#schmeeze

[whodidthisandforwhatpurpose]

The murder of Schmeeze was committed by Drippy. How do I know this? I’m glad you asked.

1) Drippy is the only one that knows that a Puffer Fish can poison a man. He knows this due to his face. He was attacked by a Puffer Fish and, after receiving the antidote to the poison, his face turned into....that.

2) Drippy has been seen carrying a bag of loose change. He says that he likes to carry this bag of loose change because he can either pay for parking or beat someone up with the bag.

3) Drippy has an obsession with Blackberry Jam. He knows where to get large barrels of Blackberry Jam and has been known to bury his head in the jam and need to be resuscitated. He knows that being drowned by this jam would not be pleasant for anyone that is not obsessed with it like he is.

4) His contact lens often falls out due to the way his eyes formed after the Puffer Fish attack. He can only put one in because only one eye is able to open. Even then it is difficult for him to put that contact in and he can never really get it fully in.

5) His shoe laces are never laced correctly because he has a difficult time seeing over his lips and nose.

6) He loves knives, particularly bloodstained ones. He has a collection. It’s gross.

7) The tire tracks are from his golf cart. That’s the only vehicle he’s allowed to drive and golf would be a great excuse to get Schmeeze alone.

8) He wears a size 9 shoe. That one’s pretty self explanatory.

In conclusion, I believe this evidence points to Drippy being the murderer. I hope for all our sakes that he is the one to be executed at dawn.

[my-name-is-daniel-yes]

I cannot stress how long it took me to realize Schmeeze died the same way as Actor!Mark, ajsjdjdjfjdjdhd

[theoneandonlyyeti]

spookums was the culprit and here is why

first of all the bloodstained knife: as you can see spookums has bits of red coloring all over him... coincidence? i think not... its blood... the blood of schmeeze

next the bag of loose change: this man looks like he was going to mug someone- and he did- but then decided to take it one step further by killing schmeeze so he couldnt tattle on him... this bag of change was just a small portion of what he took off of the victim

next, the footprints: here we see spookums.. he looks big enough to bit your head off.. and that thicc neck of his definitely shows signs of being just an enormous person... thus leading us to the size nine shoes.

the shoelace: in the process of escaping the crime scene his size nine shoes got caught on schmeeze’s clothing clips and pulled one straight off his shoe... he didnt have time to go back and get it so he left it there as risky evidence

the contact lense: after getting free of the shoelace that was dragging him down he bumped into the highway sign on his way out... he hit it so hard a contact lens fell out

the pufferfish: after getting all banged up, spookums wanted to curse schmeeze even more, now that he had caused him so much pain... so he took the pufferfish from his pocket and shoved it in his mouth, poisoning the already dying schmeeze

after this he took the shoelace that had already come loose and wrung it around schmeeze’s neck to add another blow to his very slow and painful death... spookums then drove to the nearest pond with schmeeze in the trunk and held him underwater so that he would drown...

that leads us to tire tracks leading to the body: he drove up to the ditch with such force it left tracks deep in the ground and he threw schmeeze out the back into the ditch

then the blackberry jam: this is the most concrete evidence it was spookums... look at his face.. its covered in jam.. to the point where you cant even see the white of his teeth or eyes! its disgusting really but the most solid evidence in the world

conclusion: the killer was spookums and he should pay with his life

[wasted version of spookums by @fischyplier]

[thebandschmeeze-blog]

Fat Baby

We want to extend a very heartfelt thank you to everyone that came out to party with us at Fat Baby. This week has been full of turbulence and uncertainty for many people around the country, and we are overjoyed to have this opportunity to bring together family and friends to have a moment of clarity in a time of great chaos.