Diplomacy: A Cautionary Tale
(Lights up on Hamburg. It lies in ruin. A medieval king stands next to a twenty-first century businessman.)
King: So, go over this with me again. You want all the rest of my feudal towns in exchange for WHAT?!
Businessman: Nuclear weapons.
King: I don’t know what those are. I could offer you some horses.
Businessman: I’ve evolved beyond the need for horses.
King: What could replace a horse?
Businessman: ROCKET CAR.
King: Well, the only other thing we have is a vast body of literary works in our library.
Businessman: What is a “literary?” And how does it work?
King: You know…books? You read them?
Businessman: I’m afraid I don’t understand the question.
King: Well, you know what WRITING is, right?
Businessman: “Writing?” Oh, we never researched that.
King: Then how did you build all of those weapons you slaughtered us with?
Businessman: With metal?
King: I don’t understand what metal is.
Businessman: Then research it.
King: We’ve only researched horses and writing.
Businessman: Well, we’ve only researched science. The boomy part of science. Hence why our cars have to have rockets on them.
King: We’re currently working on chivalry.
Businessman: Not interested. Give me your towns.
King: But I only have Berlin and Munich.
Businessman: Two, seriously?! I thought you had, like, at least four. Welp, guess I’ll just nuke ‘em.
(Several large explosions in the background. The businessman clicks his heels and runs away.)
Businessman: WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!
King: I have nothing.
(Blackout.)
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