oh my god my friend just sent me this:
mr. and mrs. mark (exclamation and question) were sitting in their living room one evening, watching their three children: the twins, colon and semi-colon; and their younger brother comma. there was a knock on the door and exclamation looked at his wife over his newspaper. "would you get that, darling?" question looked at him questioningly. "are you expecting anyone?" exclamation just shrugged his shoulders. question set aside her knitting and went to the door. when she opened it up, she saw their good friend full stop standing on their front porch. with her was her small son apostrophe, half-hiding behind his mother's legs. "is anything the matter?" question questioned. full stop looked up, her face drawn. "apostrophe keeps trying to possess things that aren't his and i don't know how to make him stop" she said sadly. question looked at her for a long moment before saying anything. "perhaps you should teach him the rules of grammar," she said.
It's going to be a while before I can breathe again