Discover Top Posts Tagged with #self-note

I always have that feeling after listened to a podcast or after reading a book. You know, when you get new knowledge and after dig further you found out that you're still far from comprehend. But still, it is a blissful moment when knowing that we know nothing.

#whattotag?#self-note

Self-note

Focus on bettering yourself. Let God handle all your worries. Okay?

#personal #self-note

I keep forgetting to post my styling comp entries here… ;-; I swear to myself I’ll get better at that.

#ahhhhh #i usually just dump my stylings here and leave ugh i need to get better at checking tumblr #self-note #my post

Git: change remote branch

To push to a different, new remote branch than before:

git push -u origin local-branch-name:origin/remote-branch-name

#tool #self-note #git

#self-note #love

Currently

I’ll just start off by saying I know I don’t have very much content or follows and that is a whole thing. I made this blog Years and Years ago like high school... Then I forgot about it. My e-mail account along with my blizzard account were compromised by a South Korean IP address. They also got me banned on Diablo 3 and Starcraft. My Tumblr my account was littered with weird DMs and posts of what I guess is vanilla porn? SO, the account is flagged but I still use it because, why not? It’s basically a LiveJournal in its weird way now and I accept it.

I finally after over 6 long years found an engine for my truck. The gentleman included a brand-new block and a everything I would need to rebuild that engine. So, I wound up with 2 Engines. Pretty much putting a lot of my artwork stuff on hold to hold true to the grease monkey I am at heart. Working on my truck with my family and introducing my son to this world has become very therapeutic.

I have had some pretty rad ideas so this is more a note for myself in that aspect for my art. Art Nouvea meets Cyberpunk posters? Comic book style themed like the warriors but local because it’d be fun to draw up the local scenery. A painting rendition of my favorite H.P. Lovecraft stories. I tend to draw really creep crap to begin with so this seems in my realm.

I’ve also been doing a ton of self-introspection and cognitive thinking adjustments. I realize more than ever I have been throwing myself into relationships as a way to avoid confronting my own problems and thereby hurting others and myself. Was not cool in any way. I’ve become pretty ashamed of my choices. I always thought I was incredibly open and was a fairly vulnerable person, however it was all face value. It’s really hard to be vulnerable and develop a sincere connection especially after years and years of problems. That is life though right? I heard somewhere about this belief in reincarnation that we only choose the lives we think we can handle and challenge us. I’m learning to understand where a lot of my anger lives and why it’s there and to change that way of thinking. I’m constantly rephrasing negative thoughts and comments with, instead of thinking like it that way maybe blah blah bla blah. If anyone has better methods, I’m open, I’m sure I must be irritating everyone with it by now.

The largest change I’ve done is reduce drinking. I know I do have a drinking problem if left alone. For years this was a coping mechanism because I hated my life in the military and felt so damn alone at times. It normalized itself into my life and really took a chunk that I can’t get back. I will have a beer on a weekend with family but I won’t allow hard liquor into my home anymore. I’ve done month long breaks of pure sobriety and felt amazing. it was a weird and toxic way of thinking that began to develop believing I couldn’t be that same person sober, paint, be fun, or that I needed it to feel comfortable.

Over the years I’ve lost a good number of friends and ended relationships poorly. I’m sorry. For the friends that I have had stick around through my bullshit you are gold on a plate of pure sunshine and rose petals.

Everyone has their limits and I respect and understand that. I’ll continue to tend to my garden.

#introspection #therapy #self-note #personal growth