when do you feel most human? / raynne, to Émilie
meme archive // selectively accepting // @evirsor @scrics
"Must there be a specific moment?" seems like the right question to ask instead, but that too was something that was a non answer - an easy way out for a much too sincere question. Light eyes met Raynne's and she feels that same rawness, the same tenderness and thinness when one pressed too lightly against a wound.
Like when one pressed their hand against where the Fade met the Veil and where the Veil met the air that they breathed.
"I don't know." is a sincere enough answer, though one that feels equally inadequate "I guess when I sit in the Herald's rest? Before it becomes..." she frowns. Overwhelming "Too much."
There were times where she could simply not be there. When the Inquisitor came down to meet the Chargers, when Asharen played Wicked Grace with other members of the Inner Circle. The room glowed and everything became brighter, more intense, like a hot iron stuck constantly constantly held as a threat against her eye sockets.
It was beyond too much. And yet, still. Émilie smiles, glancing up to Raynne, pulling at the long straight hair behind her ear "It's nice, to be surrounded by so many people that are having fun."
And that they do not care. About anything except drinking. Their own problems. With attempting to convince the particular person beside them at the bar to come with them to their tent, to their room. It was simple, it was nice. The thrum of the guitar and Maryden's voice and songs helped to lull it all into a nice package.
It was good. It felt good that she should hold that choice in her hands. Even if the feeling was overwhelming, even if it all became too much. To choose where she was to feel that. And to be able to leave, if she so wished, for whatever reason, without justification. The feeling of the cold and stark air on her face, on her scars, it was a feeling that she could not truly put into words.
To be able to leave their presence for no other reason beyond the fact that Émilie wished to. Wanted to.
"Being in the healer's quarters is also nice, it's... soothing."
She looks around. The beds were now empty but she knew that by the end of the hour they would not be. It was nice to be able to be there with some people who had no one else, who expected to die alone in their pain and despair. She could not do much for them beyond hold their hand, and sometimes that was more than enough.
"What about you, Raynne?" the mage snorts, turning to the elf with a growing smile "For lack of a better term."