Unless we can remove the pressure of being a human being–that happens to live in an imperfect world that is often unstable, competing for scarce resources and affections, etc…we must look into ourselves to know if our beliefs are true. Maybe somewhere a guru or two has done this to satisfaction, and really has all his own answers, (and knows enough to keep to himself!) but that won’t help us here. We could always examine our dreams? Dreams afford us a glimpse into our subconscious selves: What we’re “thinking” deep-down. But these seem to be more like little sun-flare eruptions–coming out of the ether only when one particular issue is under fire, stress, or scrutiny. It’s not really practical to access that ebbing and flowing sphere of our thoughts, beliefs, feelings, and whatever else is stored down there–because we can’t access what we want, when we want it, or the way we want it. The subconscious seems to have (or be) a “mind of it’s own”, in fact…regarding what information it’s going to release, and when. Instead, we seem to only have to keep watch of ourselves, as unbiasedly as possible, to examine our thoughts and actions–to see whether they are in agreement, or more importantly, in contradiction.
A contradictory thought is important because it is very telling–it serves to disprove either itself (or the original thought) and point to a “system error” of sorts–an “untruth.” They are hard to catch, as we are rarely thinking about one thing while remembering another simultaneously. We have to search our memories after-the-thought, to see if it matches our thinking from a while ago. An expressed statement might be easier to catch, as long as someone who remembers the original contradictory statement is there to hear it (whether one minute, one year ago, or more…) We have all known someone to remember “something we said” a year and a half ago, right? (Usually to our detriment!) A contradictory action, the strongest proof, ought to simply be a red flag to us. Someone who says one thing, only to do another, is quite aptly termed: a hypocrite. This is someone who really has a strong need to believe something that just isn’t (believe that he or she is something that he or she isn’t). Just to be clear, these contradictions are within ourselves…not the statement that you gave your spouse yesterday about staying late for work that doesn’t match the action of drinking three beers with your buddies, making you late for dinner. That is an outright lie. Spouses, incidentally, are great sounding boards for spotting contradictions…as they have a vested interest in your well-being without the inherent bias of being one’s own observer.
Once a contradiction, or untruth within one’s self, has been exposed–people seem to differ in what they do about it. Some may recognize the contradiction, but go on “believing” both ideas anyway, as too many branches are dependent on both, and upsetting one would mean having to do some real work rethinking a whole set of beliefs. Others might decide to do some research to rectify the incongruous thoughts; some to a higher level, others less so. I, personally, have come to realize that I am a little unusual in the respect that I cannot accept an idea or notion as truth unless it matches every facet of me that it touches or filters through. If there is any little nagging possibility of untruth, it perturbs me so much that I need to search for the reason and appease that little voice until it is satiated and quelled. Most people probably fall somewhere in the middle of the spectrum. Some people, however, are quite the opposite…
I once knew a woman who, after getting to know her and her whole family, staying on her small Nebraska farm a number of times on my roadtrips across the U.S.…asked me one dark night, after much built-up tension, what I believed “about God.” She said it was very important to her to know “where I stood”, and what my beliefs were…as I had to that point, typically evaded the topic, knowing that she was fairly hard-core about being Christian, and that she might not like my eclectic, open view of spirituality and disapproval of organized religion (for myself–a “recovering Catholic”–but fine for whomever else). At the time, I was unsure if I wasn’t just simply agnostic. I can still remember, 15 years after-the-fact, her dark form sitting across the un-lit living room late at night, after everyone else had gone to bed… After telling her that I had deconstructed my “Catholicism” during college, and that I hadn’t formed any hard-and-fast ideas about spirituality yet…I had a tendency to take the best qualities (beliefs) from each religion (that I had researched thus far) to form a “conglomerate view”, and that I still reserved judgment about the whole spiritual “thing” (which technically made me an agnostic). Her voice quieted as she answered, as if she not only wanted to ensure that her family upstairs didn’t hear, but God himself, either… “I want to believe like you. I’m just too comfortable with my beliefs right now.” Weak…
Most people are fine with things just as long as they make decent common sense. At least they make a concerted effort to learn truth, as opposed to my ex-woman-friend above… Oh would my life be easier if I just didn’t ask so many questions! Not have to make sure that every belief fit all my belief sets. Let’s consider that for a moment… Let’s say I was someone who just didn’t want to put forth the time and effort into researching a given question…or that I was just too busy with work and family, etc. Let’s say I knew that there was more out there to learn before coming to a conclusion about whatever, but I chose not to, in favor of doing life’s activities…whether they involve need, or luxury. My belief in that one thing would then be subject to insufficient information–and could in fact change, or even oppose my current belief, if I took time to consider it more. Being a “busy believer”, I would not really be intentionally subverting my belief, but not really dedicating myself to truth either. Not caring enough to learn might be a bit worse–being an “apathetic” or even “lazy believer” may produce even shoddier truths.
