Dear self, I don't think I ever been to this place I just can't seem to pull away from the darkness. I say I get high so I can be known, I used to think the pain in this life was something I could handle and just brush it off. until I really went numb inside, somehow I allowed the void to fill with hate and I'm stuck in this darkness. my mind is like a record, set to repeat and the narration is Vinny's voice. Constantly in my head narration of my life every move every fourth thought and every be little insult, telling me how I'm not good enough not pretty enough, not smart enough, too fat to be more than A secret f***. a stupid b**** who he used for anything he could get or steal, I'm so consumed with the betrayal of my trust, that I forget how how much my heart hurts from all the losses I have been made to endure. the emptiness swoops in to remind me as if I might accidentally forget how very alone I am, and then the void that he created for me Because I'm never gonna be worthy of his love will run up on me as if to hug me but just b**** slaps me with the utter sadness. the sadness for the role ,He played and And then I'm back to the darkness of realization. that I'm never going to wake up from this nightmare because I'm not sleeping and these things has really happened in my life. can never be right again I will never view things the same my reflection is so different to me in my eyes that the shadows who will always haunt me over this, question if I'm going crazy or if my soul is just so heavy with the wreckage that this stupid b**** self asleep created for me. As I consume as many drugs as I can I think before I am destroyed or drowned by this darkness, I will utilize any resource I have without regard to make sure the f****** free use ignorant w**** knows my pain but she cause so selfishly