#selftl

[nvtv-lie]

everything is going too fast

i feel like i don’t have time to keep up. everyone is moving forward and in a way i am too, but i feel like i’m on autopilot, going through the same day again and again. maybe it’s my medication that’s making me feel this way. maybe it’s the fact that i haven’t seen a therapist in months. maybe i should. today i cried for the fourth day in a row, purely because i feel so overwhelmed. i haven’t even started school yet and i’m overwhelmed. i feel like i can’t catch a break. like so much is expected of me. i’m so tired and i don’t know how to feel better. sleep feels like a waste of my time even though i’m so tired and desperately need it. i’m in need of some kind words and a big hug. maybe tomorrow will be better.

[aentingblog]

it’s been a while since i’ve posted here

and i never thought i would have to again. but i have gender dysphoria, which is new. i think. i haven’t talked to a gender therapist yet tho, so we’ll see. i’ve been feel like this for probably 6 months, and i started zoloft about a month ago and it’s helping worth my anxiety. and i’ve been binding for probably 2 months. i think maybe my binder restricted my breathing so it made me more anxious, but honestly i was thinking about starting meds before that. i kinda just want this blog to be an online journal about my feelings so i know how i felt a year ago, if that makes sense. anyway, hope future natalie is cool.

[nvtv-lie]

i’m not in the best place in my life . i just started new medication over two weeks ago but i’m still having awful side effects. i’m extremely exhausted. i just can’t bring myself up i find myself feeling mostly alone. which makes sense because i kinda am alone right? all of this time spent in bed by myself doesn’tfeel like it would’ve felt any better otherwise. thank god for podcasts and netflix and youtube or i honestly think a day would pass where i never even hear a human voice. medication sucks. at least good music keeps coming out. my discover weekly was nice. the morning smelled of pine and the ground was coated in a thin fresh dew

[nvtv-lie]

i still remember that night on the trampoline. i hope you remember it every time you think of me

[nvtv-lie]

[nvtv-lie]

“Perhaps it was simply that I’d learned to hide the awakened, desperate-to-fit-in child I had been. Perhaps the me Is become was just a thin veneer, ready to be peeled painfully back.”

[nvtv-lie]

one of the best days of my life

the day i decided i didn’t need anyone i don’t need any of these people from my past to get where i’m going. they all got where they are without my help, and i can get where i’m going without their help. i realize my life is about me, and i can finish it whereever i want at whatever pace i decide, because in 5 years it won’t matter how i got there, just that i did. and i don’t need your fucking help

[nvtv-lie]

take off your mask

bitch i don’t give a shit about this mask you put on to make everyone think shits good. i see right through that shit, i see you hurting and i see you doing nothing about it. you’re the master of your own destiny, so get the fuck out and get some stability. i’m sick of being used as a pawn in your sick fucking pity party . sike hoe you fucking thought