#sendreyk

[wishingforsixfeetunder]

I just realized, you're mad at me because I left you when you thought i couldn't, when you thought i wouldn't. You're mad because your ego couldn't cope up when I left you for someone else. It's just the same way I feel about him. I couldn't take being left behind especially since it was what I fought for. But it happened anyway, no matter how much I don't want it to. And I just have to accept that I can't control other people's emotions. I have to accept that some people are mean and rude, and some people are just looking for something and someone better. And I have. I hope someday, you figure that out, and that all the bitterness in your heart would evaporate, eventually. Because clearly, you have not. I know you're going to deny this and say you just don't care about me anymore. But that is not the point. The point is you accepting you made mistakes that can't be undone, just like me. You have to admit and remember that you cheated on me multiple times. No matter how small those acts may be. Cheating is cheating. I'm not here to point out your faults. I just wanted to say, you can't control how others feel. And that they can't even control their emotions. And that me falling for someone else is not entirely my fault. It was yours too. I couldn't teach my heart to be contented in feeling shit all the time. I couldn't teach it to not care when i see you talking to and flirting with somebody else. I couldn't control my emotions. I couldn't stop wanting something better. Just like you. Someday, we're going to meet. And i hope i don't see anger in your eyes anymore. Because you are better than that, at least.

[wishingforsixfeetunder]

The only thing I regret is hurting you in the worst way possible. I don't regret leaving a relationship that will only kill me in the end.

[wishingforsixfeetunder]

I used to be really jealous of her. I kept on thinking, wondering why I wasn’t enough; what has she got that I don’t? But then I realized I shouldn’t have been feeling that way. Everything happens for a reason.

I met you, and we had something spectacular. But that was it. You were meant to be just a bridge. A lesson. Someone who can bring me closer to other people who COULD STAY in my life.

[wishingforsixfeetunder]

Gusto kitang kamustahin. Gusto kong malaman kung okay ka pa ba, kung may bagsak ka ba na subjects, kung may bago na ba, kung buhay ka pa ba. Gusto kitang kamustahin di dahil gusto kong bumalik tayo sa isa't isa, kundi dahil may pakialam ako sa'yo at kahit ano pang mangyare o nangyare sating dalawa, di ako mawawalan ng pakialam sa'yo. Pero hindi pwede. Di kita pwedeng kausapin dahil di ko alam kung okay ka na ba o hindi pa. Hindi pwede. Kasi baka makagulo lang ako lalo sa'yo at sa nararamdaman mo. Gusto lang kitang kamustahin. Pero hindi pwede. Kasi ako mismo yung nagtanggal ng karapatan na yun sa sarili ko.

[wishingforsixfeetunder]

Please, baby, don't do this to yourself. You know he likes this game, you know he always wins.

[wishingforsixfeetunder]

Open Letters

I want to end the year right this time. Because last time was a blur, a tidal wave of drama and bullshit and stupidity and I don’t want the same things to happen again.

I want to apologize, yet again, even if it won’t count anymore, to the people I’ve hurt when I was sad, hungry, and hurting myself.

Here it goes:

To the guy I left behind with a broken heart,

I am really, really sorry, love, for all the pain I’ve caused you. I know you hate apologies and hate repeated ones more, but I’m still going to say this again. I’m so fucking sorry for leaving you vulnerable. For making things so complicated between us that it makes no room for friendship. For messing us up. For ruining what we had left. I’m sorry for leaving. Period. I’m sorry I was selfish. I’m sorry I didn’t see the good times, only the bad ones. I’m sorry for giving you trust issues. I’m really sorry,love, that because of me your perception about relationships has cracked.

I hope you find someone, love. (Someone who wouldn’t mind if you don’t talk to her for hours. Someone who wouldn’t mind and worry whether you’re still alive or not. I hope you find someone who’d be content with always understanding and never being understood. I hope you find someone who’d understand she’s not your priority.) I hope you find someone who is not like me.

Because, love, you deserve to be happy. And I’m sorry I made you think otherwise.

I will always love you, and I know I will always care about you, but not with the same intensity as before. Not anymore.

To the girl who hates me still,

I’m sorry. I know you haven’t forgiven me and you’d probably never will, and that’s okay with me. I’m not counting on it. What I’ve done is unforgivable and I know that. Still, I’m sorry.

Thinking back on it, I realized we could’ve been friends if only I used my brain instead of my heart. But that doesn’t matter now, huh? Because I messed everything up. I’m sorry I ruined your trust. I’m sorry I didn’t put others before myself. I’m sorry I only thought of my own happiness. You could guarantee–not that you care, of course– that it won’t happen again. Everything that has happened in the past 5 months has been a big eye-opener for me. I’ve learned a lot and thank you for that.

I hope you can learn to let go of the pain, because trust me, if only once more, you’re only going to hurt yourself. Please don’t let yourself be filled with hate because there’s still a lot of things to love, be happy about, and live for. I hope you find them.

To the guy who broke my heart,

I want you to know that I forgive you even if you weren’t even sorry. I forgive you for breaking my trust, my perception of life and men, my heart. I forgive you for choosing to be happy. I forgive you for choosing yourself first. I forgive you.

I only hope you never do it again. Because being held that high up and letting me fall when you know full well you couldn’t catch me, was the single, most fucked up thing ever. I hope nobody goes through it ever again.

I hope you learned a lot because I did.

To the people who stayed me through the craziest moments of my life,

I’m sorry. For being the stupidest shit ever. For not listening to you. For not following your advice because I thought my idea of always prioritizing my own happiness, was better. I’m sorry for the burden of having me as the crazy friend.

Thank you. For never leaving my side when I needed you most. For never getting tired of my endless drama. For tolerating the attitude I’ve developed over the months that has passed. Thank you for everything. I love you guys. Always have, always will.

Love, Me :)

[wishingforsixfeetunder]

Today should’ve been our third anniversary, C. Today should’ve been the third year we’re gonna celebrate our time together. Today is another should’ve been for us.

If only you realized my worth sooner. If I didn’t find what I’ve been looking for in somebody else. If only I was patient. If only.

If only.

We should’ve been.

If only.

[wishingforsixfeetunder]

I'm wearing your shirt right now and it feels good. I'm used to wearing this shirt every week and it feels like it's mine right from the very start. But now, it has been months since I last wore it and damn, I miss being this comfy.