post other Latina’s, black women, and white women. Their posts also included various fruits, what Donald trump had ****** up this time, and funny memes. Sometimes gets mistaken for black users.

Asian women tend to post white and MAYBE black women. But mostly white. However if they see cute or sexy Asian women they are FIRST to post! Usually flexing currency that’s not American. They tend to post the least.

White women post white women. Others appear every blue moon or so.

Just what I’ve noticed. This is how I kinda get to the know the girls I follow and just to research cultures so that I can understand their backgrounds so they feel they have one more ally/friend. And I’m nosey