I had this odd dream last night - waking up and realizing that it wasn’t real was a surprised.
I had caught lots of frogs from the wild and had to transfer them into containers so they don’t escape. But I only had once container with a not so strong cap. So I stepped out of the room to find another container, but all the frogs had escaped and jumped all over the house. In the sink, in the toilet, on the bed, on the table, EVERYWHERE. I caught each of them with my bare hands - each slimier skin than the last.
I’ve been working with frogs this summer. Experimentally infecting them with parasites and looking at the immunological response produced. In working with these frogs - there is also a lot euthanization involved. Honestly, I feel terrible about it because when I’m necropsying them I need their little hearts to be beating in order to obtain blood from them. I know that although my lab has the protocols and husbandry clearance to be able to work with these frogs - I’m riddled with this sort of guilt. When you raised your experimental animals from it’s infancy, it’s hard not to emotionally invest. I understand why scientist don’t name their animals now. By giving it a name, they are given an identity. And when something has an identity, it’s easier to see it as a living being.
I understand that for the sake of science, we do experiment on animals out of necessity. That there are protocols set in place to ensure the least amount of suffering is inflicted. But what really scares me is that I’ve become emotionally immune as the number of necropsies I do increase. So far - I can’t keep track of how many frogs I’ve euthanized. At least 30 adults frogs and 30 young frogs. I was so terrified when I first began, feeling squeamish as I did the ventral incision and saw the guts spilled out. But unfortunately it has become normal. Making the incision to get to the heart, to puncture the upper atrium and allow for the blood to be pumped out of the heart and sucked up by a capillary tube.
I might have aged 10 years in the past month having to deal with death everyday.