7 heaven
June 16th, 2017
So I just realized that I dated the old post “may” instead of June... mi mal. Lol
Any who, I have a few things that have occurred this week. Let start with my dream from yesterday. So I was napping and I had a dream that I was dating Esty again, and that I was looking for his profile on Instagram and that he had a picture of his girlfriend as his background? Which was weird. And I asked him about it and he said that he was just with her because he didn’t want her to harm herself, and bullshit like that. But I didn’t believe him, and he was like blowing up my phone with apologizing to me? And being super nice (so not like him) and I’m like wtf. And then (in reality) I was going to ask him to go grab dinner with me, and also in my dream he had asked me to go grab dinner with him. And then I realized that in real life I had asked him, but I was half asleep when I sent that. And then in my dream I got extremely nauseous. It was super weird. So moral of the story is that, I need to stop fucking with him. In which I feel like I tell myself all the time but my lame ass hasn’t done it yet. It’s been like this for over a year. WTF erika. I piss myself off. My ass is going to end up alone if I don’t drop him. I always realize that I need better, and I deserve better. But at the same time I’m like, I’m a shitty ass person so I deserve this.
Also what I realized while driving home from the gym, Oh! I’m starting to hit the gym again! I’m tired of seeing this blob. Anyways, I realized karma is already getting me... so i would always give excuses to Ahmed of why I couldn’t hang out and now it’s happening with roger.. like blah. I should honestly give up already. We are supposed to hang out this weekend. Pero aver que. At this point I’m not even getting my hope high anymore.
Now, lets step away from talking about lames. I have been feeling so ugly lately. Like I just don’y like the way I look. I recently cut my hair (shoulder length) I love the way it looks but I don’t have the body to match it. And I have been getting a lot of looks that say “ehh it doesn’t look that great”. I mean I like it and that all that matters but at the same time those comments do get me at times. And I’m trying to work on my self confidence. But at the moment it’s at its lowest right now. I used to be pretty back then. But now I gained weight, with braces, glasses and a twelve year old hair cut. I also got told I look like a ninja turtle... isn’t that some shit.
Well I’m done. I’m getting sleepy. Peace out girl scouts.
