The Way That Roleplay Gets In The Way
It happens to everyone: Boy meets Girl. Girl tries to figure out what kind of girl Boy likes. Girl then proceeds to be her own version of that type of girl. Boy and Girl date. Boy and Girl pretend to like things they don't really like just to keep the other person interested. Boy and Girl breakup without ever getting to know each other.
It doesn't usually happen on purpose. You meet a new person that you really like and you figure that the real you must like some of the things that this person likes because, well, you really like this person, so clearly there's a side of you and your preferences that you just didn't discover yet. Right? It becomes trickier if that person really starts to like you. Because, who is you? And how can you feel any love or closeness if the person you're with hasn't met the real you?
I remember once dating a girl that was way too pretty to be dating me. And yet, she was dating me. And even more, she was totally in love with me. But I didn't trust it. How could I? I thought she was in love with a persona I had created to make myself seem more interesting to her. I didn't feel like myself--in fact, I didn't even know who myself was for a while there. But I knew something was off. And the harder she fell for me, the less I trusted her feelings; which made me feel even less secure about the relationship. Which made me want out.
So I ended things. It was painful.
It didn't need to be that way.
Now that it's all said and done, I sometimes wonder what might had happened had she been able to date the real me.
But who wants to be that vulnerable?