#self words

[haunthishouse]

my last love was the orange of sunsets a glittering grin a hero's smile. their laugh, a balm for my loneliness and they crossed two countries to be at my side. for them, i was blind i offered up everything i burned my bridges, and abandoned my fellows, let all others fade into night. i abandoned half my soul i scorned an delicate heart i emptied my pockets and spilled more than i owned. and for what? they loved me once i think i loved them once now my chest is quiet, emptied. what starlight shone from within i can no longer see if i water a ground raked smooth will i grow to be green again? will i be full? will i feel like i love you?

[haunthishouse]

I've been trying to remember how it used to spread through my chest that sweet punch of my fluttering pulse burned at the back of my throat. involuntarily --- i breathe it burrowed deep within me to protect from myself, from the gaping maw of isolated despair. it is weightless, airy, light my fingertips tingling body easing like melted wax a blush racing across my collar peach-toned fizzles of delight piercing at my shivering core. it is the way my face hurts teeth helplessly bared --- smiling the way i squirm and wiggle with joy leaking happiness that tastes of rain and laughter. i never truly stopped (did i?) i clenched a shell of protection down lest i permanently break (it) it's not shards of pain, but a depleting battery, draining. on every day i open myself to the sun, i recharge oh, let me drink the light let me soak in the warmth.

I've been trying to remember what love feels like

[haunthishouse]

so clearly in scraps of moments i, terrified, hope for better things. it feels selfish and indulgent to pack my bags and start anew. but i think of my father eighteen and free driving west into the sun, and my mother moving less than a day east both following opportunity and finding each other's arms. (and sometimes i remember when i made my mother cry and my father told me that i was his child but she was his wife and would always be his priority, would always be at her side first.) i've spent much of my years wanting someone who wants me but at this point i just want more reasons to see another dawn

[deepfeelsco]

I was so deep into my feelings, so caught up. I wanted you to feel what I felt. To love me like my heart loved you. To desire my presence alike. And here we are now in the same room feeling 10 miles apart. 🫀😔

[christophart]

For those of you still here, if you haven’t noticed, I have been quite inactive on this blog for the last few months.  

I will probably not be using this blog anymore and will probably delete it in a little while.

While tumblr’s new terms of service is certainly a motivator for this move, I have been way more active on Instagram and way less active on here for a while now.

If you still enjoy my work, please follow me on my instagram, where I post much more art, much more frequently.

It can be found here!

Thanks for following me, everyone!

[birds-for-scale]

I haven't felt desirable/desired in such a long time, I don't remember what it feels like.

[jimenezs-things]

Eres la casualidad con los ojos má bonitos que ha llegado a mi vida.

Jiménez.