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To The Pastor Who Left

I am hurt. You were like a second father to me. Your son and I grew up together, even graduated together. You and your wife were chaperones on school trips as well as church trips. At one time, you were the man I most respected besides my father.

Realistically, your leaving had little to nothing to do with me specifically and I know that. But I still felt like it was my fault, even if only partially so. I asked too much, expected too much, believed too much.

You told us you felt the call of God to work in the mission field and had accepted a position doing such, which was fine. We certainly didn't want you out of the will of God. However, we found out via social media you were trying to get a church in another town about 20 minutes away only a short while after you left. So much for that mission field work, I suppose.

After a decade at our church, you started to change. You didn't care to do outreach anymore, you told us that we could plan events but not to expect you to be there, and the few things you did show up to was only so you could say you were there. Looking back, I realize your heart just wasn't in it any longer.

Your heart, which had once beat for the Lord and our church, was now tired. Exhausted. Beaten down. Possibly even broken in some ways. Certainly done. However, instead of walking away then, you stayed. And if I'm being honest, I wish you hadn't. I truly think it did more harm than good.

Perhaps you thought it was a phase, something you'd get over and your zeal would come back. Or maybe you thought you would ride things out until you were asked by the people of the church to leave. I'm not sure. But you stayed, and you were trying to lead a church "on empty". Even with a small church, that's not good for anyone involved. You, the congregation, your family, no one benefits from that type of season.

The closer you got to the day you decided to leave, the less you cared. Which, considering how much you'd already quit and given up on us, says a lot. You continued to pull back, showed up to even fewer events. Let's be honest, you even severely cut back on the number of services you attended.

Every time we turned around you and/or your family were missing services for one reason or the other. Which speaks volumes about your dedication and zeal for a church that only has one service a week. You would preach, on the odd occasion you actually showed up, about attendance and tithing all while not having regular/weekly attendance and paying all of your tithes to The District Office.

Which, I get... to a point. After you become certified with the Assemblies, you are required to pay 75% of your tithes to The District. But you paid 100% of yours. The church could have used that remaining 25%, and you knew that. Otherwise you wouldn't have been preaching so hard to the congregation about tithing.

Speaking of lecturing (let's be honest, that's what it was) us about tithing, you could have proven yourself a good steward of the church's money. You made major financial decisions mostly on your own, hardly ever going before the church or board as required by bylaws. This is why people stopped tithing.

I don't agree with their decision in not doing so. Personally, I tithe to God and pray that the stewards of His money do as they should with it. I don't tithe to a pastor or treasurer. I'm not going to miss out on my blessings because someone else isn't doing what they should be. God will only count against me when I do not tithe, not when someone else misuses my tithes. However, I wonder... are you lecturing your new church about money?

Probably not. The hurricane came through and just about leveled the building, so the church should be having some insurance money coming soon. I wonder if you'll blow through it like you did our church's money from the State? Plus, you wouldn't want to start off on the wrong foot at your new home church.

For years before you left, I asked for help. Help for the nursery you put me in charge of. Help for announcements in the bulletin we needed made every week. Even spiritual help. You didn't lift a finger. I was stressed, brought to tears of sadness and grief. I was trying so hard to do right by the church and by you. And you couldn't care any less.

A part of me still saw you as the man I had once known you to be. Kind, caring, compassionate, loving. You had stopped calling me "baby girl", which I almost didn't notice... at first. Then it hit me, I heard my given name more and more. You were distancing yourself from me. Pulling away, whether intentional or not.

Shortly after, you announced your resignation. Explained the call you felt for mission work, and told us your last day. That didn't hurt as much as what you did after you left. Finding another church so quick. Working so hard with them after having given up on us. Being there for them in ways you had stopped being there for us. Loving them in ways you had stopped loving us. That stung. Hurt.

I didn't go looking for it, but we still had mutual friends. So every once in a while I would see where you and your new church were doing something. Doing the things you didn't care to do with us the last few years. And it hurt.

Then I realized that the hurt I was feeling was something you didn't know about. I wanted you to apologize, to tell me it wasn't my fault. I didn't make you leave. But you didn't know that. And you didn't need to. Sometimes, we don't get closure. That was a lesson I had to learn the hard way.

Now, when I see you and your church doing outreach, having good services, spending time as a church family, I don't get hurt. I'm happy. I'm excited to see your zeal for His Kingdom return. I'm elated that your heart is with a church. I'm ecstatic that you're invested in ministry again. I'm happy that you're happy. I used to hurt. Part of me always will because we were no longer what you needed. But you're where you need to be, I see now.

You leaving caused growth in me i didn't expect. I know we probably won't ever talk again, but I pray that you, your family, and your church are blessed. Thank you for the hurt, it made me and the rest of the church better. It gave us understanding and peace. We will always love and miss you.

#church #Assemblies of God #pastor #pastor resigning #second father