If you haven't heard off me for a while it's because over a month ago I was back in a mental hospital. What was meant to be a normal psychology appointment turned into a hospital admissions because of voices and hallucinations telling me to hurt myself in many different ways. I had a blade with me ready to slit my wrists and my psychologist had to restrain me. He called the crisis team who struggled to find me a bed somewhere but they did eventually but not at my local psychiatric hospital. While in hospital, I was restrained everyday, had to be put on one to one because of all the self harm I was doing so they watched me 24 hours a day. Even watched me sleep. Was so uncomfortable. I was also injected everyday to calm me down. The voice or Lilith I like to call her told me to stop drinking so I did which meant numerous admissions to a general hospital and then me getting sectioned on a section 2 without any section 17 leave. It was horrible. Constant drips, injections, the lot. One night, my blood sugar dropped to 0.5 and I nearly died. Anyway, I started to get a little better, they took me off one to one but had to be checked every 15 minutes. I thought to myself, I can't keep ending up in psychiatric hospitals for the rest of my life because the last 3 years, that's all what's been happening. I needed something to stop that cycle, to stop me ending myself up in hospital. I had an idea. Since I was a child, I've ALWAYS wanted a Shetland Pony but my parents never allowed it because of the responsibility and they cared too much about their flowers. However, I don't live with my parents anymore, I have my own place. Although it's only a one bedroom flat which would be impossible to keep a pony, I live opposite my nan with a big back and front yard so I asked her. Of course I expected her to say no but to my ver7 big surprise, she said yes!!! But she had to convince my grandad. At first he said no but she asked him every night and eventually he said yes!! That was fantastic. He was going to convert the aviary into a stable which will be big enough for a Shetland Pony. Only thing was, was getting out of the hospital and finding one. I eventually got out, but we all found it very hard to find a Shetland Pony. My grandad asked everywhere but nothing and he didn't want me to pay loads of money for one but that didn't bother me so one night I went on preloved.com and responded to every Shetland pony advert there was asking them if they delivered. Some did bit one caught my eye. A Shetland Pony miniature, absolutely tiny and beautiful and only 20 months old. I prayed that she hadn't been already sold or that she would deliver and luckily, they did deliver. She was £360 pound and they charged £85 for deliver6 which was fine by me but my grandad didn't agree and we had a massive argument about it but eventually he had to accept that I was paying for one and he couldn't stop me. He had to realise that you can't get everything for free. Anyway so yeah, I have a Shetland Pony now called Millie. I will post more about her on my next post.
