#scrapsfromthejournal

[swas3ka]

Memories (26.07.2020): I can see my memories jumbling up in my head. I can literally see them as I rub my eyes and bygone snippets just crossover each other to create a beautiful montage, changing scenes with every move of my fingers! It's beautiful and timeline is irrelevant. Just moments merging with each other with whichever characters my brain can conjure, shreds of facts amalgamated with fiction giving rise to the most eloquent chaos, I can't help but enjoy it! That's not how it feels on most days though. On most days, it is agitating how I struggle to place each of these memories into their places, in the right time frame, with the right people. But they are little reveries, light and restless, they keep slipping away. I have to put most of my brain cells to work in order to get a better grip of the memories, if need be. But sometimes, I just let it be. Peace and oblivion is indeed two sides of the same coin. . . #scrapsfromthejournal #captainscarface #thebengaliinmeapprovesthisbench (at Buckley Falls) https://www.instagram.com/p/CDO1ca9l4Aq/?igshid=hrxgusuh1vsi

[swas3ka]

Published something on my blog on a topic I had over-thought over a couple weeks back, it's called "Good People Gone Bad" (ngl, I over-thought over the "people" part quite a bit! Both "girls" and "men" sounded much better. Idk, I might change it later 🤷🏻‍♀️) Anyway, go give it a read cause I would LOVE some feedback, the #linkisinmybio Always appreciate overthinking with people that are outside my head! 😬🤐😉 . . #scrapsfromthejournal #captainscarface #loona (at Geelong, Victoria) https://www.instagram.com/p/CDBmigbFD14/?igshid=1o11qq1khpay3

[swas3ka]

19.04.2020 Reality has a intense sense of humour. It will keep repeating it's pattern till you learn the lesson. If someone's action make zero sense to you but it impacts your life in a way that you can't bring yourself to forgive them, then Reality will find a way to humble you down by making you retrace the same path, compelling you to make the same choices so you can empathize better. If you are conscious enough, you might be able to catch the pattern sooner than later and humble up, OR you could spend an eternity deflecting the blame and disguising your actions. We could either learn our lesson, make peace with it and treat it with humility, Or deny it altogether and keep running in the treadmill. That choice ultimately is ours. Control may be an illusion, that is because we have no control over what happens to us from an external front. But we do have all the control over how we choose to react to them. That is the hardest skill that one needs to harbour that no school teaches us. We have to seek these lessons out each day to get it ingrained in our system so we can control our own choices. That is not an easy lesson to learn, and there are no mock tests or simulations for it. Just 3 things: Discipline. Dialogue. Repeat. You know what to do. Make your future self proud with your actions of today. Please. . . #scrapsfromthejournal #resist ✊🏽 (at Belmont, Victoria, Australia) https://www.instagram.com/p/CA4LdWxlud_/?igshid=v3e212bp95j6

[swas3ka]

If I had a Time Machine . . If I had a time machine, I would go to this moment of 2019. No I wouldn't bother me with the details of covid-19, but I might just hint her to the possibility of the then-impossibility. I would mostly try to show her the consequences that I am going through because 2019-me decided to celebrate her pity party a bit too long. I would tell her how it feels to wear procrastination for skin, to have my blood course through it and that it's the beginning of my sin. How fleeing from confrontations will become a habit, a habit I would eventually have to work my life off to curb it. The habit of my brain going periodically numb and my heart beating twice as hard like some offbeat drum I would plead to her to not make it into one, because repeated breakdowns are genuinely no fun. If I had a time machine I'd be reluctant to go to the future. Not because of the pandemic, I'd like to believe I'd get through it. It's more likely that I'd disappoint myself, like I have disappointed my past self. If the future me was staring back at me giving me all these advices so I don't turn my life into a tragedy, I'd think I'm tripping. It's even likely that I wouldn't take myself seriously and think she is just someone who eerily looks like me. Or maybe I don't make it, which is fine, but do I really need to know now? If I had a time machine, I would come to this present. I'd slap the living hell out if myself and tell her that I'm sent from the future me to teach myself how to be content To make use of the only time we have any control of, so I don't resent myself and end up moping and crying for wasting time and repent. I'd remind me of what it means to take action and not just bury myself in words and fiction. Words can change the world when accompanied with action, I know that, but now is the only time when I can actually get it into my system. If I had a time machine, I would live in my present and live it to the fullest and with no regrets. . . #scrapsfromthejournal #quarantinewriting #captainscarface (at Belmont, Victoria, Australia) https://www.instagram.com/p/B_3h6uWFHVF/?igshid=1p5y023qfxtov