See ya, Seattle!
So this could be the last day I spend in Seattle as a “Seattle-ite.” The last afternoon I may get to enjoy sitting so nicely and peacefully at one of my writing spots. I love it here. I love the place–the geography, the topography, the trees, the hills, the abundance of water…the way that every corner you turn, there seems to be another hill curving into and around another body of water. I love the laid-back attitude toward life. Say what you will about how people are “passive-aggressive” here, but even if they are–it’s still “passive” and no big deal. You can let it brush through or past you much easier than an “active-aggressive” person, whom I suppose you would have to dodge blows from, by definition.
I love the music here (still…even if “grunge” has gone underground), I love the nightlife, the abundance of choices of places and venues to go to have fun, the diversity of music and other activity, the art culture, and at least, the attempt at social responsibility by local government and people–in Ballard, or Fremont, or the Wallingford neighborhoods (not the only ones, but the little sub-divisions that seem to lead the way in an almost hippie-ish sort of way). I love the outlandishness energy of Capitol Hill.
I love that, within a one and a half hour drive, you can be skiing in a place that could easily be mistaken for a major Colorado resort. I love the absolutely incredible beauty and subtle nature (quietude) of the Puget Sound itself, with all the islands that rise up slowly and softly in the misty skies of grey. One can take an hour’s journey from Seattle, on a ferry, and another hour back to see nature’s supple majesty…even an orca pod, if you’re lucky…all for the unsirly sum of $6.70.
I love the Space Needle, and will miss looking at it from so many spots in Seattle. I found a new one only two nights ago–from inside the Lo-Fi nightclub, while watching a psychedelic band play to end the unique two-day festival, just after midnight. It’s much like seeing the Eiffel Tower in Pairs–a constant reminder that I am someplace truly special. I even enjoy taking the elevator ride up from time to time–to take in the view from the observation deck–whether full of tourists or not. It is a place for locals and tourists alike to enjoy.
I love the friends that I have made here, and more… Seattle-ites can be very “real” and friendly, unlike their reputation, and I have forged some very strong friendships here that will last a lifetime. I will miss these people, and indeed, all of the things I love listed above. So why leave?
I could say that it’s the rain… The constant rain will make a person bug-eyed with depression, or frustration at times. It has much more of an effect on people than a lot will care to admit. Folks who grew up here seem to have learned better psychological tools in their childhood “training” to deal with it…their “highs” when it’s sunny, and “lows” when it’s been raining and grey every day for two straight weeks…but those of us who transplanted here have to learn on our own, as adults, how to deal with the robbery of color by the thick grey overcast clouds, and the continual “heaviness” of every object, piece of land, building, car, or person being wet for days. It’ll get to even the strongest of souls… In fact, some days, I prayed for it to be just a little colder…so it would snow instead. At least the snow is light, fluffy, dry, and quiet…it actually lifts the spirit when compared to a blanket of (cold) wetness.
But I don’t think it’s even the rain or constant “wet” that drives me to get out of Dodge. I think that I failed to do what I set out to do here. Start a band. I had a great opportunity to do so, in a great town, full of great musicians. But I slacked, and didn’t do it. And now I have officially stagnated. Deflated. I must regain some of my former fire and motivation to work at what I enjoy doing…writing stuff, and composing music. I still write, but I am so consumed by my “condition” here, that I spend far too much time writing about…my “condition”! I write to figure things out and express and share that which is on my mind, and I have been way too consumed with the rain and not being happy here, that I continue to write about it–in circles now… It is not productive any longer.
I need to get out of this space, this geographic area, this wonderful city for a while…because it is (temporarily?) a source of repression, rather than expression. This is not workable for someone who wishes to create. It’s time for me to go someplace sunny for a while… Or, at least, somewhere that I am happy so I am motivated to write, and otherwise create! Write about anything but the weather, and my (or anyone else’s) relation to it. Write about the human condition, social issues, skiing, art, philosophy, whatever!
I just have to get out of here for a while!! How long?? I don’t know, but at least a year. Maybe two… Maybe three or four or five. But as much as I love Seattle, I really can’t come back until I can bring so much happiness with me–in my work, play, or love(r)–that I can remain “above the clouds” at cruising altitude, day-to-day. I need it. I deserve it. I hope that I am not actually fooling myself…and just running. I don’t think so, but who knows. I seem to get restless and feel the need to move on after 2-3 years in almost any city or area… Maybe it’s just a simple matter of that. My human and biological need to fulfill the “quench disorder” necessary for the survival of the complex biological system that is the human race…under the larger self-organizing umbrella that is…life.