In Case of Emergency, Break Glass
When we are in an emergency situation, those little red boxes tell us what to do. Break glass. Pull lever. Help is on the way. But when you are in an emergency situation and there's no little red box in sight, or even when you're just feeling down and unable to get done what you'd like to get done, do you know what to do? It's important to lay out your resources when you are not in an emergency or feeling down, because in the middle of the difficult situation you may not be able to think clearly enough to identify them.
Sometimes emergency resources are the list of people who you can count on when the chips are down. Sometimes they are the things you can do that make you feel better. And sometimes they are simply the thoughts you need to say to yourself to self-coach into a better place, or even the recognition of the negative cognitive beliefs that you know not to repeat.
Step one is identifying the people you can count on when you are in a true emergency, or the people that you can spend time with who help lift your spirits when you are down. Do you know who those people are? Can you make yourself a list so it's at your fingertips when the going gets tough? If you're having trouble thinking of who you can call (and I know there are a bunch of you "I don't like to impose on others" people out there), I would encourage you to ask yourself: who would you be willing to do this for? Aren't the chances pretty good they would be willing to do it for you as well?
Step two is making yourself a list of things that make you feel better. In a completely unscientific poll I recently conducted, I collected the following suggestions for things to do when you're feeling down: go for a run, throw a ball against a wall, play guitar, sing, write your feelings down in a journal, talk to a friend, take a hot bath, and watch a romantic comedy. What is on your list? And where is it? I often suggest to clients that they write their ideas down on slips of paper and keep them in a jar. When things are looking awful, they can choose something from the jar; if that doesn't help, they can pick out another piece of paper.
Step three is addressing our thoughts and feelings—both positive and negative. One client suggested adopting Dale Carnegie's concept of "day tight" thinking—don't think too far into the future (because the worrying causes anxiety), and don't think too far into the past (because there is nothing to be done about what has already happened). Carnegie reminds his readers to stay in the present and deal with what is in front of us.
I encourage people to think through the worst things they tell themselves, and then to avoid that script during stressful times (and all the time, but it's okay to start small!) On the positive side, come up with some statements that help make you feel better. In step two I talked about things you could do to feel better. There are also things you can think that make you feel better as well. And I don't mean global proclamations, like the kind Stuart Smalley makes on Saturday Night Live: "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me" type of thinking. I mean specific, tangible things you can tell yourself that help you feel better. So if you're concerned about work, think about the data that shows you are doing a good job. If you're worried about your son, think about the nice story his best friend's mother told you about him. Maybe your daughter did well on a recent test, or tried out a new after-school club. Maybe she said hello to your neighbor, or cheered on a teammate?
Those are three steps you can put to use next time you find yourself in the midst of an emergency. When a fire extinguisher is not required, and an oxygen mask isn't dropping down from the ceiling, you now have some other resources at your fingertips to help you through a crisis. So take a moment to get your first aid kit in order before the alarm bells ring—and you'll have what you need to get you through.
If you need help packing your kit, or finding the positive statements that work for you, contact me at:[email protected] or 301-523-8882.