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"You must have the same amount of trust that you had that time you made du'a for Allah to change your parents hearts to allow you to study in the land of saints"
'Yeah, but that was different. I was somewhat a better person then.'
"yeah, you were a better person. But Allah is always the same. He is Ar-Rahman Ar-Rahiim, Al-Mujīb."
Jel: I told you, not to open your shit up!
Joyce: I am sorry, I thought this time, all will be okay.
Jel: Okay? Akala mo magiging okay lang lahat when you trust too much? Nakita mo naman hindi ba? Noon nag-team up kayo, she just rephrase your words at parehas lang yung idea. Look now, she twisted your words into something na makakasama sa image mo!
Joyce: I just gave her a chance! Inintindi ko lang naman siya na baka kailangan niya ng tulong. Tingnan mo naman kalagayan niya, may tatay siyang barumbado, mga kapatid na walang pake, at mga kaibigan na walang kwenta. I tried to help and help her heal from it, kasi I know what it feels.
Jel: Yes, and I agreed to that, pero intindihin mo din naman na kailangan mo din maghilom. I am also concern for our state, 2 years pa lang naman tayo at alam mo naman na hindi pa tayo tapos lumaban sa sarili nating mga demonyo! Hindi mo kailangan magpakatanga sa kanya at intindihin pa siya palagi dahil may sarili din tayong problema. Kaya iwan mo muna sila at sa lahat ng hindi nakakaintindi sa iyo. If we need to shut them out of our life and emotions then do it.
Joyce: Ang hirap pala kapag masyado kang mabait sa kapwa mo. :( I try to understand her situation and all pero hindi din naman siya nakikinig sa akin eh. Sinubukan natin na ipaliwanag sa kanya sitwasyon natin pero tinarantado lang tayo. Nakakalungkot lang.
Jel: I told you, may karapatan tayo na magalit sa kanya. Nanghusga agad siya sa nararamdaman mo, tapos ano? Ang lakas pa niyang mangromanticise? Is it Love or Possesive shit lang siya? Gago hah.
Joyce: HEY! Watch it! Baka naman love as a friend...
Jel: DUH?! Ni hindi nga niya makuha point natin na as a platonic friend. You know what we should set limits. We will never show any emotion again, nor give any positive nor negative comment. Just be neutral to everything. Walang reklamo, or opinion. Pero siyempre kapag groupings, magparticipate ka ha, yung mga one on one conversation lang, try to avoid them and be boring. Maybe... just for a week...
Joyce: Sigi, I'll try. I'll be neutral as I can.
Conversation with myself
Why are you angry?
Because I'm disappointed.
What makes you disappointed?
My expectations weren't met, and they haven't been for the past three years of my life. I am young; this makes me very angry. It is the squandering of my youth that hurts me so. The world around me never met my expectations for myself. What they know is a demon. Hatred, writhing, screaming, hell.
Beyond the disappointment, what expectations have you held?
*Silence*
What expectations have you held?
That I should be praised for my good works, at least acknowledged, at best adored. In this, perhaps was ignorance, for I find I have been ignored..............I've hidden shame with anger.
And still, you are good enough.
Astounding.
https://soundcloud.com/swainesworld/selfconvo
Anxiety
1 : It never gets any easier, right?
2 : With life? It never is.
