#self identity issues

[yourgirldory]

Was gonna make this a comic but then again it's me so this isn't getting made anytime soon

Song that this is based off

Next part

[ffwriter2018]

Sorry I’m the Toni’s past anon, I hit send before I could get to what I was thinking sorry! Anyways I was thinking like she has focused so much on Cheryl that Cheryl doesn’t know much about Toni’s life. So basically they’re having an argument where Cheryl is Cheryl and she is dramatically waving her arms but she lifts one up and Toni flinches and that leads to a convo about Toni’s past? Or something like that if it makes sense lol

Yes thank you so much for sending me this prompt. I started working on it. But I am going through a lot of personal issues right now. That I can’t finish it atm. So I start to get in the right mind space again. I will definitely finish it and get it posted. Thank you again for sending me this prompt. Hope you have a fantastic week.

[crowsister-archive]

some days it's hard because like i sometimes feel like multiple entities stuck in one body? but sometimes i feel singular?? sometimes i id super hard with entities and sometimes i naturally distinguish them from my own entity, but what is my own entity??? bleh, bleh self identity issues

[m-vrks]

College Road Block:

I got selected as a potential applicant for The Goizueta Foundation Scholars Fund, (which is great, you know- college money, yay!) & my parents are obviously very pleased at the chance for their only child who's only going to college 

BUT.. There’s a bit of an issue.

I’m required to write an essay (two actually; one in English & another in Spanish- this is not the issue) about what being a Hispanic/Latino means to me.. (<- THAT is the issue). Anyone & everyone who knows me, also knows that the only times which I identify as "Hispanic" are on standardized testing, census forms & when I'm defending my ability to ingest spices (ex: "I'm Mexican, I need more salsa!"). Besides that however, close to never.

The thing is, growing up, I never knew I was Hispanic; I didn't know it set me apart or caused people to look at me differently. In the house I grew up in, my neighbors were Caucasian, African American, Middle Eastern, & Asian; all us kids played together & we never identified any distinctions or pointed out the differences in our eyes or skin color. To me, since we all lived in America, we were all American. I wasn't aware that everyone else didn't speak Spanish at home, or that not everyone's grandma's sold tamales for a living. Never in my mind did it occur to me, that I couldn't be anything I wanted to be; whether it be a doctor, fireman, astronaut, lawyer, or even a cowgirl- I always figured I had the same chance as everyone, you know? 

It wasn't until I transferred to a different school for fifth grade, that I realized there were more people like me- more Hispanics. I attended a small charter school of about 400 kids. Never before in my life, had I seen so many Spanish-speaking natives. The school was infested with them, & honestly..? I felt like I didn't fit in. I didn't like the way they dressed, or the way they carried themselves; my first assumption was that they were all in either in gangs or uneducated (yes, I know that's a tad bit dramatic, but that was me as a fifth grader). Naturally, I made friends with the only handful of Asians there.

Come the end of sixth grade, I was given the option to transfer, & I took it as soon as possible. For seventh grade, I attended a different charter school; this one was bigger, & located in a cleaner, more high-end city. Needless to say, I absolutely loved it. However, the majority of the students there were Caucasian. It didn't take long for me to discover that they looked at me, the way I looked at the Hispanics at my previous school, & for the first time in my life, I realized that there was in fact, a difference between races. My French teacher (who mind you- was Asian) even told me when I got a C on a test of hers, "You're not trying hard enough. Do you want to fail? Do you want to be like all the other Hispanics, & get pregnant at 14, have to drop out & never get anywhere in life??"

This was definitely a mental turning point in my life. I couldn't help but think, "I NEVER want to be like those kids; I'm NOT Hispanic. I'm American". This most certainly lead the way for me to try to be as different as possible, partially because I knew I already was. Not only did I dress differently then the Hispanics at my school, but I spoke differently too. They didn't like that I used different, "bigger" words, or that I didn't incorporate Spanglish into my everyday conversations. I made it my mission to perfect my English; that's probably why I'm not as fluent in Spanish as I was growing up (although I still do speak it well, & I'm continuously asked to translate). Plus, ever since first grade, I was labeled as Gifted, & put into all Honors & advanced classes. Anyway, since then, I've always felt excluded from everyone, really. I never really found my "place", but rather, much frustration & loneliness in my lack ability to do so. 

In applying to this scholarship, I find that I'm mostly doing it in order to lighten the burden of college debt on not only myself, but my parents as well. I've been told, occasion after occasion, that I can't simply play the "Minority Card" when it's convenient, & no doubt, I agree. Which is why I don't. You won't see me stand up for things like the Dream Act or any other specific Hispanic/Latino organization; the truth is, I really don't care. Hispanic social issues have never drawn my attention, partially because I don't identify with them, nor do I think they're necessarily right. I understand that the kids whose parents brought them over want to go to college, & it's not their fault that their parents haven't made an effort to attain citizenship or residency, but if I could say anything to their parents, it would be something along the lines of, "Why'd you even bother coming over to this country, then?" I know it sounds harsh, maybe even a tad bit discriminatory, but I lack the personal connection.

Some might think it's even hypocritical of me, seeing as my parents brought me over illegally as well, but my father's made a commitment to this country, & to his family; he assimilated & made us all residents as soon as we came over. Just a few years ago, we became citizens. Not once before then, did I know we weren't. I'm not saying I think I'm better than any of them, I'm just saying, I'm different. I grew up going to baseball & hockey games, & NASCAR tournaments. My ultimate dream was always to become a soldier, & fight for this country- MY country.

Therefore, I may not know enough about being Hispanic to write an essay for this scholarship, but I think I know enough about the adversity I've faced for being something I clearly didn't choose. I know enough about the struggles my parents have faced in this country, & I know enough about the pride I saw in their eyes when I got accepted into Reinhardt- being the first of NINE in kids to do so. I think this essay, as challenging as it may be, will allow for me to explore my culture, & maybe for once, find my own niche in the cultural & national community.

[iniqueinsomniax]

Borderline see, borderline be, borderline questions, is this me?

[auberginebear]

*headdesk*

honestly, there is no such thing as trans-ethnic, and i'll tell you one good reason why: interest and race are not interchangeable.

if you are born into a certain race, like Korean for example, you are that race. if you are interested in Korean culture, that's all it is. it doesn't mean you are or were meant to be or should have been born in that culture. the only way a person is multi-ethnic is if they are adopted by a different ethnic family, like a little white girl being adopted by a Korean family. it doesn't change that she's still a little white girl, but it does mean she's a part of Korean culture, having been raised in it.

being born into a while family, with while family members, means you are white, no if ands or buts. saying you feel you have to show your white privilege to POC persons is a bit offensive really and means that, no matter how much you feel you understand your white privilege or not, you still live by your privilege. (there is a reason this was added, but she took it down because of Anons who were harassing her for the offensive comments.)

i recently read through this person's blog and was astounded at her utter idiocy at common sense, propriety, science, biology, psychology, and overall logic. she even made a post that makes absolutely no sense whatsoever and my brain hurts after reading it. she is intelligent, but somehow she's also totally blind and confused. i won't argue her identifying as otherkin/catkin, pangender, and asexual, but i have issues with people self-diagnosing as Autistic and claiming that trans-ethnicity exist.

i sent her an ask telling her how i felt about her self-diagnosing and i got a bullshit answer.

other people have had their issues with her, so if any of you see this, please tell me what you think about everything?