Discover Top Posts Tagged with #self defeat

the three emotions to drive self defeating behavior

(primary emotions coming up when triggered normal to everyone, but much higher and going out of control when having ptsd up to reaching unbearable):

overwhelmed ---> escape

alone ---> cling

fearful ---> control

the behaviors that get triggered by these impulses are where most of the damage from childhood ptsd take place, not from what happened in the past, not from the feelings you have about yourself, but from your behavior and the actions you take, which then re-traumatize you, which is stuff you do to yourself to make healing more difficult

like extreme views (black and white thinking), losing your freedom to disagree or leaving a dominant person, neglecting your body, anything like poor hygiene, shabby clothes, not going for health treatment, self harm, eating disorders, media and gaming keeping you from sleeping and doing important stuff, lying, doing illegal stuff, work problems, from doing work for too little money, to getting into fights, victim thinking, bitterness, blaming all your problems on one no matter which illogical thing or people like racism sexism foreigners, numbing with substances like alcohol or drugs, getting angry, ranting, rage attacks, attraction to troubled partners and friends who have more drama, financial and legal problems going on than you can handle and still manage and continue your own healing, unfulfilling romantic life running from love to avoid getting hurt, abuse of your sexuality, living in the fantasy of a better life or a relationship you dont have, which keeps you from acting on your own life, and can reach the level of obsession and stalking (hello, stans!), total avoidance of people, debting which is spending more than you have up to addictions like shopping or gambling or an unsustainable get rich quick mentality, and our habit of repeating traumatic patterns, the seeming inability to detect sick people or dangerous situations, or step back when trouble appears, then relapse into a traumatized state, which then triggers depression, rage, collapse and a reversion to old behaviors

#self defeat #ptsd

Elated Heartbreak

I dance myself between the edge of an elated heart and breaking it by just doubting what I don’t even know, what I’m too afraid to ask.

However, I can’t figure out if it’s better to stay in this back and forth in my own head, or if finding out a definitive…

Though, a definitive can lead to that pure elation I’m dreaming of, or it is going to bring that heartbreak I am petrified of.

Que será,…

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#anxiety #heartbreak #hope #love #self defeat

Unlike My Other Tumblr . . .

On this secondary, untraceable account, I wont have to worry if I start doing NSFW stuff, or act like a bit of a cunt. who knows that could be what leads me to finding a girl/boyfriend

though I doubt anyone will notice me

#self defeat