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Why are we attached to our mundane existence? Before any attachment arises we grasp onto a strong feeling of 'I'. From this arise the thoughts, 'my friend,' 'my family,' 'my possessions' and so forth. We look at all these things as if they were inherently and independently existent and, as a result, we become attached to what we think is inherently ours.
Geshe Kelsang Gyatso - "Meaningful to Behold"
Due to the imprints of self-grasping accumulated since beginningless time, whatever appears to our mind, including our I, appears to be inherently existent. Grasping at our own self as inherently existent, we grasp at the self of others as inherently existent, and then conceive self and others to be inherently different.
Geshe Kelsang Gyatso - "Eight Steps to Happiness"
Eight Steps to Happiness: What is Self-Cherishing
Self-cherishing is thinking that we are more important than others and develops from the belief that the self that we identify with is inherently real. The mind of self-cherishing is the most harmful mind because it makes us commit negative actions out of selfishness. It is also a wrong awareness because it is based on the belief in the inherently existent self, which does not really exist. While the self does exist conventionally, it does not exist independently from our body and mind, even though when self-cherishing is manifesting strongly within our mind, it feels like something that exists from its own side. We grasp at this self that we identify with, and then cherish this self that we have completely fabricated within our own mind. Actions that are motivated by the minds of self-grasping and self-cherishing are contaminated actions that cause us to take rebirth in samsara, so these minds are considered to be the root of samsara.
Why do we regard ourself as so precious, but not others? It is because we are so familiar with self-cherishing. Since beginningless time we have grasped at a truly existent I. This grasping at I automatically gives rise to self-cherishing, which instinctively feels, "I am more important than others." For ordinary beings, grasping at one's own I and self-cherishing are like two sides of the same coin: I-grasping grasps at a truly existent I, while self-cherishing feels this I to be precious and cherishes it.
Geshe Kelsang Gyatso - "Eight Steps to Happiness"
If we destroy self-grasping, all other delusions cease naturally, just as the leaves and branches of a tree die if we destroy its roots. Once we have completely eradicated our delusions it will be utterly impossible for us to experience unpeaceful states of mind. Since we will no longer have the internal causes of suffering, external causes of suffering, such as sickness or death, will have no power to disturb our mind. This permanent cessation of delusion and suffering is known as liberation, or nirvana in Sanskrit.
Eight Steps to Happiness Intro Part 2
All delusions come from the delusion of self-grasping ignorance. Self-grasping ignorance is a mind that mistakenly grasps at phenomena as inherently, or independently, existent. Our failure to realize that objects don't exist from their own side is the source of all our problems. Grasping at our own self, or I, harms us the most. This self-grasping leads us to believe we are independent from the world and other people, and creates a self-cherishing (i.e. self-centered and selfish) mind. This self-cherishing attitude then leads us to commit selfish and often harmful actions, hurting others and creating negative karma for ourself, and thus hurting ourself as well. Self-cherishing also leads to the delusions of attachment, aversion/hatred/anger, and indifference or uncaring.
These delusions are all bad habits that can be broken just like any other bad habit. It just takes a little effort and recognition that we have the delusions in the first place, and a desire to change for the better. There are many methods for destroying specific delusions, but to destroy all of them we need to destroy the root delusion of self-grasping ignorance. To do this we need to realize the true nature of reality, emptiness.
Once we have attained liberation from suffering through the realization of emptiness, we should help others to do the same. It is the wish to help others attain enlightenment and liberation that makes this a Mahayana Buddhist path. The ultimate goal is Buddhahood.
Anyone who is governed by the view of self-importance is under the influence of delusion, not self confidence.