There’s another grey area that tends to lend itself to untruth. Let’s say Chuck is on the fence about concluding something, one way or the other. He’s thought about it for months, and done lots of research. He’s really 50/50...stuck in the middle of not knowing which way to believe, and a stiff breeze might blow him to one side or the other. Being confused is not a happy state–and certainly not to remain in, as all of us have probably felt at one time or another. It is so emotionally disconcerting to be confused, in fact…to be in that state of “unknowing”, that maybe we eventually feel we must choose, even arbitrarily…just to end the pain of confusion. Chuck becomes so sick of thinking, he starts to become physically ill at just the thought of his question, and simply has to choose, for right or wrong. But maybe that flip-of-the-coin decision lands on the side of truth, and maybe it doesn’t. Being a “confused believer” isn’t really dedicating one’s self to an accurate picture, either. An untruth, technically, but still not really lying to one’s self.
Ok, let’s consider a more definitive one, finally. Let’s say that Jules falls in love with a beautiful woman–who has a bright mind, an incredible personality, and a radiant spirit. With all his heart, he has really come to need her for his own happiness, and cannot imagine life without her. One day, after months of thought, she says she simply cannot make it work because Jules is Catholic and she is Jewish. Spiritual beliefs are of prime importance to her, and she needs someone whose beliefs are similar to hers to be happy. Now Jules has always thought of different religions as just “different viewing angles of the same thing”; that central intelligence (or creator) of the universe that some call “God”, some call “Buddha”, others call “Mohamed”, etc. So Jules does his research, seeks out a Rabbi, and after talking to him at length, finds that Judaism makes sense and seems good, and so “Mazultoff!” He takes the Jewish plunge in order to save his relationship, and his heart, from being ripped to pieces. I know what you’re thinking…many of you would just lie about being Jewish while continuing to be a “closet Catholic.” She would never know the difference, right? Ok, fine. Let’s keep descending Maslow’s pyramid...
Now not only is love in question, but also friends, family, and even physical safety. Little Johnny is 13 years old and has just figured out that his sexual feelings aren’t like those of his predominating peers. He finds himself attracted to other 13 year old boys… Having grown up in a conservative home, his father has let slip a few times how he feels about his belief that homosexuality is a “disease.” His mother, upon watching a T.V. show with him once about a teen that had come out to his mother about being gay, commented, “Oh that poor mother!” …as if the teen’s feelings and very identity were not important. At school, Johnny has heard the word “fag” nearly every single day since the first grade from one male student or another…and stupid things are constantly being equated to being “gay.” Over the years, Johhny has developed a deep fear of being ostracized by all his friends, and even family…were they to know of his sexuality. He fears being kicked out of his home, and having to provide for himself physically–food, shelter, etc., as he knows that unaccepting parents sometimes kick their children out. He even fears for his safety, as kids have been beaten at school for being gay. Johnny undergoes such intense pressure, that he decides to go out with a girl and forces himself to like it. He grows through his teen years, and continues to make himself like what he otherwise wouldn’t, even to the point of having awkward sex, repeatedly. However unrewarding to him (and selling his girlfriend short of a real connection), he considers his “change” to heterosexuality complete, believing that “one that has sex with members of the opposite sex is heterosexual, and not gay!” Johnny goes on to marry his high school “sweetheart”, thereby not disappointing his mom and dad, his circle of friends, and not destroying an otherwise large branch of his beliefs (a paradigm that he would have to put great effort into to rethink, and accommodate his chosen path) and goes on believing that he is straight… Or is he?
