#semi-suicidal

[aporaweh]

Why?

I dont know why im living anymore.

I see no point in it. 

Nothing helps anymore. I can’t figure out how to talk to people anymore. how to converse evades me. honestly. nothing makes me happy anymore. Aside from a few people I’ll never meet I feel lonely. 

Im waiting for someone to come along and make it better but I know that those people dont exist.

I feel empty, and tired, and fed up and hopeless.

Especially hopeless. 

When theres no hope left what is there? Coldness. Emptiness. Death?

I don’t want to die. I want to want to live.

[stressedinthemarginalia]

oo wow that was fun. i was sitting with my grandmother, mom, aunt, and sister, and suddenly had a ... surprisingly vivid intrusive thought of them all dressed in black at my funeral. and it was just. so odd. bc no one ever really thinks about that side of death? like i've thought numerous times about how my mom would feel, how my sister would feel, and how my friends would feel. but never how my extended family would feel?? and it was just. it really made me want to scream to make it go away. i'm not particularly sad or depressed, just kind of... done with life rn. like i'm that exhausted.

[xxyeahimweirdxx]

I want to feel the hot lead of a gun pass my lips and attempt to clench it between my teeth because I'm indecisive.. (that and I want to live)